Tuesday Humour

[EME]

A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly
dirty and shabby-looking beggar who asked him for a couple of quid for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted two quid and asked, "If I gave you
this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"

"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.

"Will you use it to gamble?"

"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."

"Will you spend the money on mooring fees for your boat?"

"Are you MAD? I haven't owned a boat in 20 years!"

The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two quid. Instead, I'm going
to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The bum was
astounded.

"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I
probably smell pretty bad."

The man replied, "Look that's OK! I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up drinking, gambling, and his boat!"



<font color=blue>I am WHAT I say I am</font color=blue>

 

[EME]

Just one of those days

A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a
short time period. Because Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life
would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the
honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card
said nothing but "Nescafe". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went in the
kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop."
Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the
card said: "Benson &Hedges". Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's
cigarettes, and she read from the Benson &Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King
Size".
She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean sea. Mom waited for a
week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole
month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "P&O Stena Line". Mom
took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages
fearing the worst, and finally found the advertising for P&O Stena line.
The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."
Mum fainted


<font color=blue>I am WHAT I say I am</font color=blue>

 

[paulineb]

Re: Just one of those days



Pxx

 

[coliholic]

And here\'s another sick joke

Did you know that as a tribute to their brother, the Bee Gees have now re-released their hit single "How Deep is Your Bruv."

 

[paulineb]

Re: And here\'s another sick joke

Cutey!!!! that is soooo sick. I thought Sam's text was bad enough on sunday morning - it said 'that gibb bloke is dead'

Pxx

 

[pheran]

Even sicker......

<font color=blue>SPECIAL OFFER

BeeGees concert tickets - one third off</font color=blue>

 

[paulineb]

Re: Even sicker......

Perhaps they should have played "Staying Alive" during the op

Pxx