Ammonite
Well-known member
Lousy day - I need cheering up!!
Anybody have any amusing sailing stories?
- Thread starter Ammonite
- Start date
tillergirl
Well-known member
A few years ago, I was motoring out of Mersea Quarters when the engine overheat alarm went off. I stopped the engine and anchored over the Nass and having closed the stop cock, I took the top off the strainer. Inside was a Jelly Fish and the back pressure from the engine pushed it, quick as a flash, out of the top of the strainer and it slid under the engine bearer into the bilge under the engine. Now having no access under the engine and fearing a pong, I posted on this forum whether anybody knew how to get the Jelly Fish out. Now I think it was an Orwell poster who said that he claimed he kept a crab in the bilge specifically for this purpose. Asked by another poster how he selected the crab, he said that it had come on board when he shipped a big sea in the Wallet. He was then asked if he still had it and said, alas no for he fell on hard times and had to sell it to the local fishmongers but complete with a history of the crab's eventful life.
While it was in the fishmongers and customer came in and asked, pointing at the live tank - why has that crab got a wooden leg? The fishmonger replies, 'only the other day I was motoring up the Blackwater when the rear seal went. Cecil the crab went down there with some tape, bound it up and got me back to port. He saved my life.'
Yes, says the first fellow, but why has he got a wooden leg? The fishmonger replies, 'Later, I went aground on the Gunfleet and my VHF had packed up. Cecil, he swam to Walton, tapped out a distress in morse on the Coastguard's door, then showed them the way back here. He saved my life.'
Yes, says the first fellow, but why has he got wooden leg? The fishmonger replies, 'I was out on Tillergirl and a load of man eating jellyfish squeezed their way through the seacock. Cecil saw them off before we'd got back to the Quarters. He saved my life'
Yes, says the first fellow, but why has he got a wooden leg?
The fishmonger replies, 'Well, you know, a crab that good. You don't want to eat him all at once.'
While it was in the fishmongers and customer came in and asked, pointing at the live tank - why has that crab got a wooden leg? The fishmonger replies, 'only the other day I was motoring up the Blackwater when the rear seal went. Cecil the crab went down there with some tape, bound it up and got me back to port. He saved my life.'
Yes, says the first fellow, but why has he got a wooden leg? The fishmonger replies, 'Later, I went aground on the Gunfleet and my VHF had packed up. Cecil, he swam to Walton, tapped out a distress in morse on the Coastguard's door, then showed them the way back here. He saved my life.'
Yes, says the first fellow, but why has he got wooden leg? The fishmonger replies, 'I was out on Tillergirl and a load of man eating jellyfish squeezed their way through the seacock. Cecil saw them off before we'd got back to the Quarters. He saved my life'
Yes, says the first fellow, but why has he got a wooden leg?
The fishmonger replies, 'Well, you know, a crab that good. You don't want to eat him all at once.'
orizaba
New member
brilliant,had to copy it and email it to aload of my mates
oldsaltoz
New member
A friend became interested in sailing, purchased a small trailer sailer but never got round to fixing any of the minor faults, enrolled in the inshore nav school but never completed, are starting to get the picture.
He decided the best way to learn was take her out. He arranged for himself and his less than teen age son to launch the trailer sailer and for his wife and more children to arrive some time later.
So, Down to the ramp and get her off the trailer, had a couple of goes at backing down the ramp and finally made it, fixed a rope to the tow ball and let the trailer roll back so the boat could float off, even remembered to hold onto the line to the bow of the boat. for some reason it would not clear the trailer, after much mucking about he discovered the swing keel has swung down, climbed aboard wound it up and finally got it off the trailer. Got small son to hold boat till he parked the trailer and carried the small tender back.
He noticed the bow line was below the water as they pulled on it to get to the boat, got ob board and decided to put the mast up. as luck had it this was a simple task. then he decided to start the outboard engine and head for some clear space to put a sail up.
But the outboard would not start no matter what he tried, he decided to put it into the boot of his car and then to a local repair shop. They stripped it and cleaned out the fuel system and added a new filter and ran it. It was only when he returned to the boat that he realised he had put the fuel hose on back to front and when squeezing the bowl was sucking from the engine (yes "someone" has been changing fittings between engine and tank).
They got everything back on board but no matter how hard he tried he could barely control the steering and bumped into a few boats on the pile moorings on the way out, he finally worked out this was because the swing keel was still up, however he had problems getting it to go down, turned around and headed for the beach to further investigate, bumped into a couple more boats on the way back too.
On investigation it was found that the line to the bow of the boat was now trapped behind the keel when it was wound up to get the boat off the trailer. it was feed but only after a lot of swimming under the boat and cursing above it.
Keel down and engine started off they go missing all the moored boats, he was feeling a bit stuffed so decided they would drop the anchor and have a bit of a rest for a moment. No problem, anchor dropped over and engine off. Strange, we seem to be drifting, check anchor, up comes rope and 3 metres of chain but no anchor. Oh well.
Light wind is blowing them toward a small beach but as they get closer it looks like they may miss the sand and end up on a rocky patch, pulls cord on outboard several timed but no stat. decided to jump into tender and row ashore then pull boat to beach, runs out of line so adds anchor line and makes it to beach, starts pulling boat but it gets stuck, yes, the keel is still down, wades and swims to boat, after jumping in and out several times and getting the keel up a little each time he has it sorted and bow first on the beach.
After rest he decides to make an effort to do a bit of sailing, but first need to sort out the engine, son still on beach wandering around looking for anything interesting so dad turns the bow to sea and jumps in, the tender is still on the beach with a very ling line attached so son can be retrieved after engine is sorted.
After much pulling, cursing and fiddling the outboard bursts into life, the boats begins to move off the beach, the keel has been released and is dragging along the bottom as the water gets deeper. Dad calls his son and tells him to jump in the tender and he will pull him to the boat, son jumps in tender and is standing up when the rope tightens and he falls backwards into the tender taking bits of skin off everywhere.
After a few minutes boat is secured to a small buoy (engine left running) the tender pulled in with it's weeping passenger. Dad is wondering if it's all worth it; just then he hears a voice across the water calling his name, The wife and 2 more kids have arrived and are all ready to go sailing.
He motors over the ramp where they are standing and explains that he has a problem with the outboard engine that should be looked at before he takes them all out and pulls the boat out onto the trailer and heads for home.
He never put the boat back into the water, ever, sold her to a bloke who said he had never sailed but would love to give a go......
Avagoodweekend......
He decided the best way to learn was take her out. He arranged for himself and his less than teen age son to launch the trailer sailer and for his wife and more children to arrive some time later.
So, Down to the ramp and get her off the trailer, had a couple of goes at backing down the ramp and finally made it, fixed a rope to the tow ball and let the trailer roll back so the boat could float off, even remembered to hold onto the line to the bow of the boat. for some reason it would not clear the trailer, after much mucking about he discovered the swing keel has swung down, climbed aboard wound it up and finally got it off the trailer. Got small son to hold boat till he parked the trailer and carried the small tender back.
He noticed the bow line was below the water as they pulled on it to get to the boat, got ob board and decided to put the mast up. as luck had it this was a simple task. then he decided to start the outboard engine and head for some clear space to put a sail up.
But the outboard would not start no matter what he tried, he decided to put it into the boot of his car and then to a local repair shop. They stripped it and cleaned out the fuel system and added a new filter and ran it. It was only when he returned to the boat that he realised he had put the fuel hose on back to front and when squeezing the bowl was sucking from the engine (yes "someone" has been changing fittings between engine and tank).
They got everything back on board but no matter how hard he tried he could barely control the steering and bumped into a few boats on the pile moorings on the way out, he finally worked out this was because the swing keel was still up, however he had problems getting it to go down, turned around and headed for the beach to further investigate, bumped into a couple more boats on the way back too.
On investigation it was found that the line to the bow of the boat was now trapped behind the keel when it was wound up to get the boat off the trailer. it was feed but only after a lot of swimming under the boat and cursing above it.
Keel down and engine started off they go missing all the moored boats, he was feeling a bit stuffed so decided they would drop the anchor and have a bit of a rest for a moment. No problem, anchor dropped over and engine off. Strange, we seem to be drifting, check anchor, up comes rope and 3 metres of chain but no anchor. Oh well.
Light wind is blowing them toward a small beach but as they get closer it looks like they may miss the sand and end up on a rocky patch, pulls cord on outboard several timed but no stat. decided to jump into tender and row ashore then pull boat to beach, runs out of line so adds anchor line and makes it to beach, starts pulling boat but it gets stuck, yes, the keel is still down, wades and swims to boat, after jumping in and out several times and getting the keel up a little each time he has it sorted and bow first on the beach.
After rest he decides to make an effort to do a bit of sailing, but first need to sort out the engine, son still on beach wandering around looking for anything interesting so dad turns the bow to sea and jumps in, the tender is still on the beach with a very ling line attached so son can be retrieved after engine is sorted.
After much pulling, cursing and fiddling the outboard bursts into life, the boats begins to move off the beach, the keel has been released and is dragging along the bottom as the water gets deeper. Dad calls his son and tells him to jump in the tender and he will pull him to the boat, son jumps in tender and is standing up when the rope tightens and he falls backwards into the tender taking bits of skin off everywhere.
After a few minutes boat is secured to a small buoy (engine left running) the tender pulled in with it's weeping passenger. Dad is wondering if it's all worth it; just then he hears a voice across the water calling his name, The wife and 2 more kids have arrived and are all ready to go sailing.
He motors over the ramp where they are standing and explains that he has a problem with the outboard engine that should be looked at before he takes them all out and pulls the boat out onto the trailer and heads for home.
He never put the boat back into the water, ever, sold her to a bloke who said he had never sailed but would love to give a go......
Avagoodweekend......
William_H
Well-known member
My tale is one I have told on this forum. The day I went sailing single handed and got bored so tied up at the club jetty with a piece of 6mm rope while I got the hose and gave the boat a good clean. Nature called (all that water) so I dashed to the loo only to return to find the piece of string had untied and the boat was sailing away. I had left main and small jib up and tiller free.
That boat sailed around in tantalising circles coming close to colliding with the jetty before sheering away tacking for a run of about 30 metres before it bare away gybed and came back at the jety again. Me watching quite dismayed wondering whether to jump in the water and try to ambush it in its apparent race track circuit.
Fortunately a friend appeared in his boat and we chased it. His boat was a lot slower. Mine with no crew is quite flighty and light but we managed to pass it going in the opposite direction. I leapt from my friends boat into the cockpit. The landing was hard, I thought I was going straight out the other side. The closing speed was about 12 knots between 2 boats. But fortunately no injuries.
I grabbed the tiller and sailed away hoping no one else saw my shame. How can such a disaster be recovered from so quickly with only a very red face? olewill
That boat sailed around in tantalising circles coming close to colliding with the jetty before sheering away tacking for a run of about 30 metres before it bare away gybed and came back at the jety again. Me watching quite dismayed wondering whether to jump in the water and try to ambush it in its apparent race track circuit.
Fortunately a friend appeared in his boat and we chased it. His boat was a lot slower. Mine with no crew is quite flighty and light but we managed to pass it going in the opposite direction. I leapt from my friends boat into the cockpit. The landing was hard, I thought I was going straight out the other side. The closing speed was about 12 knots between 2 boats. But fortunately no injuries.
I grabbed the tiller and sailed away hoping no one else saw my shame. How can such a disaster be recovered from so quickly with only a very red face? olewill
pappaecho
New member
At the Folly a few weeks ago, three 38 foot boats from a training school called Fairwinds, moored overnight. Much beer and dancing on the tables was had by all.
On the following day the first two, cast off the pontoon in double quick time leaving the third. The skipper of which ordered the crew to slip the bow warp which was done without problem. Engaging gear he ordered the stern warp to be slipped in the same way, except some helpful soul had done a couple of figures of 8 round the cleat.
Result was boat neatly trying to tow pontoon with it. The pontoon won!
On the following day the first two, cast off the pontoon in double quick time leaving the third. The skipper of which ordered the crew to slip the bow warp which was done without problem. Engaging gear he ordered the stern warp to be slipped in the same way, except some helpful soul had done a couple of figures of 8 round the cleat.
Result was boat neatly trying to tow pontoon with it. The pontoon won!
Alfie168
Well-known member
We've all had a 'moment' if we admit it.
Scene (a long long time ago) ..me with my elderly Enterprise dinghy, Porthdinllaen beach N.Wales..trying to impress new non sailing girlfriend by taking her out for a sail on a nice quietish sort of day.
There we are about 3/4 mile offshore, everything hunky dory, lovely gentle breeze, sunny day..perfect....then....
The woodscrews in the forestay deck fitting pulled out of the deck, and down came the wooden mast very very quickly..kerrash!!
After we had collected all the blue washing in we were towed ashore by a kind couple in a cruising cat, me trying to handle thel embarassment and humiliation as best I could.
My girlfriends comment..."Does this often happen?"
Humiliation complete. I have learned to check my deck fittings a bit more regularly as a result.
Seven years later I had a tiller snap clean off a Laser 2 at the Scottish National Sailing Centre at Cumbrae with a mate out on the trapeze in a good blow..whilst being photographed from a Rib for the next years brochure. I have a print of us seconds before it snapped..we careered another 50 yards or so before the boat broached and chucked us both into the sea. The photographer was impressed but never caught any of it...he said.
Tim
Scene (a long long time ago) ..me with my elderly Enterprise dinghy, Porthdinllaen beach N.Wales..trying to impress new non sailing girlfriend by taking her out for a sail on a nice quietish sort of day.
There we are about 3/4 mile offshore, everything hunky dory, lovely gentle breeze, sunny day..perfect....then....
The woodscrews in the forestay deck fitting pulled out of the deck, and down came the wooden mast very very quickly..kerrash!!
After we had collected all the blue washing in we were towed ashore by a kind couple in a cruising cat, me trying to handle thel embarassment and humiliation as best I could.
My girlfriends comment..."Does this often happen?"
Humiliation complete. I have learned to check my deck fittings a bit more regularly as a result.
Seven years later I had a tiller snap clean off a Laser 2 at the Scottish National Sailing Centre at Cumbrae with a mate out on the trapeze in a good blow..whilst being photographed from a Rib for the next years brochure. I have a print of us seconds before it snapped..we careered another 50 yards or so before the boat broached and chucked us both into the sea. The photographer was impressed but never caught any of it...he said.
Tim
