Are you shy?

[alig99]

We've spent the summer sailing from UK to southern Spain and have been surprised at the lack of socialising at anchorages or in harbours on the way down. Hardly anyone pops by to say hello. (We do of course ☺) When we were on the way to Greece from south of France and sailing in Greece in 2010 we found it quite different with boats even coming alonside to say hello. We were talking to a dutch couple yesterday who have been doing the same trip as us this year and they also mentioned they had experienced the same. Their experience of the Caribbean was that sailing was more friendly there. Is it that boats are in transit and in a rush to get where they are going? Or are people just shy? or pair up with one boat and they just stick with each other? Do you bother going over to say hi to other boaties?

 

[PlanB]

When we came down (stopping in 30+ marinas on the way - it was our retirement trip), we always seemed to be meeting people to chat to and drink with.
Even now we are marina based, my other half is always asking who I´ve been talking to when I am overdue after a shower or a trip to the shop.

 

[ribrage]

Travelling ashore in the dinghy past other boats you tend to meet and say hi , occasionally we meet people we've seen before .

I don't think there are so many live aboards in our neck of the woods , far more in the Eastern end of the med ?

 

[blampied]

We are are also traveling down Spain,

We make a point of introducing ourselves to any British boat we come across.
It makes sure other people are not shy.

 

[jordanbasset]

We met a lot of people as we traveled down to Spain and beyond, some are still friends today. This may have been because a lot of us were basically doing the same journey and so you met up fairly regularly. But I did find the further we got from the UK the more people seemed to open up,

 

[Mistroma]

We have noticed this and had a much less sociable time this year. In 2012-2014 we met many people in France, Rias and then down to Gibraltar and still keep in touch via email or meet up if possible. We rarely used marinas and met most people by stopping for a chat in the dinghy (or they did the same).

I almost gave up waving to people in the Balearics and I was either given a blank stare or people quickly looked in the opposite direction. I often found that I'd get no response from UK flagged boats as many had no English speakers on board. I also used to chat to French, Swedish, German etc. and we'd have them round for a drink but seem to make less effort now (they seem less friendly but that's probably an illusion).

I've become less friendly and even anchored next to a boat for 2 days without even realising the crew were from UK (spoke briefly as we lifted the anchor when leaving). We have met a few people this year and had several nice nights chatting or having a meal ashore, so not a complete dud.

I decided it was down to a combination of factors:
1) Anchorages crowded with boats (charter, locals, foreign crewed UK flagged) not really interested in chatting.
2) On move more due to changeable weather and often not even dropping the dinghy
3) Not been in a marina in Balearics (prices are silly)

We'd get to a crowded anchorage in the Rias (i.e. 3 boats) and probably chat to all of them over 2-3 days. In the Balearics we'd probably stay 1-2 days and move on and others would do the same (on different days, so little overlap. Even if we did stay in one place for a week we'd only manage to speak to 3-4 people and they'd usually leave the next day (Ah, I'm finally beginning to see a pattern now).

 

[charles_reed]

Unfortunately one has to be proactive - few, for fear of offence, will start a conversation from boat-to-boat, but once YOU do it most French, Germans and Dutch will continue, Brits are slightly less friendly. The only totally asocial, across whom I've come fly a white, blue and red horizontal tricolour, top to bottom. Friendliest of all are ex-Commonwealth flagged boats.

 

[Nostrodamus]

We are are also traveling down Spain,

We make a point of introducing ourselves to any British boat we come across.
It makes sure other people are not shy.

Why just the Brits ?

 

[ribrage]

We have noticed this and had a much less sociable time this year. In 2012-2014 we met many people in France, Rias and then down to Gibraltar and still keep in touch via email or meet up if possible. We rarely used marinas and met most people by stopping for a chat in the dinghy (or they did the same).

I almost gave up waving to people in the Balearics and I was either given a blank stare or people quickly looked in the opposite direction. I often found that I'd get no response from UK flagged boats as many had no English speakers on board. I also used to chat to French, Swedish, German etc. and we'd have them round for a drink but seem to make less effort now (they seem less friendly but that's probably an illusion).

I've become less friendly and even anchored next to a boat for 2 days without even realising the crew were from UK (spoke briefly as we lifted the anchor when leaving). We have met a few people this year and had several nice nights chatting or having a meal ashore, so not a complete dud.

I decided it was down to a combination of factors:
1) Anchorages crowded with boats (charter, locals, foreign crewed UK flagged) not really interested in chatting.
2) On move more due to changeable weather and often not even dropping the dinghy
3) Not been in a marina in Balearics (prices are silly)

We'd get to a crowded anchorage in the Rias (i.e. 3 boats) and probably chat to all of them over 2-3 days. In the Balearics we'd probably stay 1-2 days and move on and others would do the same (on different days, so little overlap. Even if we did stay in one place for a week we'd only manage to speak to 3-4 people and they'd usually leave the next day (Ah, I'm finally beginning to see a pattern now).

The Balearics in summer are a bit like a busy town , you go past lots of people , occasionally someone makes eye contact and will nod , the Rias more like a country village , everyone stands around out side the shops chatting

That's how it is in the anchorage , exactly the same feeling , its a busy town

 

[ferroboat]

This year we have chatted to a mixture of Australian, Belgian, British, French, Irish, Italian, Portuguese and Spanish crewed yachts, usually ending up with drinks aboard and/or going out to dinner together.

https://moonshineofmersea.wordpress.com/

 

[demonboy]

[RANT]

A bunch of MOSS (I just made that acronym up - it stands for MOANING OLD SOLO SAILORS) who frequent one of the bars here bitch about this all the time. "It's not like it used to be". "No one talks to you any more". "I blame the internet". Of course I'm too polite to point out that they're such a negative force they suck the will to live from your very soul. Why anyone would want to stop and chat to these people, I ask myself. What is it about older, male, solo sailors? Why so bitter, so anti-everything? Learn to love yourself, man. The world's a pretty place with thousands of miles of azure oceans still to be explored. Get back out there and discover it. Discover yourself too. Love yourself, man...

Seriously though, my theory is that as more people become liveaboards, so the anchorages are more busy, and so the (and your) uniqueness is watered down. Gone are the days when you'd go for weeks without seeing another 'westerner'. Instead you bowl up at the next anchorage and there's another twenty boats there already. Some of them are even in catamarans. Ugh!

The second part of this theory is that by choosing this lifestyle I'm actually trying to GET AWAY from other westerners. I left the rat race and even left Europe for some new adventures, culture and excitement. I didn't come all this way to then spend my nights sitting at the bar listening to a MOSS bore me with yarns of 'the good old days when men were men and cabin boys were two a'penny' or end up on board someone's boat who turns out to be a racists, sexist, misogynistic nasty piece of work, of which there are a few. No, seriously, I've seen drunken sailors pin their wives up against the wall in bars; I've seen drunken sailors kick their wives under the table for speaking out of turn; I've heard drunken sailors say to their wife "That's enough now, dear, you're talking too loudly" when all she did was mumble something inconsequential. I've seen angry sailors screaming their heads off at people whose culture it is to never raise their voice because, well, that's just the way it is in their country so what are you doing disrespecting them? And the amount of sailors who still think the 'n' word is hilarious is shocking, truly shocking. All these people to whom I refer are all western sailors. I've no doubt there are an equal amount of nasty drunken Thai men who behave in the same way, but I don't understand them and so I can't get wound up about it, which clearly I am...

*and breathe*

Don't get me wrong, we meet some incredible people on our travels and we've made some solid yachtie friends too. Gotta love that about this incredible lifestyle. The generosity of strangers still overwhelms me too, but just because he and I both own a boat don't assume we're going to get along. I will always lend him the courtesy if he's in trouble and would always help a fellow sailor if they asked for my help, no question. But when they start telling me there's too many immugrunts in the UK as they're supping a Tiger in some bar in Asia which as been their tax-haven for the last ten years, shagging some fifteen year old girl who they actually believe really does loves them for their personality even though they can barely say two words to each other, don't assume we're gonna park the dinghies on that island at sunset and have a jolly good barbie.

Americans. Speak to me about Americans. I dunno what it is about American sailors but they are among the most wonderful people I've met. I love their infectious positivity. They make a refreshing change from the legions of cynical sea-faring folk I seem to attract. Even the American MOSS's can be good fun to hang out with occasionally

[/RANT]

*grabs coat and exits left*

 

[rigman]

Well said. +1

 

[stranded]

Go Demonboy!!!!!!

 

[FullCircle]

Go Demonboy!!!!!!

What a great rant Demonboy!

 

[Jock89]

Americans. Speak to me about Americans. I dunno what it is about American sailors but they are among the most wonderful people I've met. I love their infectious positivity. They make a refreshing change from the legions of cynical sea-faring folk I seem to attract. Even the American MOSS's can be good fun to hang out with occasionally .

+2.
Have to agree with your entire post. !
Jock

 

[ribrage]

[RANT]

A bunch of MOSS (I just made that acronym up - it stands for MOANING OLD SOLO SAILORS) who frequent one of the bars here bitch about this all the time. "It's not like it used to be". "No one talks to you any more". "I blame the internet". Of course I'm too polite to point out that they're such a negative force they suck the will to live from your very soul. Why anyone would want to stop and chat to these people, I ask myself. What is it about older, male, solo sailors? Why so bitter, so anti-everything? Learn to love yourself, man. The world's a pretty place with thousands of miles of azure oceans still to be explored. Get back out there and discover it. Discover yourself too. Love yourself, man...

Seriously though, my theory is that as more people become liveaboards, so the anchorages are more busy, and so the (and your) uniqueness is watered down. Gone are the days when you'd go for weeks without seeing another 'westerner'. Instead you bowl up at the next anchorage and there's another twenty boats there already. Some of them are even in catamarans. Ugh!

The second part of this theory is that by choosing this lifestyle I'm actually trying to GET AWAY from other westerners. I left the rat race and even left Europe for some new adventures, culture and excitement. I didn't come all this way to then spend my nights sitting at the bar listening to a MOSS bore me with yarns of 'the good old days when men were men and cabin boys were two a'penny' or end up on board someone's boat who turns out to be a racists, sexist, misogynistic nasty piece of work, of which there are a few. No, seriously, I've seen drunken sailors pin their wives up against the wall in bars; I've seen drunken sailors kick their wives under the table for speaking out of turn; I've heard drunken sailors say to their wife "That's enough now, dear, you're talking too loudly" when all she did was mumble something inconsequential. I've seen angry sailors screaming their heads off at people whose culture it is to never raise their voice because, well, that's just the way it is in their country so what are you doing disrespecting them? And the amount of sailors who still think the 'n' word is hilarious is shocking, truly shocking. All these people to whom I refer are all western sailors. I've no doubt there are an equal amount of nasty drunken Thai men who behave in the same way, but I don't understand them and so I can't get wound up about it, which clearly I am...

*and breathe*

Don't get me wrong, we meet some incredible people on our travels and we've made some solid yachtie friends too. Gotta love that about this incredible lifestyle. The generosity of strangers still overwhelms me too, but just because he and I both own a boat don't assume we're going to get along. I will always lend him the courtesy if he's in trouble and would always help a fellow sailor if they asked for my help, no question. But when they start telling me there's too many immugrunts in the UK as they're supping a Tiger in some bar in Asia which as been their tax-haven for the last ten years, shagging some fifteen year old girl who they actually believe really does loves them for their personality even though they can barely say two words to each other, don't assume we're gonna park the dinghies on that island at sunset and have a jolly good barbie.

Americans. Speak to me about Americans. I dunno what it is about American sailors but they are among the most wonderful people I've met. I love their infectious positivity. They make a refreshing change from the legions of cynical sea-faring folk I seem to attract. Even the American MOSS's can be good fun to hang out with occasionally

[/RANT]

*grabs coat and exits left*

Jamie - welcome back to the forums, take a seat your counselor will be along shortly.

 

[SamanthaTabs]

"Are you shy?" No, just selective

 

[sailaboutvic]

"Are you shy?" No, just selective

very selective, lucky i am the exception, to your rule Sam

 

[demonboy]

Jamie - welcome back to the forums, take a seat your counselor will be along shortly.

It's ok, Ian, I'm off out to sea again soon so the rants will be short-lived.

Loving your pics on your blog, btw. Looks like you've been having a lot of fun lately. Good to see you broadening the minds of the 'old folk' in Sitges