What's the least accurate TV/film portrayal of sailing/boats that you've seen?

[Greenheart]

Good grief, I just saw the end of the PD James, A Mind to Murder...

...old Roy Marsden running across the mudflats, towing a transom inflatable, to save a chap sinking into a muddy pool...

...and having passed the dinghy's painter to the victim, having actually touched his hands, rather than simply heave him out, the 'hero' then runs to the stern of the boat, unbolts the outboard & tosses it aside...

...then stands on the transom, pulling on another line attached to the bow, in order to lift the muddy victim out, using the whole inflatable as a woefully unscientific 'gin pole'!

One needn't know about boats to see how ludicrous it was.

As bad as Kenneth More and Taina Elg, unseatbelted, crashing a car at speed into a wall, and jumping out unscathed in The Thirty-Nine Steps. I'm a bit of a writer myself, so I have to wonder what cloud these scriptwriters inhabit..?

 

[Bloater]

We need to do our part to make these films more realistic...I thought it was accepted practise to leave the keys in your speedboat, all ready untied, just in case some detective needs to give chase to some fleeing criminal. Alternatively it could be our hero, wrongly accused, escaping in order to clear his name.

 

[Talulah]

I would say any boat advertising promo video is about as far fom reality as you can get.

 

[Trundlebug]

A Perfect Storm with George Clooney.

The way the throttles were constantly shoved flat forward, they clearly weren't connected to anything, they appeared to be completely loose, not just easy. Then the helm was spun left to right completely freely, there was just no realism. Just awful.

A classic case of "meanwhile, back in the studio"

 

[Oscar24]

A Perfect Storm with George Clooney.

The way the throttles were constantly shoved flat forward, they clearly weren't connected to anything, they appeared to be completely loose, not just easy. Then the helm was spun left to right completely freely, there was just no realism. Just awful.

A classic case of "meanwhile, back in the studio"

And they all ended up dead!
no happy ending

 

[FistralG]

Pirates of the Caribbean...square riggers where never able to submerge and surface like the 'Dutchman'

 

[KenMcCulloch]

Pirates of the Caribbean...square riggers where never able to submerge and surface like the 'Dutchman'

You mean you have never seen that happening in 'real life'? You are obviously a seafaring novice.

 

[chinita]

'Three Men in a Boat'

'Sailing' from Dover to Brighton - with the South coast on the Port side.

 

[Stu Jackson]

Most of them are pretty poor when it comes to sailing. Captain Ron was pretty good, Master & Commander, too. Most of the rest of them have the waves coming from a different direction that which the sails are set.

 

[Chrissie]

The episode of Friends when they were out sailing in the bay.

 

[prv]

It's probably not the worst, but I remember the dramatic interludes in some naval history documentary because they showed sailors swarming up the ratlines (of a ship that was clearly moored to a quayside) each with an individual climber's belay rope to a colleague on deck.

Pete

 

[mikemonty]

Captain Pugwash

 

[robmcg]

The episode of Friends when they were out sailing in the bay.

..........on the 'Mr. Beaumont'! Actually as they ended up sitting on her just drinking beer, it bizzarly became an accurate portrayal of a weekend sailing!!!

 

[NickRobinson]

Poseidon Adventure...(first version)

Cutting a hole in the bottom of a capsized but buoyant ship just might cause a tad of a breeze....

Nick

 

[LadyInBed]

Howards Way!

 

[Lakesailor]

Tales of the Riverbank. Absolute rubbish

 

[nigelmercier]

The BBC coverage of the Royal Pageant.

 

[electrosys]

Onedin Line: ships which kept meeting up on the high seas as if they ran on rails ... and Yorkshire accents in Liverpool.

But - still a great series.

 

[Oscar24]

Forgot about Triangle

The credits were classic, semi nude woman sunbathing on the front of a cross channel ferry. Classic!

dont think they made a second series, cant think why......

 

[Greenheart]

How about the square-rigger Moshulu, near the start of Godfather 2...supposedly bringing immigrants to America, the camera seems to show the ship passing the Statue of Liberty...I have a feeling the ship was moored, and only the camera-boat was moving.

I always like seeing the jokey 3 Men in a Boat documentaries, with the three touring by whatever craft their location permits. At least there's never any miserable pretence at the vessel being competently sailed when it's not, or other unpersuasive cinematic effects.

Conversely, what's really objectionable, is when a writer & director dream up a scene they think is 'boaty', and then their actors pretend to perform something technical which, conspicuously, nobody on the set actually understands. Likewise, flawed terminology...

...Spielberg urinated all over reality in Jaws; the scene where a chap is rowing, and trying to give instruction to the lads in the sailing boat; his technical advice doesn't relate at all to the scene...also, where Dreyfuss is telling the moored dayboats how to leave the dock...

...I think it destroys the appeal for anyone who was attracted to a show by their own understanding of similar situations...

...because it reduces the attempted reproduction of reality to the level of a poorly-designed stage-show, where there's absolutely no attempt to fool the audience that the scenario is actually happening.

When there's a decent production with a strong sense of how small cabins are, and how yachts heel in a breeze, etc, the performances are much more powerful because the actors are genuinely encountering the experiences which their characters are based on.

I know it's mostly a matter of budget if the cast can't be shown to be actually doing what the story pretends...but I can't forgive uninformed screenwriting, it's just so feeble...nor any instance of mariners/aircrew ever saying 'over and out'.