ShipsWoofy
Well-Known Member
Car Parking
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was
one of 19.36m(63ft 2ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces,
by Mrs. Elizabeth Simpkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova 'Swing'
on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Ropergate,
Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8
hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings
of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two
lamp posts.
Film Confusion
The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband
without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th
October 1990, when Mrs. Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to
watch 'The Ipcress File'. She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2
mins 40secs before asking "Is he a goodie or a baddie, him in the
glasses?" revealing a staggering level of ignorance. This broke her own
record set in 1962 when she sat through 2 mins48 secs of '633 Squadron'
before asking "Is this a war film?"
Incorrect Driving
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504 km
(313miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn at the wheel of
a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles
into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing
from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the
longest completed journey with the choke fully out and the right
indicator flashing.
Shop Dithering
The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between 21st
August and 2nd September 1995 by Mrs. Sandra Wilks in the Birmingham
branch of Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs.
Wilks could not choose between two near identical dresses which were
both in the sale. After one hour, her husband, sitting on a chair by the
changing room with his head in his hands, told her to buy both. Mrs.
Wilks eventually bought one for 12.99, only to return the next day and
exchange it for the other one. To date, she has yet to wear it.
Mrs. Wilks also holds the record for window shopping longevity, when,
starting September 12th 1995, she stood motionless gazing at a pair of
shoes in Clinkard's window in Kidderminster for 3 weeks two days before
eventually going home.
Jumble Sale Massacre
The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst fighting at a jumble
sale is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on
February 12th 1991. When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial
scramble to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being killed in a crush
at the first table. A seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore
dress costing 10p which escalated into a full scale melee resulting in
another 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle over a headscarf then
ensued and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women.
The jumble sale raised £5.28 for local boy scouts.
Talking about Nothing
Mrs. Mary Caterham and Mrs. Marjorie Steele sat in a kitchen in
Blackburn, Lancs. and talked about nothing whatsoever for four and a
half months from 1st May to 7th August 1978, pausing only for coffee,
cakes and toilet visits. Throughout the whole time, no information was
exchanged and neither woman gained any new knowledge whatsoever. The
outdoor record for talking about nothing is held by Mrs. Vera
Etherington and her neighbour Mrs. Dolly Booth of Ipswich, who between
11th November 1983 and 12th January 1984 chuntered on over their fence
in an unenlightening dialogue lasting almost 62 days until Mrs.Booth
remembered she'd left the bath running.
Gossiping
On February 18th 1992, Joyce Blatherwick, a close friend of Agnes
Banbury popped round for a cup of tea and a chat, during the course of
which she told Mrs. Banbury, in the strictest confidence, that she was
having an affair with the butcher. After Mrs. Blatherwick left at
2.10pm, Mrs. Banbury immediately began to tell everyone, swearing them
all to secrecy. By 2.30pm, she had told 128 people of the news. By
2.50pm it had risen to 372 and by 4.00pm that afternoon, 2774 knew of
the affair, including the local Amateur dramatic society, several
knitting circles, a coachload of American tourists which she flagged
down and the butchers wife. When a tired Mrs. Banbury went to bed at
11.55pm that night Mrs. Blatherwick's affair was common knowledge to a
staggering 75,338 people, enough to fill Wembley Stadium.
Group Toilet Visit
The record for the largest group of women to visit a toilet
simultaneously is held by 147 workers at the Department of Social
Security, Longbenton. At their annual Christmas celebration at a night
club in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne on October 12th 1994,Mrs. Beryl Crabtree got
up to go to the toilet and was immediately followed by 146 other members
of the party. Moving as a mass, the group entered the toilet at 9.52pm
and, after waiting for everyone to finish, emerged 2 hrs 37 mins later.
Single Breath Sentence
A Berkshire woman today became the first ever to break the thirty minute
barrier for talking without drawing breath. Mrs. Mavis Sommers, 48, of
Cowley, smashed the previous record of 23 minutes when she excitedly
reported an argument she'd had in the butchers to her neighbour. She
ranted on for a staggering 32 minutes and 12 seconds without pausing for
air, before going blue and collapsing in a heap on the ground. She was
taken to Radcliffe Infirmary in a wheelbarrow but was released later
after check-ups. At the peak of her mammoth motormouth marathon, she
achieved an unbelievable 680 words per minute, repeating the main points
of the story an amazing 114 times whilst her neighbour, Mrs. Dolly
Knowles, nodded and tutted. The last third of the sentence was delivered
in a barely audible croak, the last two minutes being mouthed only,
complained by vigorous gesticulations and indignant spasm.
<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.topcatsail.co.uk>Woof</A>
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was
one of 19.36m(63ft 2ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces,
by Mrs. Elizabeth Simpkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova 'Swing'
on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Ropergate,
Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8
hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings
of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two
lamp posts.
Film Confusion
The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband
without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th
October 1990, when Mrs. Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to
watch 'The Ipcress File'. She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2
mins 40secs before asking "Is he a goodie or a baddie, him in the
glasses?" revealing a staggering level of ignorance. This broke her own
record set in 1962 when she sat through 2 mins48 secs of '633 Squadron'
before asking "Is this a war film?"
Incorrect Driving
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504 km
(313miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn at the wheel of
a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles
into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing
from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the
longest completed journey with the choke fully out and the right
indicator flashing.
Shop Dithering
The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between 21st
August and 2nd September 1995 by Mrs. Sandra Wilks in the Birmingham
branch of Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs.
Wilks could not choose between two near identical dresses which were
both in the sale. After one hour, her husband, sitting on a chair by the
changing room with his head in his hands, told her to buy both. Mrs.
Wilks eventually bought one for 12.99, only to return the next day and
exchange it for the other one. To date, she has yet to wear it.
Mrs. Wilks also holds the record for window shopping longevity, when,
starting September 12th 1995, she stood motionless gazing at a pair of
shoes in Clinkard's window in Kidderminster for 3 weeks two days before
eventually going home.
Jumble Sale Massacre
The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst fighting at a jumble
sale is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on
February 12th 1991. When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial
scramble to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being killed in a crush
at the first table. A seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore
dress costing 10p which escalated into a full scale melee resulting in
another 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle over a headscarf then
ensued and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women.
The jumble sale raised £5.28 for local boy scouts.
Talking about Nothing
Mrs. Mary Caterham and Mrs. Marjorie Steele sat in a kitchen in
Blackburn, Lancs. and talked about nothing whatsoever for four and a
half months from 1st May to 7th August 1978, pausing only for coffee,
cakes and toilet visits. Throughout the whole time, no information was
exchanged and neither woman gained any new knowledge whatsoever. The
outdoor record for talking about nothing is held by Mrs. Vera
Etherington and her neighbour Mrs. Dolly Booth of Ipswich, who between
11th November 1983 and 12th January 1984 chuntered on over their fence
in an unenlightening dialogue lasting almost 62 days until Mrs.Booth
remembered she'd left the bath running.
Gossiping
On February 18th 1992, Joyce Blatherwick, a close friend of Agnes
Banbury popped round for a cup of tea and a chat, during the course of
which she told Mrs. Banbury, in the strictest confidence, that she was
having an affair with the butcher. After Mrs. Blatherwick left at
2.10pm, Mrs. Banbury immediately began to tell everyone, swearing them
all to secrecy. By 2.30pm, she had told 128 people of the news. By
2.50pm it had risen to 372 and by 4.00pm that afternoon, 2774 knew of
the affair, including the local Amateur dramatic society, several
knitting circles, a coachload of American tourists which she flagged
down and the butchers wife. When a tired Mrs. Banbury went to bed at
11.55pm that night Mrs. Blatherwick's affair was common knowledge to a
staggering 75,338 people, enough to fill Wembley Stadium.
Group Toilet Visit
The record for the largest group of women to visit a toilet
simultaneously is held by 147 workers at the Department of Social
Security, Longbenton. At their annual Christmas celebration at a night
club in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne on October 12th 1994,Mrs. Beryl Crabtree got
up to go to the toilet and was immediately followed by 146 other members
of the party. Moving as a mass, the group entered the toilet at 9.52pm
and, after waiting for everyone to finish, emerged 2 hrs 37 mins later.
Single Breath Sentence
A Berkshire woman today became the first ever to break the thirty minute
barrier for talking without drawing breath. Mrs. Mavis Sommers, 48, of
Cowley, smashed the previous record of 23 minutes when she excitedly
reported an argument she'd had in the butchers to her neighbour. She
ranted on for a staggering 32 minutes and 12 seconds without pausing for
air, before going blue and collapsing in a heap on the ground. She was
taken to Radcliffe Infirmary in a wheelbarrow but was released later
after check-ups. At the peak of her mammoth motormouth marathon, she
achieved an unbelievable 680 words per minute, repeating the main points
of the story an amazing 114 times whilst her neighbour, Mrs. Dolly
Knowles, nodded and tutted. The last third of the sentence was delivered
in a barely audible croak, the last two minutes being mouthed only,
complained by vigorous gesticulations and indignant spasm.
<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.topcatsail.co.uk>Woof</A>
