With malice aforethought

[byron]

Last night I went to the Oxford Ditch Laying up supper at the Shillingford Bridge Hotel. The raffle prizes were many and varied but the only thing that took my eye was an Ipod Docking Station.
Brayman's ticket was drawn before mine. With evil in his eye and a smirk on his face he shambled up to the table and out of the huge selection he took the unit, clutched it gleefully to his chest and with a sidelong look of triumph at me he very slowly made his way back to his table.
There was plenty of other stuff he could have chosen. There was a plastic photo frame in which he could have put a photo of me. There was a box of Lavender smellies which he desperately needed. A cuddly toy or two which he could use to attract children but no, he deliberately and with malice aforethought took the Ipod unit.
He saw me weeping inconsolably and took pleasure in my grief. I have been awake all night and my pillows are soaking wet.

 

[boatone]

Do you know Byron, I think this has to be one of your best posts ever !

You paint a word picture so vivid, one cannot fail to grasp the anguish and melancholy of this sad episode so descriptive of the human condition and how cruel man can be to a fellow being, Oh how thin is the veneer of civilisation.

Take heart though that Brayman will get little joy from his trivial moment of triumph. The item in question will probably have been donated because there is something wrong with it, or it will mysteriously fail right in the middle of his favourite Elbow track !!!

Either way, I trust you noted the make and model of said iPod Dock so that you can regain the sweetness of the high ground by obtaining through some other nefarious means a superior product which you will be able to flaunt before him as occasion provides.

There was a plastic photo frame in which he could have put a photo of me.

ROTFLMO - absolutely priceless !!!!!!

 

[Geoffs]

Laying up supper??? A bit early innit??? Don't want to think about that for another couple of months.

In Studland Bay at the mo, admiring the lovely sea horse anchor exclusion zone, no I'm not inside it! It's a bit lumpy, as if a couple of rowing eigths have been past.

Having nicked your winnings, no doubt Ian went outside, loitering within tent!

 

[pande]

Evil Hits The Ditch

He still had that EVIL grin on his face as he sailed past this morning, still clutching the afore mentioned item to his pink nylon nightie clad chest!

 

[byron]

He still had that EVIL grin on his face as he sailed past this morning, still clutching the afore mentioned item to his pink nylon nightie clad chest!

God what a dreadful picture you paint. I hope it wasn't see-thru so you could see his pendulous hairy breasts.

 

[pande]

Sadly, it was see through. Not the sort of attire one would expect a skipper of a boat club such as the Ditch. Mothers and their young fled the park opposite at an alarming rate. Even the Canada geese took flight and scarpered off to somewhere less scary-Afghanistan maybe- although that's not a bad thing!

 

[boatone]

Ooohhh........

This is getting weird and scary but do carry on....

 

[No Regrets]

Worry Ye Not Byron!

As soon as Brayman realises the iPod dock is useless without an iPod he'll come-a-knocking to swap it for some Pink slippers to match his other nightwear.

Mind you, he would probably need fenders on the iPod when you consider his docking skills

(Where are the bl00dy smilies when you want 'em eh?)

 

[Brayman]

You mean I need to have an iPod?
Surely there will be one in the box.

 

[Ramage]

An iPhone would also work.....

 

[Brayman]

My phone only works with my ears!

 

[bendyone]

Probably already on ebay