The balls have it! - Humour

ToMo

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A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. He finally jumped up and took a blanket to the couch. The next day the wife feeling rather guilty about what happened, decided to buy her husband a gift, and since he was an avid golfer she went to the pro shop where he usually played golf. She asked the Golf pro what would make a nice present; he suggested a putter and showed her one of his finest. "How much is it?" she asked. "One hundred and fifty pounds," he replied. She thought that was quite expensive and told him so. "But it comes with an inscription," he said. "What kind of inscription?" she asked. "Whatever you wish," he explained, "but one of the old golfers favorites is, 'NEVER UP, NEVER IN.'" "Oh, that wont do!" exclaimed the wife. "That's what started the argument in the first place!
 

KevB

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Sadly, Bob was born without any ears, and though he proved to be successful in business, his problem annoyed him greatly. One day he needed to hire a new manager for his company, so he set up three interviews.
The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed
to know and was very interesting. But at the end of the interview, Bob asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" "Why, yes, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears," came the reply. Bob did not appreciate his candour and threw him out of the office. The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?" "Well," she said stammering, "um - you have no ears." Bob again got upset and chucked her out in a rage. The third and final interviewee was the best of the bunch, he was a young man who had recently earned his MBA. He was smart. He was handsome, and he seemed to be a better businessman that the first two put together. Bob was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?" Much to his surprise, the young man answered, "Yes, you wear contact lenses, don't you?" Bob was shocked and realised this was an incredibly Observant person. "How in the world did you know that?", he asked. The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no fu**ing ears
 

terryw

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Guy decides to take his girlfriend out for a posh meal at the weekend, but does not want to use his old, slightly dented car, so he asks his mate if he can borrow his BMW for the evening. "Sure, no trouble", he says, "come and collect it about 4 o'clock, I should be back from the golf club by then". Saturday evening arrives and the guy collects his girl and starts driving to the restaurant. While they are travelling she looks around the car, and in the glove box. Here she finds some golf tees and asks what they are. "They're tees" he replies. "What they for" she enquires. "They are for resting your balls on when driving off" he tells her. "Wow, these BMW engineers thing of everything" she exclaims.
 
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