Valentine funnies

[paulineb]

Something to put in your Valentine's cards this year !!!!!!!
These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most
romantic first line, but the least romantic second line:

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
but I only slept with you, because I was pissed

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty,
and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

Pxx

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[sailbadthesinner]

Ode to pauline

A poem for my valentine i wrote
the one who lives in a narrow boat
my love is strong it lasts forever
i wish she'd stop hawking that bleeding heather

along the canals and locks she wends
her husbands money she galey spends
a woman of grace the whole world over
one day soon she may be sober


be my valentine
love sailbad


Ok brain let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

 

[paulineb]

Ode to Max

A scouser on the forum called Sailbadthesinner
Likes to make out he's a bit of a winner

But when push comes to shove, things turn somewhat acid
As Mr Sailbadthesinner finds his manhood is flaccid

But I'm sure he'll be able to get his end away
If only he could lay of the beer for ONE day



Pxx

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[sailbadthesinner]

i spose a lift to the IOW is out of the question then?????????
*pleading look*

Ok brain let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

 

[paulineb]

How the f-f-f-f flaming hell do you expect me to get a narrow boat across the channel ?

AND - who put that valentine's pic on for you ? you're crap at stuff like that.

Pxx

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[Bejasus]

IOW across the channel....hmmm.

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[Stingo]

It is if you depart from Cherbourg

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[Bejasus]

or how far you need to tack............../forums/images/icons/laugh.gif

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[sailbadthesinner]

i did it meself *beams*
i have tried doing that mark up thingy and changing colours and faces n stuff but cannot figure that out

and you CAN cross the channel in a narrow boat it has been done
altho you have to be mad
you can also go down the mersey alongside another boat that escorts you
my godfather has done it in his narrowboat
so there 8P

Ok brain let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

 

[pistonbroke]

Just found this on Ribnet, I would like to take the credit for it but someone called Bern posted it:

President George Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy." So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy." "No," says Bush, "that would be an ACCIDENT." A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we
would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer.
President Bush searchesthe room.
"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. & Mrs. Bush, were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, by a terrorist like Osama bin Laden, that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic," exclaims Bush, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?" "Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss."