The breaking of a confidence

[claymore]

Just supposing you had a friend.
One evening in an idle and unguarded moment, you confide in this friend that as you were giving one final turn of the screw to a jubilee clip holding one of your bilge pump pipes and that at the moment of climax of this final effort, you gave a slight involuntary shudder - mostly because of the angle at which you were working with your arse above your elbows. As a result, from the right hand breast pocket of your overalls - where it has been snugly ensconced all the day, your mobile phone does its Cromer Lifeboat impression as it launches itself into the darkest recesses of your bilges - irretrievable despite the employment of a magnet, a childs fishing net and ultimately the fishing net's owner, dangled firmly by his ankles.
The aforementioned supposed friend clucks and tuts and makes the noises one would normally associate with condolence, empathy and sympathy. The big lang floppy-lugged jessie then resurrects a 5 year old post and stratocasts the whole conversation to the world and his fender.
What would you do?

 

[sarabande]

Threaten to sell the Claymore tapes to the highest bidder ?

 

[Becky]

Surely you would respond in a similar manner. There must be some juicy morsel of scandal lying deep in the Claymore memory banks that would provide embarrassment to the miscreant and pleasure to your many readers? /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

 

[PuffTheMagicDragon]

[ QUOTE ]

What would you do?

[/ QUOTE ]

I believe that this would, most definitely, be a case that warrants apophallation! Just as a starter, of course. /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[Pye_End]

Buy a new phone.

 

[ThereAndBack]

[ QUOTE ]
apophallation

[/ QUOTE ]

What a crackingly good word - can't wait for a chance to use it. /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

 

[uforea]

Would this leave you feeling "bitten and twisted" ??

/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
Ted.

 

[TiggerToo]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
apophallation

[/ QUOTE ]

What a crackingly good word - can't wait for a chance to use it. /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

for those who did not know (e.g. me) here goes:

Apophallation - From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
Apophallation is a technique used by some slugs following intercourse.

The slugs (which are hermaphroditic) have relatively large penises which wrap around each other in a tight spiral. They can have difficulty separating afterwards. Should that be the case, the solution is for the slug to gnaw off either its own, or its partner's penis - making separation possible. No replacement penis grows. The apophallated slug adopts a purely female function.

 

[claymore]

I feel at this juncture, before things take a turn for the worse, that Sgeir and I are both happily married men. I should further point out in these days of gay marriage and tolerance that we are married to women - separate women and that personally, Sgeirs Willie and what he does with it is entirely his own business and none of my own.
Furthermore - whilst there are prettier versions of homo sapiens on the planet - Sgeir could never be likened to a slug and I would think that to do so may have a serious effect on the health of anyone who tried it.

 

[Evadne]

It is always sad to see auld friends fall out over a moment's indiscretion. A brave attempt at humourus banter late at night can so easily degenerate into a blood feud and a duel to the death. You should kiss and make up ... well, shake hands at least. If that prospect is unappetising, can I recommmend the Laphroaigh arbitration method? You both agree on a quantity of fine malt, a gift to the aggrieved party (yourself, of course,) that will heal the wounds, then drink it between you that evening. All slurs and hurts are forgotten in the raging hangover that ensues, and all is well again.

 

[Aja]

On a Brighter Note

I can't afford an announcement in The Times ...

Mr & Mrs D Bexxxn would like to announce that this year they will be carrying, purely for medicinal purposes measures of both 'Highland Park' and 'Talisker' aboard their fine vessel Aja.

Communications between vessels, requiring administrations of above nectar and Aja can be either by mobile phone or for those less communicative by Very High Frequency telecommunications.

Ends

 

[claymore]

Good up to the point where we start drinking - Sgeir is one of they creatures what disnae have swallow or a clack.
He just poors it doon and ah cannae keep up wi him.

 

[claymore]

Re: On a Brighter Note

Wid you hev yer DSC thingy number so ah can get ye keyed in?

 

[Evadne]

I still think it's worth a try. /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[PuffTheMagicDragon]

[ QUOTE ]

for those who did not know (e.g. me) here goes:

Apophallation - From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


[/ QUOTE ]

A slight clarification. Whoever wrote the entry in Wikipedia is not quite correct; it happens quite often.

Apophallation is not exclusive to slugs. The derivation is from the words 'apo', meaning 'without' and 'phallus' which means willie.

So, apophallation, as a punishment, was the forcible removal of one's willie, as distinct from the less drastic 'castration' which does not remove the tool itself but just the appendages! /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif

Having made that clear - I hope - I can now go back to my breakfast. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[Kilter]

"less drastic"? /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif Any chopping of bits in that region sounds pretty damn drastic to me, Wally! /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

 

[Aja]

Whit\'s That....

DSC?

Donald

 

[PuffTheMagicDragon]

[ QUOTE ]
"less drastic"? /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif Any chopping of bits in that region sounds pretty damn drastic to me, Wally! /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, quite!

However, to use an analogy, castration 'merely' removed the nuts; one still had the bolt and could still use it safely.
On the other hand, after apophallation there was absolutely nothing left attached. No nuts, no bolt, no fun! /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif

 

[Bergman]

Re: Gentlemen

While battles between former friends may have a certain morbid appeal.

Can we draw a line under the apophallation thing.

Its all making me feel rather queasy.

And most certainly is not a subject suitable for those of us with finer feelings certainly not on Mayday.

 

[cliff]

[ QUOTE ]
Good up to the point where we start drinking - Sgeir is one of they creatures what disnae have swallow or a clack.
He just poors it doon and ah cannae keep up wi him.

[/ QUOTE ]Oooh!- you noticed have you? They original "never a drop touches my lips" - it is going so fast it hardly even touches his tongue - straight down the neck. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
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