"What now skip" - the ultimate question

tcm

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\"What now skip\" - the ultimate question

You are an experienced mobo skipper on your very specific boat on August 16th at two hours of the afternoon BST hanging around in the marina, as is often the case.

You are re-reading some of your favourite articles from old copies of MBY when your attention is diverted by that likeable tho somewhat lunatic boat-newbie whom you all know simply as "Moby" from just along the pontoon. He's arriving with his latest boat ( making 3 in his first season), back to the marina and yet again he has fewer crew/ working engines/boats than the number with which he set out.

Moby does at least have his girlfriend with him, all in bandages after a previous escapade. And once he's crunched his now one-engined boat a bit and finally stopped and tied up, he comes over to you on your boat to chat excitedly about his latest near-disaster, the blood, the helicopters and all the rest of it.

Moby knows you've had boats for ages, that you're much more experienced than he is, and that you actually read boat mags from time to time which he never does.

Now, you aren't particularly proud of the fact that it's actually by following YOUR suggestions that the luckless moron has set off on *all* of his ill-fated trips, one per month, ever since he bought his first boat only a year ago - though it seems far longer.

But his vast litany of self-inflicted calamities can't really be all your fault. After all, the last time he asked you for suggestions you sent him out on a calm sunny day, miles from anyone else AND you even tipped off the rescue services beforehand so that he only had to "call them" (his trip was written up again in MBY, again) and the coastguard somehow instantly knew all the details of where he was with none of that long-winded vhf mayday whatsit rigmarole. After all, since he still knows so little about first aid, engine maintenance, passage planning and so forth, you guessed (correctly) he won't know much about using vhf either. But despite all your precautions on his behalf on that last episode , his girlfriend *still* ended up in hospital for over a month.

Poor old Moby still hasn't twigged that he and mobos just don't seem to mix, that your ideas are just bad news for him, and yet ..here he is again, questioning you about what it's like in the west country, the French coast, the Med and more. In the past, you've suggested that perhaps he tries another sport or pastime such as the cinema, banger racing or anything but Moby is a latter-day Mr Toad and won't hear a word of quitting his beloved motorboating. He's also quite well off since his well-insured wife and family were mangled by a ferry last summer, so you can get him to change boats no problem.

So, as before, it's pretty much in your hands to point this luckless dolt in any particular direction for his next adventure, another one which will almost certainly end with a crisis of possibly fatal proportions for him and/or his crew. Essentially, YOU decide where he goes, in what boat, on what day and with which crew. So...what now skip?
 

Oen

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Re: \"What now skip\" - the ultimate question

Hasn't this already been answered...

here..?

/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

With sincere apologies to Jimmy!
 

benjenbav

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Re: \"What now skip\" - the ultimate question

It's up to us again. We just have to save Moby from himself. What he needs is to have a drink and forget about the boat.

It's time for a little poetry, I think, and when all else fails we turn in desperation to Dylan Thomas and quote aloud:

The fishermen gaze at that milk-mild whispering water with no ruck or ripple as though it blew great guns and serpents and typhooned the town.

FISHERMAN
Too rough for fishing today.

SECOND VOICE
And they thank God, and gob at a gull for luck, and moss-slow and silent make their way uphill, from the still still sea, towards the Sailors Arms.

Wise words and Moby, with a tear in his eye, pausing only to wipe the blood of a hundred disasters from his hands exits stage left (pursued by a bear).
 

Tony7

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Re: \"What now skip\" - the ultimate question

Phapps he'd like to take my wife n mother in law out for an extended cruise round the cape? obviously now he's experianced he wouldn't need crew, no need to tell coastgard, and I'd buy copius amounts of drink before they set off. In fact to celebrate his new found confidence I'd pay for the bloody fuel as well!!!! (sorry all, just havin a bad day) /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
 

Whitelighter

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Re: \"What now skip\" - the ultimate question

Since the family mangling incident has clearly left him with pots of cash, and he doesn't want to give up boating I think the decent thing to do is get him to buy a really big boat - ok, quite big - mebbe a Phantom 48 which is what he clearly wants anyway. As he has no hope of controlling it, I would also suggests he pays me a large retainer to be a his skipper when he wants to go out one day every month, and also allows me use of the boat when he is not there/in hospital/dead.
 

Dave_Snelson

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Re: \"What now skip\" - the ultimate question

Aha, this luckless individual has a twin - in Porthmadog.

You know the guy...yeah surely you must. Y'know, the guy that drives his Sea Ray onto the pontoons. No, not alongside, actually whams the boat onto the staging and waits for it to fall off / be pushed off.

Mr Wallbanger - Harvey to his friends (and he doesn't have many, especially in the yachting world) can be seen roaring out of Porthmadog and roaring back in. Never one to be particularly slow in the approach to the harbour, he bangs into thins and then parks his hapless vessel onto the pontoon. We have actually lost count of the number of times he bangs into things but - like your friend - he onviously has the wherewithall to buy a new one (gawd knows how little the trade-in was worth!) and proceeds to do the same again.

Its a shame really (no, not about the boat or its owmer) that I ahve never managed to catch Harvey on camera. One day...just one day!
 
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