Thought of The Day

[EME]

When you have an "I hate my job" day then try this:


1. On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
thermometer section.


2. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by "Johnson and
Johnson." Be very sure you get this brand.


3. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the
phone, so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.


4. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a tracksuit and lie down on
your bed.


5. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the
bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.


6. Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it. You
will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every rectal
thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested"


7. Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do
not work for quality control at the Johnson and Johnson Company."




<font color=black>I am WHAT I say I am

 

[EME]

Ageing Process

LIFE BEYOND FIFTY:


Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.
But everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out.

There are three signs of old age.
The first is your loss of memory,
the other two I forget.

You're getting old when
you don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun
and fun a lot more work.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy,
there are five women to every man.
Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?

You know you're getting on in years
when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.

Middle age is when
 you have stopped growing at both ends,
and have begun to grow in the middle.

Of course I'm against sin;
I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy.

Billy Graham has described heaven as
a family reunion that never ends.
What must hell possibly be like?
Home videos of the same reunion?

A man has reached middle age
when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor
instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations
and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when
you realize that caution is the only thing
you care to exercise.

At my age, "getting a little action" means
I don't need to take a laxative.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
As you grow older, it will avoid you.

The aging process could be slowed down
if it had to work its way through Parliament.

You're getting old when
getting lucky means
you find your car in the parking lot.

You're getting old when
you're sitting in a rocking chair
and you can't get it started.

You're getting old when
your wife gives up sex for Lent,
and you don't know until the middle of July.

You're getting old when
you wake up with that morning-after feeling,
and you didn't do anything the night before.

The cardiologist's diet:
if it tastes good, spit it out.

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news:
the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

It's hard to be nostalgic
when you can't remember anything.

You know you're getting old when
you stop buying green bananas.

Last Will and Testament:
Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.



<font color=black>I am WHAT I say I am

 

[PGD]

LOL very funny but how did you come by this information ;-) ??

Peter

 

[joanne2]

Re: Ageing Process

Very Good.

Such encouraging words - I am so glad that I have another twenty years before I have to start worrying about them!

Joanne

Some day my boat will come..........as will 50!

 

[Guest]

Is this a boating site?

This is a site for boating and maritime topics; there are plenty of them. It is a remarkable chance, not available some years ago, for sailors to communicate. Stuff in this thread is off-subject, unfunny and what is more clogs up the list of threads which are currently considerable.

 

[hlb]

Re: Is this a boating site?

Hmm. So what are you reading it for??

<font color=blue>Haydn

 

[EME]

Re: Is this a boating site?

Whoah there,

Please don't have a go at Joanne2 ,she's new to this site and I was the one responsible for the nonsense not her .. be nice of a gent to apologise.

I'm sorry if it's not to your taste , not everything here or its' presentation is to mine but I hope I'm not rude about people I do not know.. Idp however love the spirit.


<font color=black>I am WHAT I say I am

 

[BarryD]

Re: Is this a boating site?

And you point is DeckMaster - read the forum header Motor Boat CHAT. If you want to go and talk to sailors about boaty things then Foxtrot Oscar over to PBO. Now be nice to the lady or we nick your anodes...

So you unscrew this, and put it safely here, then oopps...
All - IMHO, BTW, FWIW and NWGOI

 

[hlb]

Notice Beach Master or whatever, has put in his complaint to Kim over on Web Site thingy site.

<font color=blue>Haydn

 

[BrendanS]

Re: Is this a boating site?

I've made my comments in response to your post on Feedback, but to be honest, you can pretty much tell if the thread and replies are 'serious' boating issues by looking at the title. Admittedly not 100% reliable, but does weed out most.

 

[muchy_]

Re: Is this a boating site?

I bet he is a funeral director........

 

[byron]

Re: Is this a boating site?

I agree with you Deckmaster which is why I keep all my postings relevent to boating subjects.


<font color=red> ô¿ô</font color=red>
<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.freeware.mcmail.com/435.htm>http://www.freeware.mcmail.com/435.htm</A>[/b]

 

[BrendanS]

Re:Hypocritter!

Domesday book?, win a cheap biro??, fnid syd (syc)????? Ouch, my leg hurts, quit pulling! /forums/images/icons/smile.gif

 

[jimi]

Deckie stirs it again!

This guy or gal was the one that caused trouble in SB recently with a personal attack on me! I suspect he just likes causing trouble.

 

[byron]

Re:Hypocritter!

/forums/images/icons/wink.gif

<font color=red> ô¿ô</font color=red>
<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.freeware.mcmail.com/435.htm>http://www.freeware.mcmail.com/435.htm</A>[/b]

 

[wakeup]

Re: Is this a boating site?

Nah more like a Merchant Banker or at least it rhymes with merchant banker :->

yada yada..

 

[BarryH]

Re: Is this a boating site?

No no no no! I for one agree with deckmister. Its a boating site. I don't mind answering questions that are stupidly blatant, and you never see me posting stupid pointless ditties and jokes do you!/forums/images/icons/smile.gif

 

[tcm]

Re: Is this a boating site?

I should say not. In future anyone found posting stupid ditties such as

There once was a man from Belgrave
who found a dead whore in a cave
He said "it's disgusting!"
"She only needs dusting"
"And think of the money I'll save!"

should be banned

 

[BrendanS]

Re:Liar, liar.....boats on fire

ooooo! You creationist, god fearing, mid western Yank you!

No 15 year old's jokes from you then?

Seriously, take a look at Deckmeister's profile, and from there you can see all the posts made historically. Maybe my quick survey wasn't detailed enough, but he doesn't seem much like a serious forum meister, with many genuine answers....more of an ask a question and see how much mischief can I make type.

 

[KevL]

Oh yea that's going to work init. Does duckmolester realise who Joanne2 works for? Bet Kim and Joanne are sniggering about it now in the canteen over a cup of coffee.

Anyway I'm off to write a complaint to Kim on the Feedback forum about rag and stick merchants posting on MOTORBOAT chat

KevL

--
It may be the early bird that catches the worm but its the second mouse that gets the cheese.