What's this little una-rigged cat thing?

[Greenheart]

I feel I ought to know, because I've seen them several times. It appears for a short while, about 1 minute 20 seconds into this video:

Looks like fun...wild pitchpole.

 

[Iain C]

It's a Laser Vortex. And they are ****. Launched by a big company like Laser who a couple of years after designing it said "ah, it's so boring on a run, we'd better add a kite". Erm, perhaps you should have done that originally, and admitted that the kite was actually an attempt to stop it pitch poling downwind, as demonstrated beautifully in Dan's video.

And they're ugly. Really, even it's mother couldn't love it ugly. And they don't tack well...at all. Oh, and when they fall over, they drift downwind so fast you can't catch them by swimming, so their class rules dispense with the "no outside assistance" rule and you simply hail the nearest rescue boat to plonk you back in and off you go again.

And worst of all, they have 2 daggerboards and 1 rudder. On a "cat". Actually, they're not daggers or rudders at all, they are "general purpose foils", all interchangeable, and made by jamming a plastic plug in each end of an aluminium extrusion. Jamming...not sealing...they foils actually fill up with water so you get heavier as you sail. And where oh where else in the entire history of hydrodynamics or boat design has the shape of the rudder even been the optimum shape for the daggerboard too?

When it was launched, Laser were spouting some bullsheet about the "tunnel hull" design actually creating lift at speed by funelling air between the hulls. Now, I'm no scientist, but bearing in mind this is aerodynamic, not hydrodynamic lift, I'm going to guess you need to be doing about 54.5634 knots before anything happens, at which point you probably do a reverse backflip. One day, I might write to "Mythbusters", and see if they could do an experiment involving an Audi RS4 Avant, a roof rack, a Vortex, the Nurburgring, no ratchet straps, and a dustpan and brush, to prove or disprove the theory. Might just need Vicky Butler-Henderson too, in that all in one leather catsuit she wears for the Fifth Gear trailer, purley for her driving skills and intimate knowledge of the Nurburgring, and to balance out the hideousness of the Vortex.

In the Vortex's defence, the ad did feature a stunningly attractive girl sailing it (not VBH though), although her facial expression clearly said "dammit this thing is ugly enough as it is, and why did they have to name it after a brand of toilet cleaner?"

Last thing, if you ever talk to a Vortex sailor, say "wow, is that one of those Laser Funboats in limited edition grey?" It always goes down well and they will probably offer to buy you a pint.

 

[Iain C]

Just to avoid any confusion...

This one below is a Laser Vortex...

This one, although similar, is a Laser Funboat...

This is Vortex toilet cleaner...

And this one is the Laser Vortex production line.

Hope this helps.

 

[Greenheart]

Iain, I'm getting the slight sense that you don't like them...

...I don't blame you, those brochure photos make it look wretched. How many have Laser sold?

 

[Seajet]

' wretched ' is being kind ! What were they thinking of ?!

 

[dunedin]

Nicely articulated and balanced summary Iain - love it

(Your description, not the boat clearly which looks like a ******* child of some unholy union between as Laser and a Unicorn cat, without the positive sof either parent!)

 

[Greenheart]

Good grief, I just read the RYA 2013 list of Portsmouth Yardstick ratings, and that monstrous little plastic bathtub has the same rating as the lovely Osprey, also in the video.