Womens Joke!

tr7v8

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Kent
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A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to
work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with
mine for a day. Amen."

God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough,
the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes,
fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked
up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, pay the bills and balance
the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1:00 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust,
and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up
the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 p.m. he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the
pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen,
ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9:00 p.m.
he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where
he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord, I don't know
what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in His infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson
and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.

You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."
************************************************************

Jim
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Divemaster1

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HR - Christmas communication

December 1st

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 21st at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be the usual carolling by the Christmas tree!

Exchange of gifts among employees is not to exceed £10.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director

----------------------------------------------------------------------
December 2nd

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize Hanukkah as an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no singing of Christmas carols.

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
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December 3rd

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a
non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but don't forget -- if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gift exchange -- no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money.

Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director
---------------------------------------------------------------------
December 7th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now?

Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director
----------------------------------------------------------------------
December 9th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

People, people!
Nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Just because the anagram of Santa happens to be Satan, doesn’t' mean that there is any evil connotation intended toward our own fearless leader in a little red suit.

Patty Lewis
Human Ratraces
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December 10th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha ha ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday, you hear me?

The Bitch from Hell

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December 14th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanatorium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 21st off with full pay.

Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director


AHM
 

lanason

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Re: HR - Christmas communication

Many a true word ...............

Adrian
<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.arweb.co.uk/argallery/kelisha>More Pics of Kelisha</A> /forums/images/icons/smile.gif
 

Divemaster1

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Joined
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Messages
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Location
Aberdeenshire, Scotland
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Re: HR - Christmas communication

Have more samples of various kinds of "communication", but since this is a boating forum, they may be concidered inappropriate....

Need to get out of this office............

AHM
 
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