Tuesday Humour

[Forbsie]

An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger says "I'm Shaquille O'Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if I died". So he takes the first parachute and jumps.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says "I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York and America's potential future President. She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, says " I am the President of the United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics.

And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die". So he takes a parachute and jumps.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy "I am already old. I have already lived my life, as a good person and a priest I will give you the last parachute".

The boy replies "No problem, there is also a parachute for you. America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag..."



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[Eightpots]

Re: In the same vein....

Three ministers - a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and Southern Baptist and their wives were all on a cruise together.

A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship, and they all drowned. The next thing you know, they're standing before Saint Peter. As fate would have it, the first in line was the Presbyterian and his wife.

Saint Peter shook his head sadly and said, "I can't let you in. You were moral and upright, but you loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married woman named Penny." St. Peter waved sadly, and poof! Down the chute to the 'Other Place' they went.

Then came the Methodist. "Sorry, can't let you in either," said Saint Peter. "You abstained from liquor and dancing and cards, but you loved food too much. You loved food so much, you even married a Woman named Candy!"

Sadly, St. Peter waved again, and Wang! Down the chute went the Methodists.

The Southern Baptist turned to his wife and whispered nervously,

"It ain't looking good, Fanny."

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[coliholic]

Here\'s another one then, but a bit more \"topical\"?

Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw and help you the same way that you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone, and no balls.

I'd say you must be French".


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