The Most Selfish Yachtsman of the Year Award- 2002

[pugwash]

Try the tin of coleslaw...

Celebrated story about Barry Humphries in the days of compartments on trains. He needed to spend the trip to Manchester talking with a producer and the train was packed so he up-ended a tin of coleslaw under the door then closed it and said, "We won't be disturbed." And they weren;t. So what's the yacht-rafting equivalent? We can do better than nappies, surely.

 

[PhatBuoy]

Bucklers Hard, we arrive short handed and are told by the excellent marina staff to raft alongside a Rassey. As we approached a womans head shoots up from the hatch. I have mid-ship line, bow line and stern line close to hand and had made sure that we are fendered well beyond what is neccesary ( top tip- stick out every fender you've got when approaching a potential raft and nobody will refuse your company alongside). I thanked the woman who I immediately presumed was going to take a line for me. What she proceeded to do was screech at the top of her voice the usual call of 'WE ARE LEAVING VERY EARLY', to which I replied 'That's nice' . She then shot off to a cockpit locker and came up hold 2 of the biggest fenders I've ever seen. All the time the Harpey was shouting to her husband below decks 'darling there going to mark the hull'. By this time we were alonside and secured with the gap between stantions a good couple of feet (We did have 6 oversized fenders on approach.) Even then she was still trying to heave the two yachts apart to squeeze in the extra fenders. I was left sweaty from exertion and deeply peed off by this womans attitude.
Over a beer I boiled about the attitude of this snotty woman and of course damned every Hallberg owner to hell. Later on that evening, found out said woman and her feckless husband were only guests aboard. The owner was a smashing chap who couldn't understand our obsession with multiple fendering and was not keen to be away until mid morning. Look back and laugh now but if faced with a similiar situation would use woman as fender.

Its amazing how cleansing this Forum can be!!!

 

[Ohdrat]

Re: Tis better to raft than to be rafted onto...

I once had the joy of skippering a 60ft wooden schooner from Thurso to Greenock.. I never forget going thro' the Crinan with a relatively small and insubstantial yacht (grp).. Keeping the warps tight enough to stop us crushing the yacht was a job for Amazons! The 8 ft odd bowsprit made the whole exercise even more interesting!

Then there was the rafting up alongside a very smart (grp) luxury motor cruiser in Tarbert.. we managed with the slightest of bumps but you should have seen the owners face when he popped up from below and ooogled the battering ram on our bows! He was fine once he got over the shock as we'd put loads of fenders out and Tarbert is beautifully sheltered.

 

[NigeCh]

Re: Dead simple

It's still the same me - batty as a fruit cake. Email me on nca@dial.pipex.com and let's meet for a drink,

Cheers,

Nige


NigeCh

 

[NigeCh]

Visicalc?

If it's the same Trevor, then it's you who put macros into Visicalc which led to Excel, hooked my computers up at the RIBA for the 'Prophet' seminar and made me go all the way to Fotheringhay to teach a graphics course on some daft Apricot system that I knew nothing about ... to was it IPC? delegates ... etc....

Nige



NigeCh

 

[JamesS]

I wonder if this is the same couple who owned the Westerley we were obliged to raft up with in Lymington about four years ago?

August Bank Holiday, v warm, fine sea breeze - the sort of conditions that get even the most reluctant sailor onto the water.

Having been directed to raft against the Westerley as we approached both husband and wife dissappeared below and put the doors in.

As we began to tie up they emerged and began objecting to us using their cleats saying they were too small, wouldn't let us use their winches and were generally difficult.

The whole episode was then plunged into humour when the lady concerned yelled down the hatch ' Darling, they haven't even got centre cleats'. So on our boat now, whenever a lift in the sense of humour stakes is required someone yells ' Darling they haven't even got centre cleats'.

Meanwhile, back on the Westerley the whole scene was about to be repeated when another boat was directed along their other side!!!!


Cheers

 

[PhatBuoy]

Great story!! Very glad you saw the funny side of it.

 

[Guest]

Are fruit cakes batty?

Surely its nutty.

 

[billmacfarlane]

A mate of mine was sailing to Littlehampton one dark and stormy night. Going through the Looe Channel at about 2 in the morning he noticed water lapping over his floorboards. He turned on his bilge pump which slowed the ingress and made a call to Solent Coastguard asking if it was possible for a fire engine to be at Littlehampton Town Quay with a pump but that he didn't need a Lifeboat. Out came the Littlehampton lifeboat regardless and towed him considerably quicker that he could have sailed. The time was now roughly 0300 hrs and waiting at the Town Quay was a fire engine , flashing red light and a Coastguard van , flashing blue light. The coastguard directed the lifeboat to berth my mate's boat alongside a visitor's boat that was lying on the Quay. What happened next ? You've probably guessed. Up pops a head from the visitor's boat . " YOU CAN'T BERTH HERE WE'RE LEAVING IN THE MORNING ". When it was duly pointed out that this was a real emergency back came the reply " I NEED MY SLEEP , WE'RE LEAVING IN THE MORNING ". There wasn't any offer of help from the visitor's boat and the talking head disappeared below. All this was duly noted by the fireman who with their nice big heavy, clumpy boots tramped noisily over the visitor's boat to get the pump hose to my mate. It quickly emptied the boat and the problem diagnosed to an ill fitting stern gland which was duly fixed. The Coastguard and the firemen decided , in the interest of safety of course , nothing else , to run the noisy pump all night , just in case , and my mate and his crew found some quiet accommodation in another mate's boat. The lifeboat left noisily creating a nice big wash. One can only hope that the visitors had a disturbed night. If not it wasn't through lack of trying !!!!!

 

[Guest]

This is getting really depressing. Let's have some examples of the better side of human nature.



"El manana es nuestro, companero..."

 

[Mirelle]

\"Back tonight\"

painted on a mooring buoy is pretty selfish, unless true. If the buoy rope is green with weed, it is demostrably untrue.

 

[billmacfarlane]

Not on a thread called " The Most Selfish Yachtsman etc " you won't.

 

[Guest]

nm - Variety is the spice of life, however...

nm

"El manana es nuestro, companero..."

 

[JamesS]

Absolutely right, lets brighten things up.

I could start with the boat in Yarmouth last year who positively begged us to come alongside and had a crew of four ready to take our lines.

Or the year before last when we 'lost' our main halyard up the mast and the guy on the next boat voluntered to take a trip up the mast to retrieve it.

There, I'm feeling better already!!!!

Cheers

 

[Guest]

Some mild hypocrisy from me

Having called for a more positive outlook, and seen the good Bill MacFarlane start a thread on the subject, I've just thought of a tale of woe to share with you.

A Saturday afternoon three or four weeks ago. Better Half and myself in Norfolk about to take our new yacht out. Howling gale brewing up, winds get stronger and stronger while we're on the river.

We struggle back to Horning with her under engine, but the wind's so strong she's barely got steerage way and things come close to turning quite ugly. While we've been out, two cruisers have also decided to get off the river and have (quite legally as they were Blakes boats and our yard has a hire fleet) taken the last two available fore and aft berths.

We moor up for five minutes on the adjacent pub mooring while I run round to the yard to ask where they want us to leave her, to mutterings of "you can't put her there, you know' from the pub owner. Never mind the 70mph winds pinning her onto the mooring and the fact that the occupants of the cruisers were in his pub! The problems of getting her head off again led to an extremely intimate moment with one of the cruisers which, wanting to leave and caught between a yacht and a hard place, popped out like a cork from a bottle.

Ah well, it'll only get worse between now and August...

"El manana es nuestro, companero..."<P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1>Edited by The_Fruitbat on Thu Mar 28 14:18:57 2002 (server time).</FONT></P>

 

[Ohdrat]

Re: Some mild hypocrisy from me

I'm just very glad that I sail uncrowded and friendly waters

 

[Guest]

Re: Some mild hypocrisy from me

To be fair, they are usually pretty friendly and even occasionally uncrowded. Where do you sail?

"El manana es nuestro, companero..."