A bit of wifey advice needed

oGaryo

oGaryo

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Hi all... now for some 'really' important advice.. I know I should have the answer to this after 17 blissfull years of marriage but after all, I am a bloke that knows little (make that nothing) about how the mind of the fairer sex works and probably never will /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif

I've been doing some serious research on getting the first boat with my good lady being semi enthusiastic from the outset and the kids getting a tad excited as you'd expect. However, the last couple of days, she's really chilled to the idea.. Comments like.. "it's only for you not the family", "the cost'll mean I can't have a new car", "who'll look after the goldfish when we're away" & "why haven't you emptied the dish washer" /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif that sort of thing. /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

I'm pretty sure I'll not be the first to overcome such circumstances so thought I'd seek some experienced advice as to what I should do recognising that everyone is different and boy, is my wife different when it comes to digging heels in. /forums/images/graemlins/ooo.gif

So fella's (and ladies) how do I rescue this one and get her back on side? Gut feel is this one could scupper the whole thing if I don't win her over /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif

cheers Gary
 
Wrong time of year, you could try going to the boat show and taking her over some of the big stuff to sell the lifestyle a bit /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
What about taking a "boaty" holiday based on the type of boating you plan to do. That way she come around to the idea and the kids might add a bit of pressure.

My wife was fine with my 1st boat ( small 18ft cuddy with ob) but she sometimes drops into conversation the fact that my current boat cost a good deal of money if I'm getting a bit tight on whether we can afford a new pair of wellies!! Generally she is pretty cool about it. However I don't think she would have been happy about me boating if we were based miles from the sea and I was dissappearing for the whole weekend!
Good luck
Rob
 
Any chance of doing a charter holiday? That way you can spend a fair bit of time on a boat and you haven't laid out £10000's to realise that the wife just isn't going to enjoy it. Hopefully, once you are out and about, the wife will come around to the idea much more.
 
[thanks to the advice so far.. I think that's the way it's going to be honest.. a few weekend trips out on a hred boat and see where it takes us.

btw Rob, I used to live up your neck of the woods (Findhorn Bay)..
 
depends who the boat really is for.. maybe your wife is right?
One thing.. there will always be boats for sale, so you dont HAVE to have it now. It could be next year, or the year after etc. And dont do any "family" thing unless the weather is good. Cold wet and windy.. even enthusiasts arent that keen /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif
The key is to be sure that no one is put off the idea !
I like the boat show idea.. get her enthused.. get her to come and look at boats, bcz she will need to like it too !
But late April/May is probably the first time you really need the boat.
 
[ QUOTE ]
Comments like.. "it's only for you not the family", "the cost'll mean I can't have a new car", "who'll look after the goldfish when we're away

[/ QUOTE ]

Tough one, but you will almost certainly not get the right boat first time anyway. So dip in gently at a lower cost so money isn't the issue, if she likes the boat but wants comfort and safety etc. the money for the new car will be less important and she'll want a 'more suitable' boat for whatever your preferences become and help justify the cost.

If you want to spend a lot on the boat and you are a real family team then she has to want the boat as much as you do! It will never work if only you want it and it could even mess up your marriage if you try it alone.

Personally speaking, boating with the wife is great and we enjoy it equally, but 25 years ago she hated sailing and had no interest. Now we're as keen as each other.

The boating thing is great for the whole family but you need to allow the wife in on the choice and bare in mind entertainment for the kids, It's always easier in hot weather but boating in the UK is often not in good weather.

Remember, it's nothing like the brochure for most of us! /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

We were out yesterday in the Solent, stayed out overnight and woke to frost on the canopy. It was warm inside though and had the most beautiful fast cruise home on a dead flat sea in cold sunshine, winter boating at its best! /forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif

But you have to be there as often as possible to take advantage of these days, next week could be sh!te! /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif

If you have friends with boats get her involved, spend some time around boats and marinas, talk to your friends with her and go out if you can on a few different boats. Boats are a big committment in time and money and take a lot of effort to keep up, we can't all afford a crew and full blown marina services so you and she have to be fairly practical as well.

Good luck and keep us posted.
 
I suggest focusing on what boating could achieve for you and the family. For me, its a genuine amount of 'quality time' together which we simply wouldn't get at home as we'd always be doing other things.

The act of boating itself i.e. whizzing along on the sea is not very exciting for my wife, or the kids (6 & 8), but getting to Lymington, the beach, small cove etc is where the excitement comes.

Lots of memories, lots of fun and proper family time.

Make sure boat has the best facilities you can for the money.

My wife got much more interested once I actually involved her in the associated tasks, rather than one of my mates..

good luck!
 
Thats a tough one Gary, Boats only work if you have SWMBO onside. First of all you need to get her out on a boat for a day, but it has to be a good to make it a great day out. She need to have enjoyed the day, and want to do it again, thats what happened with my SWMBO. Make sure she knows you are buying a boat for both of you, I never took my boat out alone until a couple of years after we got it. I always make a point of saying its a joint hobby.

Answers to your questions:
[ QUOTE ]
"the cost'll mean I can't have a new car"

[/ QUOTE ]
You need to make sure she has a good car, before you start all the boat hunting!
[ QUOTE ]
"who'll look after the goldfish when we're away"

[/ QUOTE ]
We have Goldfish and feeding them on a fri will last till Sun night.
[ QUOTE ]
"why haven't you emptied the dish washer"

[/ QUOTE ]
Don't fill it in the first place!!! We've had a dishwasher for 8yrs now, and it doesn't get used. I wash all the dishes as soon as dinner is over, that means I can then get the laptop out and look at boats for the rest of the night, and not need to worry about emptying the dishwasher. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

You need to keep the costs as low as possible so it doesn't look as if its making a difference to your monthly income. So that boat you like with an offer of £8500 would be good.

Best of luck,

Al.
 
good point that, Rog.
Its also the social scene, but that is harder if you trailer sail. As O/D also says, its not necessarily the zooming about, but going to different places.
But I think both of those points work better on a larger boat, marina based.
You can also base the holiday around the boat (unless she wants the Med+hotel!)
 
Other thing, if this is your first boat, book a Powerboat Level 2 course for both of you, and she'll enjoy it, the competition will start to see who's better at what!!!

My wife says she's better at MOB than me, which suits me fine, cause if i go MOB, I want her to be able to retrieve me ok!! /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Cheers

Al.
 
If you've any good friend with a nice boat......

Take SWMBO on a visit.

Tell her how good she'll look on board her own boat.

Get together with a few forumites at the weekend. (we just had a fabulous weekend up the river Yealm with 4 forumites and their boats).

Get the kids on your side and tell them how they'll be able to tell their friends "we've got a yot" /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif They'll then help in your campaign to convince the missus!

I must admit, my SWMBO is certainly not as enthusiastic as me, but once on board, she does enjoy it. We even managed a trip over to France last year and the weather wasn't perfect!

She certainly doesn't like the weather to be inclement.
 
fully understand your problem,

additional to some very good avice in the posts above,

make sure you have your first boating exprieces with her, preprared very well; only with good weather, no surprises with technical problems, experience crew on board, no shoating at each other, (you would be surprised how some skippers act on a boat), nice destination, ...etc
Initial experiences are extremely important for her future acceptance.

let her invite "her" friends on your future boat, let "HER" be the proud yacht owner,
and make sure that she's involved with some of the activity's onboard, or as Alistair sugests, let her learn to helm the boat. Good idea to have this done in a course, not by yourselves,..

whatever you do, alway's keep in mind if there is a way that she can enjoy part of the boating activity.
 
[ QUOTE ]
..... or as Alistair sugests, let her learn to helm the boat. Good idea to have this done in a course, not by yourselves,..


[/ QUOTE ]

Now that's absolutely excellent advice.....

Don't try to teach SWMBO yourself! (unless of course you want a divorce /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif )
 
As others have said you must have SWMBO on side.

Accept the fact that most of the distaff side do not appreciate bouncing up and down and being knocked about in a boat.

Only go out in mutually acceptable weather - no "let's just try it shall we" - you'll only do it once and then be on your own.

We are fair weather MoBo'ers and both really enjoy it. My wife has confidence in me not taking risks and she has enough knowledge to pipe up if she does not like the look of the weather before we set off.

As a consequence a lunch/weekend in Boulogne or Calais is a standard day/weekend away (half the distance to Brighton, and better food !!)

I applaud the idea of a family boating holiday but make sure you are competent before you go (RYA courses etc) because if you allow your family to lose confidence in you through lack of knowledge they will run for the hills.

Tom
 
cracking stuff guys... I've found out that our friends villa is within spitting distance of one of the ports in Majorca so I'm going to have a chat with the lad who took me on his power boat on the broads a few years back and see if he can get us a trip or two on a small craft whilst we're out there over Christmas... he's part owner of the villa and lives out there now.

I've mentioned to my SWiMBO earlier last week that it'd be great to go through a RYA2 course together so she can have a play and even take the boat out for a girly weekend! she seemed up for that so I reckon you're on the rights lines there.. I've checked locally and the good news is they do RYA2 courses 3 miles down the road on a large made made lake in the centre of Milton Keynes (Willen Lake).

The only other carrot I can think of is upgrading her car from a 2003 Peugeot 307 HDI to a 4x4 and then put her on my company car.. we then use her 4x4 to tow the boat and she has the option to use my company vehicle if there's ever a situation where I need the 4x4 for the boat (to take it for a service etc)

One thing's for sure is I think I need to curb my verve as I reckon it's starting to come across that it's all about me or it may be a bit much for her as I tend not to hang around arrnaging things once I've got a plan in my head... believe me, it's not, it's actually all about not being about me /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif.. I actually want to give up a significant bunch of time I spend fishing with the lads (several weekends a year and sometimes a week away at a time with my mates and my eldest lad). This whole boat thing is to get in to an activity we all can enjoy but still involves water sports which I love... there's no financial worries as I've built a budget and a £10K to £112K boat seems well do-able whilst still being able to do a couple of holidays a year... no loan is required.

That does bring another consideration.... We shamefully went abroad 6 times this year so maybe that's an issue for her - Rome, Eygpt, France x 2 (fishing without the wife!), Turkey and Majorca to come over Crimbo & New Year... SWMBO does like her Beach holidays but the cost of that lot would have paid for a boat!! the boat would mean 3 beach hols abroad tops (more likely 2) but then we get many more mini holidays in the UK to make up for it and I've promised to can the weeks away fishing in France with the lads.. something I really enjoy so a big sacrifice (btw, until last year, SWMBO went for a girly week abroad too - Ibiza etc).

anyways, going on a bit so will finish off to say thanks for the marital guidance, I think there's a good case to go forward with now /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif..
 
Your budget has jumped a fair bit!!!! /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif
£10k to £112k!!!! /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif

Another thing, watch what you say about SWMBO on here, this place tends to take over your life, and becomes a big part of it, and the only way i can justify being on here so much is too share it with SWMBO, she reads a lot of it too, so makes it easier for me to be on! /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Cheers

Al.
 
£112k oops /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

Al, I'm an admin on a couple of other forums for fishing so a point well made, they can be addictive... the one's I currently help run'll have to go to make way for this forum... life ought to be far simpler you know ;-)

think I'll cool it for a while, let things settle and then broach the above over a meal and glass of wine over Christmas.. season of good will and all that /forums/images/graemlins/ooo.gif
 
Gary
think it's been said before, but make absolutely sure you know what you want to do with the boat before you buy one-the mistake I made which is why I currently have two....
If your nippers are young (6+8?) more important than towing skis or blasting along at 40knots will be a)beach access (tender) b)toilet!!! c) somewhere to plug in the psp's...
/forums/images/graemlins/ooo.gif
 
they'll be 9 (going on 16) and 17... the young'uns in to everything fast and furious, the eldest's in to making sure the youngest lad has the opportunity to fufil his need to break lots of stuff whilst he's doing his fast and furious thing.

I think they'll be fine and dandy on a speed boat, question is, will the boat survive /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
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