Swan recipes

All well and good seeking recipes; you simply won’t get the thing to fit into the oven of a Neptune cooker.

Anyway, even if you could, the bit nearest to the flame would be charcoal and the bit nearest the door would be raw...
 
The ones in Portsmouth Harbour used to come pecking on the hull to beg for food. I'd never feed 'em, working on the basis that, if there isn't enough natural food they should bugger off to where there is - with my boathook up their arse if they demand breakfast at 4am again.

OTOH, drinking water is a problem, so I'd often leave a pontoon hose running slowly so they could drink their fill. Last year, they'd often see me coming and gather by a hose for their drink.
 
The water thing never occurred to me. This particular male takes up residence on a small "islet" here at this time of year to conduct his various acts of congress. His harem naturally follows. We see them less in the summer, but they still come by. I think they summer down on the pontoon upstream of cobden brisge where throngs of kids are aboput to feed them. From a natural history point of view it probably isn't a good thing, but it is good for kids to at least engage with nature in some way.
 
I was told as a kid that 'a swan can break a man's thigh with a blow from its wing' so often that I thought they went round doing nothing else. Feed him some weed. You know, weed.
 
Here's some erudite advice on feeding swans:
http://www.theswansanctuary.org.uk/general-information/.

Fresh bread ok. Mouldy bread very very not ok.

Favourite food for our local swans seems to be spinach. They also go mad for porridge oats mixed with fresh water although we're not really sure whether it's the oats or the water they get more excited about.

No matter how nice I am to swans there's never any suggestion that they have a gram of affection for me in their cold dinosaur eyes. Thy look nice though...
 
Daverw said:
You should try kayaking at this time of year, then they above you looking down, just have stay well away for the next month or so, after that then they don’t seem to care
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Yes, we always give them a wide berth though most of the time they seem not to be bothered by kayaks. Encountering a pair with 7 cygnets (all of about the same size) on the Suffolk Stour back in 2015 was a real surprise and a potential concern, but the youngsters were big enough for the parents not to be particularly protective. Either that or with an heir and 6 spares ... :)
 
I think swans on the Thames are under the monarch's purview... When I was rowing back in the 70's on said river it used to be quite funny when a swan threatened an eight, and it would invariably try to attack the bow... Bow or 2's oar would strike it in the neck whereupon it would somersault, and come up just in time for 3 or 4's blade to repeat etc all the way down...
 
Swans don't need feeding. A stupid old bat in Rowhedge nearly went to prison because she wouldn't stop feeding the swans, who made a right mess of the foreshore. These nutters seem to think that they are gaining the creatures' affection or gratitude, which is far from the case.

A curious feature of parts of the Southern Baltic is the presence of large numbers of swans around the shores of the open sea. The largest number I've seen were at Karrebaeksminde in Denmark, where there must have been many thousands on the nearby expanse of water, looking like white foam as far as you could see.
 
johnalison said:
Swans don't need feeding. A stupid old bat in Rowhedge nearly went to prison because she wouldn't stop feeding the swans, who made a right mess of the foreshore. These nutters seem to think that they are gaining the creatures' affection or gratitude, which is far from the case.

A curious feature of parts of the Southern Baltic is the presence of large numbers of swans around the shores of the open sea. The largest number I've seen were at Karrebaeksminde in Denmark, where there must have been many thousands on the nearby expanse of water, looking like white foam as far as you could see.
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That's true. We entered a big bay in the Archipelago and said "oh look let's tie up to one of those mooring buoys over there". As we approached we realised they were swans. Couldn't get a rope round their necks though!
 
Prasutigus said:
He thought you were looking at his bird ;)
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Today he spent a good hour herding and bullying every other swan around, it was amazing to see his acceleration in the water, a perfect wake trailing as he gave chase to his poor victims. Majestic puffed up beast, but an utter psychopath.
 
Contact St John's College Cambridge. We were always told they had a right to eat swan. we got chicken at my college that tasted like fish as they were fed on fish meal.

On a serious note I have a book on cycling that deals with dog attacks by saying 'remember you are a big, clever mammal and probably outweigh the dog. it it's determined to attack running wont help but you can fight back.'

The book goes on to suggest you use a bike pump. If you sail a gaffer a metal belaying pin would be ideal!
 
I'm reminded of a friend's girlfriend who drove a Fiat 500 - the real one, back in the '60s. On a road she drove down most days lived a dog that always chased her car, barking "heroically". One day, the said lady got fed up with this and stopped the car, wound down the window and yelled out "All right, you've caught me, now what are you going to do?" The dog looked at her then wandered off totally confused, never to bother her again.

Rather doubt it would work with your friendly local psychopath, though. A deck broom round the ear would probably be more effective.
 
Burnham Bob said:
Contact St John's College Cambridge. We were always told they had a right to eat swan. we got chicken at my college that tasted like fish as they were fed on fish meal.

On a serious note I have a book on cycling that deals with dog attacks by saying 'remember you are a big, clever mammal and probably outweigh the dog. it it's determined to attack running wont help but you can fight back.'

The book goes on to suggest you use a bike pump. If you sail a gaffer a metal belaying pin would be ideal!
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I have an abiding image of the dog being inflated to death...However, I would use the bike as a barrier/weapon. An old man once told me 'carry a handsaw, teeth outwards, if he jumps up tread on his back feet'. Also there's the one about 'grab his front legs and pull them apart sideways, this should kill him', and if he grabs your forearm, other hand round the back of his neck and push upwards. This all sounds very good but if you're faced with 40kg of brainless alsation theories tend to disappear.
 
In the current climate (bloody freezing) try feeding him some toffee, a Mars bar would do. I believe that Swans and other such beasts have no saliva glands so once they have tried to masticate the said proffering they will find their beaks nicely bound in sticky toffee. I once tried this, by chance, when accosted by an over familiar swan whilst enjoying a spot of lunch at a lake in Milton Keynes. I was on the desert course (said Mars bar) so offered some to the feathered fiend, with better than anticipated results. Took him a while and plenty of splashing around in the water to clear the mess from his greedy chops.
 
Carp boilies are a great bait. If you hook one on rod & line they give a fantastic fight. Far better than a fish because they jump about all over the place. Frightens all the fish off though. Once you get it right in it is better to cut the line as gaffing it or getting it in a net would be a real pain in the rear. Harder than handling an eel.

I suppose if you want to get rid of it you need to ask a Polish plumber. They have them away really quick. Use a loop on a long piece of wood. I caught one trying to do it on the River Tweed once . Cleared off quick when he realised he had been sussed.
 
Pauly said:
In the current climate (bloody freezing) try feeding him some toffee, a Mars bar would do. I believe that Swans and other such beasts have no saliva glands so once they have tried to masticate the said proffering they will find their beaks nicely bound in sticky toffee. I once tried this, by chance, when accosted by an over familiar swan whilst enjoying a spot of lunch at a lake in Milton Keynes. I was on the desert course (said Mars bar) so offered some to the feathered fiend, with better than anticipated results. Took him a while and plenty of splashing around in the water to clear the mess from his greedy chops.
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Yes, we know concrete cant salivate... or is just the cows?
 
fisherman said:
I have an abiding image of the dog being inflated to death...However, I would use the bike as a barrier/weapon. An old man once told me 'carry a handsaw, teeth outwards, if he jumps up tread on his back feet'. Also there's the one about 'grab his front legs and pull them apart sideways, this should kill him', and if he grabs your forearm, other hand round the back of his neck and push upwards. This all sounds very good but if you're faced with 40kg of brainless alsation theories tend to disappear.
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Who was it said that the best military plans come apart on first contact with the enemy?
 
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