Sailing and marriage?

Think yourself lucky there are no children involved.

If your ex-wife's new partner using your boat causes you do much unhappiness, what agonies would you have gone through seeing him with your children? It's something many have had to face.
 
Seems a reasonable compromise. Just need to be realistic about what having access to the boat until next April means. If you play fair then it needn't get nasty. Playing fair could involve her having priority access to the boat on days 1-16 of each month (inclusive).

Would recommend against you owning 100% of the boat with her having access to it - this could cause all kinds of issues if she had a major incident on the boat with her partner on one of her access days. Just agree for joint ownership for the next 6 months. Any agreement should assert that you will buy her out in April 2017 at a specified price (name it now) OR that you will both sell the boat and split the proceeds - this back out clause may be useful as you don't know what your priorities (or financial situation) are going to be in April next year.

I appreciate it's hard, but let her enjoy the boat with her new partner over the next 6 months. From what you've said in this thread, she probably deserves this.
 
Agree with Robf.

In addition, I would add, have you considered getting in a mediator as opposed to a lawyer for the divorce proceedings?
 
This only thing that can go wrong is if something goes wrong with the boat between now and April.

You need to both be sure how the costs are going to be managed.
 
An alternate view - some may think rather nasty, but....

You've agreed to buy the boat from her and agreed the amount. To avoid uncertainty going forward, complete on that deal straight away without any other side agreements. Do the MCA bill of sale, get it lodged. Boat is yours.

Agree in a letter or email or preferably by phone that she can use it until April. Don't bother with any written agreement because every clause is a potential point of discussion and delay - juts agree she can have use of it on a fair and shared basis.

Then. once you own the boat 100%, move it to another marina that she has no knowledge of. Don't tell her where it is. Ignore her requests to use it. Say nothing. Write nothing.

If she then wishes to enforce her usage she will need to go legal to enforce the "agreement" which in itself will be full of holes because you have done it by very simple text / phone / email. The cost of enforcing action via the courts is huge - it will cost her roughly £3k just to get counsel advice, lawyers, write to you (just ignore it all), court fees, and the time scale is long - expect it to take 3-6 months before papers are issued, followed by 4-6 months before first hearing, then another 8-10 months (if on Fast Track) before final hearing.

My guess is she will lose interest rapidly as the costs become apparent.

Once you own the boat you can move it wherever you like. You can scuttle it, lock it up, burn it - it's your property - she will have no say or claim, except as above, and she will need to spend good money to enforce.

Some may think this advice is unfair, but divorce is never fair, and usually ugely biassed against the male.
 
Comrade Red said:
An alternate view - some may think rather nasty, but....

You've agreed to buy the boat from her and agreed the amount. To avoid uncertainty going forward, complete on that deal straight away without any other side agreements. Do the MCA bill of sale, get it lodged. Boat is yours.

Agree in a letter or email or preferably by phone that she can use it until April. Don't bother with any written agreement because every clause is a potential point of discussion and delay - juts agree she can have use of it on a fair and shared basis.

Then. once you own the boat 100%, move it to another marina that she has no knowledge of. Don't tell her where it is. Ignore her requests to use it. Say nothing. Write nothing.

If she then wishes to enforce her usage she will need to go legal to enforce the "agreement" which in itself will be full of holes because you have done it by very simple text / phone / email. The cost of enforcing action via the courts is huge - it will cost her roughly £3k just to get counsel advice, lawyers, write to you (just ignore it all), court fees, and the time scale is long - expect it to take 3-6 months before papers are issued, followed by 4-6 months before first hearing, then another 8-10 months (if on Fast Track) before final hearing.

My guess is she will lose interest rapidly as the costs become apparent.

Once you own the boat you can move it wherever you like. You can scuttle it, lock it up, burn it - it's your property - she will have no say or claim, except as above, and she will need to spend good money to enforce.

Some may think this advice is unfair, but divorce is never fair, and usually ugely biassed against the male.
Click to expand...
Yes, you are right, it was rather nasty and rather amoral.
 
Comrade Red said:
An alternate view - some may think rather nasty, but....

You've agreed to buy the boat from her and agreed the amount. To avoid uncertainty going forward, complete on that deal straight away without any other side agreements. Do the MCA bill of sale, get it lodged. Boat is yours.

Agree in a letter or email or preferably by phone that she can use it until April. Don't bother with any written agreement because every clause is a potential point of discussion and delay - juts agree she can have use of it on a fair and shared basis.

Then. once you own the boat 100%, move it to another marina that she has no knowledge of. Don't tell her where it is. Ignore her requests to use it. Say nothing. Write nothing.

If she then wishes to enforce her usage she will need to go legal to enforce the "agreement" which in itself will be full of holes because you have done it by very simple text / phone / email. The cost of enforcing action via the courts is huge - it will cost her roughly £3k just to get counsel advice, lawyers, write to you (just ignore it all), court fees, and the time scale is long - expect it to take 3-6 months before papers are issued, followed by 4-6 months before first hearing, then another 8-10 months (if on Fast Track) before final hearing.

My guess is she will lose interest rapidly as the costs become apparent.

Once you own the boat you can move it wherever you like. You can scuttle it, lock it up, burn it - it's your property - she will have no say or claim, except as above, and she will need to spend good money to enforce.

Some may think this advice is unfair, but divorce is never fair, and usually ugely biassed against the male.
Click to expand...

Nope - don't do it.

If you buy her half straight away you then own a yacht that isn't hers. There is a specific prompt in the papers to apply for a Consent Order about 'does the other party own property, prestige cars, yachts, etc.'

You would then end up having to pay her half the value of the boat as part of the settlement. Again.
 
shan said:
Yes, you are right, it was rather nasty and rather amoral.
Click to expand...

Deliberately tricking her into reducing the price in exchange for an agreed benefit, then denying her that benefit? Not sure I could sleep at night if I did something like that.

Makes me think about my sister's divorce. That story might go some way to counteracting the sense of grievance so many men seem to feel about their breakups.
 
langstonelayabout said:
Nope - don't do it.

If you buy her half straight away you then own a yacht that isn't hers. There is a specific prompt in the papers to apply for a Consent Order about 'does the other party own property, prestige cars, yachts, etc.'

You would then end up having to pay her half the value of the boat as part of the settlement. Again.
Click to expand...

Good point. I forgot that catch-all.

Don't do it.
 
langstonelayabout said:
Nope - don't do it.

If you buy her half straight away you then own a yacht that isn't hers. There is a specific prompt in the papers to apply for a Consent Order about 'does the other party own property, prestige cars, yachts, etc.'

You would then end up having to pay her half the value of the boat as part of the settlement. Again.
Click to expand...

Comrade Red said:
Good point. I forgot that catch-all.

Don't do it.
Click to expand...

There are good reasons not to do it (being devious at the start of divorce "negotiations" is guaranteed to ensure things get horribly worse). The reason above is incorrect, however.

Say the boat is worth £10k (market value) and The Commander has £5k cash.

So the value of Commander's assets is £10k (half of £10k plus the cash).

After the transaction, his assets are a boat worth £10k and no cash. So, just the same as before.

As we all know, buying a boat does not make you wealthier. :o
 
Comrade Red said:
An alternate view - some may think rather nasty, but....

...

Some may think this advice is unfair, but divorce is never fair, and usually ugely biassed against the male.
Click to expand...

Often divorce is unfair and biassed. However, I couldn't disagree more strongly with my Red Comrade's suggestion. Play fair, play nice, be the better person, don't be a <insert expletive here>. What's done is done. Don't ruin your life by trying to ruin hers.
 
Yes, you've made an agreement, so stick by it. Your primary aim is to navigate carefully and safely the period between now and the point at which you're legally divorced with all financial matters are settled - for better or worse. Then you're free to do what you wish, entirely so as there are no children involved.

Don't go near the boat until this is done. You're probably still too raw and don't yet have the mechanisms in place to protect yourself emotionally or fully understand your instincts - http://www.angermanage.co.uk/

Winter isn't the best time to go sailing anyway. Use your free weekends to volunteer at some local charity, or cultivate patience by making a model of HMS Bounty - http://www.cornwallmodelboats.co.uk/acatalog/caldercraft_hm_bounty.html

Being a good person is important, even if it hurts. You won't grow without it. Aim for your own absolute standards - much healthier than just being better than any given random person, which is too relative.

Your life is a long-game: don't play for cheap shots.
 
Last edited:
Babylon said:
Yes, you've made an agreement, so stick by it. Your primary aim is to navigate carefully and safely the period between now and the point at which you're legally divorced with all financial matters are settled - for better or worse. Then you're free to do what you wish, entirely so as there are no children involved.

Don't go near the boat until this is done. You're probably still too raw and don't yet have the mechanisms in place to protect yourself emotionally or fully understand your instincts - http://www.angermanage.co.uk/

Winter isn't the best time to go sailing anyway. Use your free weekends to volunteer at some local charity, or cultivate patience by making a model of HMS Bounty - http://www.cornwallmodelboats.co.uk/acatalog/caldercraft_hm_bounty.html

Being a good person is important, even if it hurts. You won't grow without it. Aim for your own absolute standards - much healthier than just being better than any given random person, which is too relative.

Your life is a long-game: don't play for cheap shots.
Click to expand...

The wisest words I've seen on the forum, I get the impression they've been hard learnt? Why is all the best stuff so difficult to learn?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Share this page

Top