tcm in jail - please help!

many many years ago, as a PhD student, I used to travel regularly from Cardiff to London at weekends to see my girlfriend. One weekend dozy git of a conductor clipped the return part of ticket rather than outbound while on way to London.

Returning to Cardiff on Monday morning rather than usual relaxed Sunday eve, conductor refused to accept ticket and when I tried to explain not my fault, decided I was awkward, and had the train stopped at Swindon, and me escorted off (ie carried involuntarily) by a bunch of station staff. In the station office, I explained again, and when not allowed any representation, called the police on the staion managers own phone, and demanded to be arrested or charge the gits with kidnapping or something. The taking charge of the phone bit was interesting as they wouldn't call, and wouldn't let me have the phone, so there was a bit of a barny. When the police arrived they listened calmly, then told the twerps to let me go and as a polite apology get me on next fastest train home with taxi fare and they wouldn't press charges against them.

Got on train to London next weekend and some twerp clipped the return part of ticket and couldn't understand why I went ballistic and demanded a new ticket with outbound only part clipped.
 
There's nothing wrong with the Orient. Forty four years man and boy I've suffered. They may be bottom of the league at the moment but there is only one way to go (and if anyone says relegation I'll come round and shove a rancid herring up yer bilge pipe). I wont let you drag their name through the mire with some fare dodging train wrecking thug.

kim
 
A lesson for all law abiding citizens

This government wants us to:-

Travel by public transport and then criminalises us for doing so - so, travel by car, preferably a Range Rover 6.0L

Go green by using coloured bin bags for paper and plastic, and then criminalises us for getting one sheet of paper in the wrong bin! - Don't participate, just stuff it all in the black bags like you used to and them the local authority sort it out.

Wants us to save for retirement using pensions and then destroys the pensions we have saved in - Don't do it!! - find other vehicles to build wealth that can't be attacked by Gordon!

I could go on - the list of such things is depressingly long. Just don't help the moronic, jumped-up, bureaucratic, self-appointed, over-paid civil servants. Just stop helping them and lets se where it all ends up.
 
Best bloody place for him
Far safer there in a snug cell with his own slops bucket that being bounced around off the west coast of the auld sod with Para and Finn MacCool
 
there of course lies the key Bob - if tcm had simple paid the poor man and agreed with him that he was just doing his job and it's the fault of someone else, the machines, etc etc then enjoyed having a right go in writing with his 'proof' etc at a later stage he would have -
1. made a new friend
2. got his money back
3. caught his flight
4. avoided a criminal record ( /forums/images/graemlins/crazy.gif)

parallels with being boarded by French customs here me think's............
 
was supposed to join this fine crew of criminals but the delights of clinic and theatre - and the weather forecast- made this impossible.
Did they get the other criminals?
Para was flying (for 1p !!!) - should he pay an emission tax?
 
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me escorted off (ie carried involuntarily)

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There's a lovely description of this sort of thing by Spike Milligan in one of his war books: "I left the pub with my head held high and my feet held higher".

Back to tcm.

First up: In First Great Western train last week I was in the nobs' carriage and the table was so busted it had been removed and the springs on the seat were pretty much poking through and the aircon was bust and the biscuits weren't very nice.

Second: m'lud, mr tcm is a flamboyant man given to extravagant gestures. I put it to you that whilst you and I might not feel the need to wave our arms to give emphasis to what we have to say, we should nevertheless allow that - in the extremity of emotion engendered by the false accusation of non payment - it was quite natural for tcm to extend his arms beseeching the staff to show some humanity, to think of the shame that being pilloried before his peers would bring on this noble man; how his fragrant and devoted wife would be brought to tears of shame; how his little children would be torn asunder from their parents and at that moment, if his outstretched arm did brush against the table, well I put it to you m'lud that it was an accident; nothing more and nothing less.
 
Absolutely hilarious !!

I can see it all happening - I think TCM should be allowed to use evidence of destroying things on his own boat at his own expense to prove how badly-engineered they are as a justifiable defense >>>

Funny thing is - possibly 1st time TCM has been on train since days of steam!! Wish I'd been there for the craic --- even if I did have to spend a little time at HMP --

PS - For those of you with deep social responsibilities , I apologise for taking such a non-serious view of the 'crime'

Best Larf for weeks -
 
you are not th efirst - didn't python do some excellent sketches on social irresponsible pensioners...........like this one.... /forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif

he ws alright until he retired see....
 
Chief Constable
British Transport Police
etc.

Following your decision to charge my client, Mr tcm, with criminal damage to a train will you please confirm that the evidence in this case, i.e. the train carriage, has been de-coupled and moved to sidings and protected as an alleged crime scene and as evidence which may require to be inspected by jurors. I am instructed by my client to appoint an independent forensic engineer to carry out a full examination of the damage which you allege to be criminal and which my client insists was the result of faulty workmanship, design and / or maintenance.

Please note I will also require discovery of the following:

1. Copies of maintenance logs for this carriage for the past twelve months
2. The identification of those who inspected, instructed, carried out and certified all maintenence tasks identified in (1) as we may require their subpoena as witnesses
3. The recommendations and advice of the manufacturer of the train carriage in regard to planned preventive maintenance tasks and periods
4. Maintenance details from all other rolling stock in your fleet manufactured by or containing the same fitments as the carriage my client is alleged to have damaged
5. Details of any reports from passengers, staff or others about the condition and fitness for purpose of the particular design of fitment my client is alleged to have damaged
6. Copies of the driver's and guard's logs if appropriate detailing any faults in the train during operation on that day
7. Copies of your companies standing maintenance, test and inspection procedures and method statements for this type of rolling stock
8. Full details of the training and qualification of staff who have carried out maintenance and inspection of this rolling stock prior to the alleged incident

There will doubtless be subsequent evidence required but I will require the above within 14 days and in any case 14 days prior to any hearing of this case.
 
Dear sir,

The carriage is now taken out of service and available for inspections @.....sidings.

Please find enclosed copies of requested documents 1,2,3,4,5,6..... x lever arch files.

(6 months later)... the bench find you guilty and order a fine of £250 ... costs?

"Ah yes... loss of use of rolling stock etc etc £Xk."

TCM PM me if you want details of a decent criminal solicitor based in London who will advise on best way to extracate yourself from this unfortunate predicament.
 
Well, I'd offered to take the auld man out for pint in London on Wednesday night, ie last night. Got a PM back from him yesterday saying he was going to Stansted for the Ireland trip.

And now look what's happened. That's what comes to people who refuse Sgeir's hospitality. /forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif
 
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Quite right too!

Bet they won't allow him to practice the pipes in jail!

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Certainly not! That would be an unnatural punishment way outside the Geneva convention.
 
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Hope he was not seen strangling the neighbours cat again

cheers Joe

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Let's face it, a man who would strangle the neighbours cat, can't be ALL bad. /forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif
 
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