What reply would you give?

srm

srm

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I sometimes have difficulty imagining why some people choose, or keep, their boat’s name; and often how the coastguard officers keep a straight face (or voice) when replying.

The following was heard earlier this year:

"Brixham Coastguard, Brixham Coastguard,
This is motor yacht Naughty Boy, motor yacht Naughty Boy
Radio check please, over."

It needs to be read in a male voice with a ‘Boris Johnson’ type English accent.

The lady coastguard’s reply was totally professional, however, the quote has provided a fair bit of amusement since.

How might she have replied??
 
"anything that turns you on"

A year or two ago we heard a caller ask Thames
"do you have the lat & long of Bawdsey?"

To which the reply was
"yes thank you"
 
You should always imagine calling a mayday - for example "Maydayt Midlife Crisis" invites derision. "Peut Etre" on our river makes me laugh "Mayday peut etre". "Oh for God's sake call us when you've made your mind up".
 
I had a fun experience a couple of years ago, rendering assistance to a boat called 'Hellsbells'. It just goes to show that people often don't think about how it will sound on VHF when they name a boat.
 
We have bought two boats and re-named them. Present one was 'Upside Down' Every time we hailed people wanted to rescue us. The first one my wife refused to use the radio:

She was called "Big Fat Fun"
 
Some of the names we've heard, that should cause some amusement when said twice or to each other:

Night
Meow
Kiss
Toot
Pip
Allelulia
Joyful
Triumphant
Meander 2
Zigzagging
Natural selection
Endangered Species
Security (they were told about it and changed the name)

I could go on it's endless - we write them down when we hear them, sad anoraks.
 
I have often wondered what thoughts go through peoples minds and what considerations they take into account when naming their boats/yachts.

What for instance was the owner of ''Morning Gorgeous'' thinking ?
 
There was a story in one of the Mobo magazines a few years ago. Apparently one of their staff was visiting the Coastguard and heard a VHF call from a boat named "Arm and a Leg". Perfectly reasonable - we all know it's true.

However, I don't think they'd realised that their VHF calls would go "Portland Coastguard, Portland Coastguard, this is Arm and a Leg over....." :D
 
20+ years ago Holyhead Coastguard were holding a training exercise. One young lady had trouble contacting her base:

"Holyhead Coastguard, this is Mobile 2, I cannot receive you in this position"

A voice came up in reply: "What position would you like then, dear?"

There was a long - very long - pause in transmissions.
 
I once heard a right fiasco going on in the Thames estuary one day, with lots of people asking the coast guard about a Maydy relay, and yachts in difficulty... When all of a sudden the Owner of the yacht in question clarrified the situation....
"Thames coast guard, Thames Coast Guard, this is Yacht Hay Day, Yacht Hay Day.. we are NOT in distress......"

To say the coast guard gave him a piece of his mind and basically TOLD him to change the name of his boat is an understatement.

But there used to be a boat around the Burnham area called Knock John, after the Knock John bouy... But try calling him up... " Knock John Over??"... and .. Knock John Out!!"...
 
I thought sending a Pan-Pan message from my boat "Snoopy" was bad enough.
Especially when a Sea-King out on exercises decided to radio in and stop by.

"Motorboat Snoopy, This is Sea-King ............. We'll be with you in 30 seconds!!"

You had to laugh a little.
 
The one which comes to my mind, was a small yacht I remember seeing at Kip marina about two yrs ago which had the name, "Hayday" which I was surprised was allowed.
C_W

I obviously hadent read all the posts above, but cant remember if it was two words or all one word.
 
Last edited:
Clyde_Wanderer said:
The one which comes to my mind, was a small yacht I remember seeing at Kip marina about two yrs ago which had the name, "Hayday" which I was surprised was allowed.
Click to expand...

I don;t think there is anyone in a position to allow names or not, is there? Does the no-two-vessels-with-the-same-name rule for proper registered ships (which gave us TS Queen Mary II on the Clyde) apply to SSR yachts?
 
We heard a distress message from a boat called "Man Overboard" a year or so ago. They were merely lost (no MOB), but the VHF conversation got very confusing, especially since no one on the boat seemed to have any idea how to use the VHF, or the compass, anchor, GPS etc for that matter.

I find silly puns particularly annoying - I'm sure they sounded funny in the pub after a few pints, but I wish people would reconsider when sober!
 
Some friends called their boat Jennie Taylor... when used on VHF it invariably became Genitalia.

Unrelated but my recent VHF instructor had a CD of "MMSI's to boat names" dictionary and reckoned the most common name was "Snow Goose" with some 30+ just in the Portsmouth/Hayling area.

mjcp
 
"Brixham Coastguard, Brixham Coastguard,
This is motor yacht Naughty Boy, motor yacht Naughty Boy
Radio check please, over."
Click to expand...

Not trying to defend the name as either way it's a bit dubious but it was probably a play on nautical words as in 'Nauti Buoy'
 
Sandyman said:
.....What for instance was the owner of ''Morning Gorgeous'' thinking ?
Click to expand...
but she is rather nice
P9140005.jpg
 
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