VOLVO They just get better....!

S

spannerman

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Just returned from fitting a new D3 160 today, Hadn't been in the workshop 30 seconds when the boss ran up and said stop work on that installation. he had just had a phone call from Volvo saying whatever you do don't start that engine we delivered to you yesterday, we think there could be a problem with the exhaust manifold. So now we are waiting to see what Volvo think is wrong, its just gets better and better....
I imagine if you bought a car and were told by the way don't start it as we think there could be something wrong with it?
 
Best leisure marine engines money can buy /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif At least they had the courtesy to let you know!! /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
Bill Gates famously addressed a group of motor industry execs claiming if they had advanced as quickly as Micrososft then cars would do hundreds of miles per gallon. Someone from the audience responded " yeh but who's going to drive a car that crashes several times a day with no warning"
 
If Microsoft made cars...
General Motors press release

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At COMDEX recently, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. Oh yeah, and last but not least . . . you'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off!
 
Kettle and pot ?

Spect.there are a lot of Mercruiser owners out there waiting for the circa late 1960s recall notice that got lost in the post featuring that minor leaky riser problem. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
Re: VOLVO They just get better....!

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HAHAHHAH just goes to prove KevB your views on Vielvo are boolsheet!! ;-)


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What views? Surely you mean facts? /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif
 
Steve

Think you may remember i have D3-160 in Still Dunno.

Is this a general problem or a one off?

Could it be related to the little oil leaks i have still got?

Personnaly will apprecaite ALL info you can give me!
Doug
 
My Saab has been off the road for nearly two weeks due to faulty fuel pump.... and a software glitch meant that the replacement wouldn't talk to the engine management. Needed a software bug fix from Sweeden and upload into the car's central nervous system before it would start. Clearly Microsoft and GM now working together. /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif
 
Similar..... one for IT techies - but they are bound to have seen it when it first appeared

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What if Operating Systems Were Airlines?

DOS Airlines
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then they push again jump on again, and so on.

OS/2 Airlines
The terminal is almost empty, with only a few prospective passengers milling about. The announcer says that their flight has just departed, wishes them a good flight, though there are no planes on the runway. Airline personnel walk around, apologising profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the field. They tell each passenger how good the real flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but that they will have to wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems.

Once they finally finished you're offered a flight at reduced cost. To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different times by standing in ten different lines. Then you fill our a form showing where you want to sit and whether the plane should look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you succeed in getting on the plane and the plane succeeds in taking off the ground, you have a wonderful trip...except for the time when the rudder and flaps get frozen in position, in which case you will just have time to say your prayers and get in crash position.

Windows Air
The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air
Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Mac Airlines
All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.

Unix Airlines
Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got there.

Wings of OS/400
The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably the best and safest planes that ever flew, and painted "747" on their tails to make them look as if they are fast. The flight attendants, of course, attend to your every need, though the drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid questions cost $230 per hour, unless you have SupportLine, which requires a first class ticket and membership in the frequent flyer club. Then they cost $500, but your accounting department can call it overhead.

Mach Airlines
There is no airplane. The passengers gather and shout for an airplane, then wait and wait and wait and wait. A bunch of people come, each carrying one piece of the plane with them. These people all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they're building. The plane finally takes off, leaving the passengers on the ground waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. After the plane lands, the pilot telephones the passengers at the departing airport to inform them that they have arrived.

Newton Airlines
After buying your ticket 18 months in advance, you finally get to board the plane. Upon boarding the plane you are asked your name. After 6 times, the crew member recognizes your name and then you are allowed to take your seat. As you are getting ready to take your seat, the steward announces that you have to repeat the boarding process because they are out of room and need to recount to make sure they can take more passengers.

MVS Airlines
The passengers all gather in the hanger, watching hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers. All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of 200 technicians. The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to realise that the plane is too big to get through the hangar doors.

BeOS Air
You have to pay for the tickets, but they're half the price of Windows Air, and if you are an aircraft mechanic you can probably ride for free. It only takes 15 minutes to get to the airport and you are cheuferred there in a limozine. BeOS Air only has limited types of planes that only only hold new luggage. All planes are single seaters and the model names all start with an "F" (F-14, F-15, F-16, F-18, etc.). The plane will fly you to your destination on autopilot in half the time of other Airways or you can fly the plane yourself. There are limited destinations, but they are only places you'd want to go to anyway. You tell all your friends how great BeOS Air is and all they say is "What do you mean I can't bring all my old baggage with me?"

Linux Airlines
Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

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Microsoft and Merc

Microsoft are also working with Merc as well. The Comand satnav thingy on the dashboard of my car has been freezing recently and wo'nt work again until the car has been stopped and restarted. Recently it died altogether but not before the language reverted to German and it wiped out all the radio station and destination memory!
 
Re: Microsoft and Merc

Old Bill has got where he is by giving people what they want at an affordable price. He hasn't cheated his way to the top, he has done with good business sense. Whether you believe MS products are good or not they are the most popular in the world for a reason.

We must give credit where it's due, without question if it wasn't for MS the world wouldn't be as PC savvy and connected as it is today.

I'm not biased towards MS but the fact I've made my living out of it for the last 20 odd years helps put things in to perspective. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
Re: Microsoft and Merc

I seem to have spent the last 20 years cursing Microsoft products /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
 
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