Am I the only one...

[walker]

I love to sail. I love getting together with mates for three or four hours of an evening in the pub. I really enjoy meeting new people at e.g. dinner parties and things (though I always get the collywobbles before I go). But the idea of three days, each culminating in a long evening in the pub, a deux, with a chap I know quite well, and like, and who is very good company, fills me with horror.

He can happily yarn away all day every day. I think I can hold my own in good company for an evening, but that's about it. We've have had a few holidays, including flotillas, and on our own boat, with other families, including this chap's, and they have mostly been much better for the company.

But its the intensity of the one to one thing over an extended period, and the sense that my chum doesn't like silence, which is putting me close to declining an invitation for what would probably be a lovely weekend sailing in the west country in October.

He keeps asking. Should I accept that I am not the gregarious type and politely decline. Or, horror of all horrors, discuss with a man how I feel?

 

[Elessar]

Just go. He feels he's not entertaining you enough so trying too hard. With true friends you can enjoy silence together. May be worth discussing or it may just happen.

 

[colvic987]

give it a go, he might just be one of those people who needs to talk alot to get over their nervousness, he might get to a level of chat which you are both happy with, when not under pressure to make the meeting interesting, and just settle down to enjoying the sail, or you will know never to invite him again...

 

[cliffordpope]

I know what you mean. But just reflect, speech is silvern, silence is golden.

 

[BelleSerene]

Just go. You don't need to prove yourself or impress him. You don't have to be the life and soul of the party (and indeed a time together doesn't have to be a party). If you value him as a person, and you clearly do, know that he values you too. Be yourself, and go consciously prepared to spend long stretches of time enjoying the silence, which there's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's a large part of what sailing is about, and good friendship tolerates it and grows through it. Just go.

 

[johnalison]

Put some senna in his food. That should take the edge off his garrulousness.

 

[walker]

Put some senna in his food. That should take the edge off his garrulousness.

Love it. Unfortunately his boat only has one heads. And the hatch opens into the cockpit...

 

[chubby]

I understand how you feel having a non sailing mate who talks non stop about himself and a sailing mate who is always full of anecdote, enjoy the weekend in the knowledge that it is only a weekend, I would be more concerned if it was a several week blue water passage, and you won`t have to do the entertaining!

 

[Ludd]

rabbit,rabbit!

GO! Do what my friends do---tell me to shut up!

 

[JasonClark]

Are you going in your boat and he going in his ? or are you going on the same boat ?

If its the former i would defo do it, if its the latter i'd be questioning your " mate's" sexuality! there is no way in hell i would share a small boat with another bloke, unless it was my dad or something seen as he changed my nappies when i was a nipper. a,lot of people tend to get on my nerves after a while, on a boat its not something you can just sit it another room well away from, there in your face 24/7, so a high probability of man over board there i'm afraid.

And for a little bonus info, discussing your feelings with another bloke is defo off the radar, christ i dont even discuss my feelings with my own missus ! thats something i sort out myself when i'm alone "fishing" is good man therapy BTW.

 

[Deleted member 36384]

It will all end in misery after being taken out of all proportion in the pub and you will wish you had never went.

Don't go. Watch TV instead, its safe, you don't have to talk and everyone else does it as well.

Good grief, the thought of sailing and getting drunk with people who talk too much........... whatever next, buying a Bavarian Catamaran without a GPS, I should say.

 

[Romeo]

Are you going in your boat and he going in his ? or are you going on the same boat ?

If its the former i would defo do it, if its the latter i'd be questioning your " mate's" sexuality! there is no way in hell i would share a small boat with another bloke.

If you are so scared of being in a small space with another bloke perhaps it is your own sexuality you are questioning?? Only a guess, but most of us are able to be in the company of other blokes without worrying about getting romantically involved.

I say go. If it is rubbish, don't go again. You may well see a diferent side of him, once he has run out of anecdotes.

R

 

[JasonClark]

If you are so scared of being in a small space with another bloke perhaps it is your own sexuality you are questioning?? Only a guess, but most of us are able to be in the company of other blokes without worrying about getting romantically involved.

I say go. If it is rubbish, don't go again. You may well see a diferent side of him, once he has run out of anecdotes.

R

You guess wrong, and with a name like robbie i would again be setting off the alarm bells.

There alot of wierd people out there, some of them even after "Knowing people for years" will display sides you have never seen before. especially when you "live" together.

and as far as "Robbie" goes thats a perfect example as he's "Comfortable" with men around him, i personally am comfortable with women around me.

 

[walker]

He doesn't run out of anecdotes. Ever. But don't get me wrong - he's a good bloke. It is me who feels inadequate spending days on end with Peter bleedin' Ustinov.

You're right Blowing.... - except you then go home and have a break until next week - its the sticking your head out the companionway at six the next morning to be greeted by '... anyway, as I was saying...' that is a bit taxing for a shy retiring chap.

 

[Searush]

You guess wrong, and with a name like robbie i would again be setting off the alarm bells.

There alot of wierd people out there, some of them even after "Knowing people for years" will display sides you have never seen before. especially when you "live" together.

and as far as "Robbie" goes thats a perfect example as he's "Comfortable" with men around him, i personally am comfortable with women around me.

FFS, this is getting homophobic. Relax. Loads of boats cruise with two or three blokes aboard 'coz wives don't want to go. Blokes can be mates without any sexuality. And so can wimmin. And so can mixed couples if they wish to. Not everyone is pheromone crazy all their lives. I guess you are pretty young and still gagging for it all the time. Most people (male & female) grow out of that after a while & realise that, while enjoyable & useful, it isn't our entire reason for living.

I had a great weekend sailing the Clyde with a couple of workmates called Robin & Julian once. All of us were married with kids & they were keen dinghy racers who had not cruised before. We had a great time, loads o' laughs, we learnt from each others skills & had a few drinks and not any hint of sexuality - why would there be? Though I must admit it felt like the start of a sketch from "Round the Horne" when I introduced them as "My friends, Julian & Robin"

 

[Magic_Sailor]

No - i know zackerly what you mean.

Cabin fever!

 

[sighmoon]

There alot of wierd people out there,

Apparently.

 

[puddock]

FFS, this is getting homophobic. Relax. Loads of boats cruise with two or three blokes aboard 'coz wives don't want to go. Blokes can be mates without any sexuality. And so can wimmin. And so can mixed couples if they wish to. Not everyone is pheromone crazy all their lives. I guess you are pretty young and still gagging for it all the time. Most people (male & female) grow out of that after a while & realise that, while enjoyable & useful, it isn't our entire reason for living.

I had a great weekend sailing the Clyde with a couple of workmates called Robin & Julian once. All of us were married with kids & they were keen dinghy racers who had not cruised before. We had a great time, loads o' laughs, we learnt from each others skills & had a few drinks and not any hint of sexuality - why would there be? Though I must admit it felt like the start of a sketch from "Round the Horne" when I introduced them as "My friends, Julian & Robin"

Well said searush.
I work offshore for a month (+) at a time, surrounded by men and the sight of a female is indeed a rare occurence. Not so common now but communal showers and 4-8 man cabins used to be a regular setup.
In 22 years of doing this kind of work rota I have never been bummed in the showers by Mr Big or had the urge to put my Dingaling where it was not designed (in my own opinion) to go! I have never been propositioned; except by a male BA Flight Attendant in a hotel in Tel Aviv - but that is because I have "lovely eyes" apparently. I think they were glazed and possibly slightly crossed at the time. His offer was politely declined and I felt no need to leave the groups company, which consisted an equal amount of men and women.
That said, those not used to this kind of enforced abstinance often find it hard (forgive the pun) to comprehend. It really is no big deal and does not threaten the advancement of the World Population in any way.
Personally, I find those that go on about how often they "like to do" the ladies and feel the need to make numerous homophobic jokes are the ones I tend to have serious doubts over.