:-)

paulineb

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HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

1.She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED CITIZEN.

2.She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

3.She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

4.She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

5.She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

6.She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

7.She is not HORNY - She is S*XUALLY FOCUSED.

8.She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

9.She does not NAG you - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

10.She does not have PREMIER LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

11.She is not a TWO BIT SLAPPER - She is a LOW COST SERVICE PROVIDER.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

1.He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

2.He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

3.He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

4.He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

6.He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

7.He does not act like a TOTAL AR5E - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION

8.He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.

9.He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

Pxx
 
For politically correct balance...

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN & BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY

He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS

He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION

He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY or SERENDIPITOUSLY HORIZONTAL

He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION

He is not a SEX MACHINE - He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY (that's empathy, not envy)

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED

He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES - He has an INTROSPECTIVELY GRAPHIC MOMENT


AHM
 
Re: WANTED

do you mean like this pauline???
WANTED

a BREASTED CITIZEN must be HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE. DETOURs OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY accepted so long as is not a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. REALITY IMPAIRED may aplly especially if they are more HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE when CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. succesful applicant will be highly S*XUALLY FOCUSED. MEDICALLY ENHANCED applicants considered so long as not too PECTORALLY SUPERIOR. . No VERBALLY REPETITIVE LOW COST SERVICE PROVIDERs need apply.

;-)

Come on brain.get this over and i can go back to killing you with beer
 
It's a Man's World

How many men does it take to open a beer?

- None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

- Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

- It allows them to stand closer to the sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

- She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?

- It doesn't matter. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women?

- Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

- The dog. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

- A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.

- I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months!

- I don't like to interrupt her.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by up to 90%.

- It's called wedding cake.

Marriage is a three ring circus:

- Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.

My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"

- I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.

- Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives?

- They want to.
 
Ouch

Response from SWMBO when I forwarded...

'Whats the difference between a man and an alsation dog?
A man doesn't try to sh*g your leg at parties

Whats the similaritiy between men and carpet tiles?
Lay them once and you can walk on them forever

Whats the similarity between men and parking spaces?
All the good ones are taken, and the only ones left are either too small or disabled

need I go on?.........'


<font color=black>I am WHAT I say I am
 
GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The
frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering
past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.



THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a prick.
 
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