What's the least accurate TV/film portrayal of sailing/boats that you've seen?

I know it's mostly a matter of budget if the cast can't be shown to be actually doing what the story pretends...but I can't forgive uninformed screenwriting, it's just so feeble...nor any instance of mariners/aircrew ever saying 'over and out'. :eek::eek::eek:[/QUOTE]

+1, I'm always tempted to PTT and add '... and chocks away, Biggles' whenever I hear that sign off;)
 
"Over and out"

+1, I'm always tempted to PTT and add '... and chocks away, Biggles' whenever I hear that sign off;)
Click to expand...

It's so dreadful. The kiss of death for so many movies and TV shows. Like saying "I'll stay right here, so I gotta get going!"

And, it's repeated by every unschooled moron who ever picks up a VHF handset. :mad::mad:
 
On a positive note

I was always impressed by 'Thunderbirds', the R/T procure was usually spot on, no 'over & out' nonsense.

'The Cruel Sea' always impresses me, at the end when they anchor in the river the Ist mate Sinden is taking transits to check the anchor holding as he & Skipper Jack Hawkins chat; the purpose of what he's doing is never mentioned, but they obviously had a good Naval Advisor.

I think most of the film culprits have been mentioned, but I remember reading a Robert Ludlum book going into lots of detail on spying techniques, then at the end the hero buys a yacht; " as he winched the berthing lines bar taut " ! That went out of the window, and I suspected I may need other instruction on how to deal with the KGB... :rolleyes:
 
Seajet said:
I remember reading a Robert Ludlum book going into lots of detail on spying techniques, then at the end the hero buys a yacht; " as he winched the berthing lines bar taut..." !
Click to expand...

Exactly the point, Andy...when minor technicalities are so flawed, it also casts doubt on the author's non-sailing knowledge.

Unless of course the hero saw the advancing authorities, and planned a 007-style emergency disembarkation by tight-rope...:D

It's especially unfortunate if non-sailing writers set tales aboard yachts, because so much incidental on-board experience, offers colourful material they might have used. All that is routinely missed, replaced by absurd factual impossibilities that film-makers like to include.
 
Votes for some good sailing films: Deep Water (biog of Donald Crowhurst).

Riddle of the Sands - not perfect, but at least you can tell they were trying.

Swallows and Amazons - Ransome would have been proud.
 
jubro said:
Votes for some good sailing films: Deep Water (biog of Donald Crowhurst).

Riddle of the Sands - not perfect, but at least you can tell they were trying.

Swallows and Amazons - Ransome would have been proud.
Click to expand...

Master and Commander.

Especially where they cut the little Midshipman's arm off - dead realistic.

Only problem was that I could not help thinking about Corrie whenever the Boatswain appeared.
 
chinita said:
Master and Commander.

Especially where they cut the little Midshipman's arm off - dead realistic.

Only problem was that I could not help thinking about Corrie whenever the Boatswain appeared.
Click to expand...

... or thinking about Shameless whenever Preserved Killick moaned over the Captain's toasted cheese.

There was one entirely superfluous badly flawed scene. As Surprise left the Galapagos in pursuit of the dastardly French, making 7 or 8 knots with the sails hanging limp, the wake clearly evidenced Captain Aubrey's secret weapon: twin 300hp Caterpillar Diesels.
 
Here's my suggestions:

Best...lots of my favourites have already been mentioned, but, and I will take absolutely no argument about this at all, the best of the best just has to be the shots of the Grand Banks schooners sailing in very strong winds in the original black and white version of 'Captains Courageous'. Simply sublime!

Worst...well....the man overboard recovery scene in 'Dead Calm' was pretty dire...or am I underestimating the strength of Ms Kidman's biceps?
 
Agreed, Captains Courageous is a winner. I haven't seen it since the early 'nineties...:(

For bad eggs, I reckon the Bond films have plenty to answer for. Speedboats slam over obstacles without prop damage. Scaramanga's junk had sails fully set at the dock, even before anyone needed it. And how did a big fish get into the submarine-Lotus's cabin? :eek: :mad:
 
dancrane said:
Agreed, Captains Courageous is a winner. I haven't seen it since the early 'nineties...:(

:
Click to expand...

I've two dvd versions....one the original black and white, the other a rather strange coloured version of the same original.

Apart from the sailing scenes, I loved the scene with Spencer Tracey singing, "Yoho little feesh don't cry don't cry.....". A wonderfully haunting tune.

Every so often we have a Captains Courageous and Riddle of the Sands evening...if you're near Burnham, you'd be welcome to come along!

(Edit....just re-read this....does such an evening sound slightly 'odd'?

Yeah... I thought so!)
 
Last edited:
NealB said:
Every so often we have a Captains Courageous and Riddle of the Sands evening...if you're near Burnham, you'd be welcome to come along!
Click to expand...

What a fabulous idea! How I wish I were near enough to attend. I’d want to be Lionel Barrymore, as the schooner’s Captain Disko. Although with that name, he does sound like one of the Village People…

…no: I’d be Michael York as Carruthers, smoking Havanas aloofly and being ridiculously overdressed and snooty when anyone asks anything…his absolutely flat refusal to McCorkindale’s suggestion that he might cope without his portmanteau full of finery, is brilliant.

There’s a word you don’t often read – aloofly – I don’t think I’ve ever used it. Although I saw one in the bathroom the other day. At least I assume that’s what it was…a loo fly.
 
Tidewaiter2 said:
+1, I'm always tempted to PTT and add '... and chocks away, Biggles' whenever I hear that sign off;)
Click to expand...

A friend tells of a big-ship engineer who would order power-up of the gennys with "Throw the switch, Igor - the storm is at it's height!".

I'm tempted to add it to my "The order is - engage the silent drive!" repertoire ;->
 
mcframe said:
A friend tells of a big-ship engineer who would order power-up of the gennys with "Throw the switch, Igor - the storm is at it's height!".

I'm tempted to add it to my "The order is - engage the silent drive!" repertoire ;->
Click to expand...

Brilliant, right there with SWMBo's 'Up periscope', when I cop a green one in the face though cowering behind the sprayhood!
 
"A green one" - wasn't that Arfur-Daley-speak for a five-pound note?

Surely SWMBO isn't in the habit of throwing banknotes at you as you try to steer? So surreal! Sort of Salvador Dali...

Actually, thinking back, those Minder episodes were in the days when fivers were blue-ish, and £1 notes were green...still, that'd be cheaper than throwing fivers. This would be a strange variation of the description of sailing as standing under a cold shower tearing up banknotes. Actually going to sea, then deliberately disposing of wads of money...weird!
 
Last edited:
dancrane said:
"A green one" - wasn't that Arfur-Daley-speak for a five-pound note?

Surely SWMBO isn't in the habit of throwing banknotes at you as you try to steer? So surreal! Sort of Salvador Dali...
Click to expand...

I wish!
More like 'The Bar looks a bit rough-(Chi, Dartmouth, Yealm, it just depends), You'd better Hand steer Dear, while I go below/under the porch/hood side to check the depth/tide/biscuit tin' then Splash/whoosh, over the front it comes, into yours truly's face.
SWMBO's timing is immaculate, even in those swells you get off Chi Bar in S winds, which often break up under the quarter without warning and spray you.
She never looks out and gets a face full, whereas I....100%:o
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Share this page

Top