Sailing and marriage?

thecommander said:
Decided to update this thread as it's been a while..
I've said no boat usage until we decided what's happening with the boat.
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LOL, I don't know whether this is a wind up or not.

She owns half the boat...but you won't LET her go out on it.

I see you haven't changed too much through the process.

Dude, if you had a new girlfriend and she and 3 of her hot friends had wanted to go out on the boat for a trip round the harbour to top up their tans.....can you honestly say you wouldn't have jumped all over it. If so, then you have to know something is not right about your attitude.
 
Sell your share, go get a new boat, that way every time you use it you won't be reminded of what has gone before.
 
thecommander said:
Decided to update this thread as it's been a while..

The boat hasn't been used since July.

I occasionally visit to check the lines and start the engine etc.

There's a worrying rumbling from the prop when she's put into gear, I suspect the prop is fouled!

--

My ex and her new partner want to use the boat together.

I'm not happy about it.

The thought of her using OUR boat with a new partner makes me feel sick.

I've said no boat usage until we decided what's happening with the boat.

That said, she doesn't want to buy my share out.

She's offered me her share at market rate.

Market rate of a 30 year old boat = overpriced nonsense.

Stalemate at the moment.

I can imagine it will get legal very soon.
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Make her an offer price-wise - if you can stop it going legal please do. Lawyers not only make a vast amount of money from you and your ex's misery, they often exacerbate residual bad feelings between couples. Make sure that she is contributing at least half of all the running costs and that she agrees to be liable for all costs incurred from her usage (not just breakages but fair wear and tear too).

If your ex is comfortable going out in the boat with her new partner quite so quickly after the end of her marriage I can't help wondering if you are as much to blame as you think - either way blaming never benefited anyone and no-one on hear has a clue as to the real situation so I won't say any more. The question you need to ask your self is what are going to do with your life now? I 100% agree with Mataji - a new partner changes everything.
 
Paul_S123 said:
LOL, I don't know whether this is a wind up or not.

She owns half the boat...but you won't LET her go out on it.

I see you haven't changed too much through the process.

Dude, if you had a new girlfriend and she and 3 of her hot friends had wanted to go out on the boat for a trip round the harbour to top up their tans.....can you honestly say you wouldn't have jumped all over it. If so, then you have to know something is not right about your attitude.
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In similar circumstances after the break up of a very long term relationship I can safely say that that is the last thing I would have wanted to do (I sold my car and moved house to clear the memories) and I would have thought most people felt the same way, especially after such a short time.
 
grumpy_o_g said:
In similar circumstances after the break up of a very long term relationship I can safely say that that is the last thing I would have wanted to do (I sold my car and moved house to clear the memories) and I would have thought most people felt the same way, especially after such a short time.
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Nobody would WANT that, but you have to get on with things. It's a crappy situation, but crap happens all the time. GF left, met a new guy, wants to go out on the boat she half owns. You have to be a man and let her...end of. If you deny her, you just look like a control freak and they are probably just laughing at you, they probably went and had fun somewhere else. Where is the good in that. Much better to appear not so bothered, which stops people laughing at you and stops things becoming so nasty.

You will meet someone else and won't even look back.
 
Being the gentleman I am, I have relented and let her use it...

Not that it's any of my business, but I get the sense her new partner thinks boat ownership is glamorous, *insert general public sailing stereotype here. From what I can gather, it's actually her new partner that is pushing to go out on it!

I tell you, there's nothing glamorous about owning a 35 year old boat in the Solent! Nothing at all!

Slightly frustrating as her new partner has paid absolutely nothing into the boat, and for all know could end up crashing or wrecking it and I would be liable for half the repair bill!

Frustratingly my ex does not want to buy my share, and is content to leave things as they are (eg spilt ownership).

She doesn't want to sell it.

I don't want to sell it as I love the boat.

My ex has made me an offer but it's simply the market value which I cannot afford.

All the above means we are in deadlock!

Moral of the story, never buy a boat with a partner unless you are 100% committed to each other! Get an agreement in place for these very situations. I never thought this would happen to me!
 
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It is now time to move on. You can not afford to hang on to the past and hope to change things. If she offered the buy you out of the boat for the same price as she said you could buy her out, then I feel it is best to sell it to her.
Make this a parting gesture to make her happy in her new life.
 
OK moving on...


Now you must start a new life without the costs and headaches of boat ownership. Join a good yacht club, there are lots of members desperate for crew both widowers and widows. A lot of yacht clubs need volunteers to help a race officials and if you throw yourself into that you can have a lot of fun and a good social life around it and you will be pin the water most weekends in the summer. Some clubs have summer cruises in exotic places were members charter boats together, the ICOYC is organising a cruise to Finland next year and many clubs are supporting this.

Life goes on as long as you have your health nothing else really matters you can enjoy life, it will be a different life to the one you had.

DON'T LOOK BACK LOOK FORWARD or you will make yourself miserable.
 
PS

Give you ex-wife your half of the boat and chill. Don't "get legal" it will just be cheaper to let her have it. Once you have done that you will feel better for all sort of reasons relief will be one of them.

Watch Dylans videos and you will see how much fun you can have on a budget.

Just chill.
 
My ex said she wanted X for her half of the boat where X was half a very unrealistic amount. Once I suggested that I was fine with selling it, but that half the costs of storage, brokerage etc were hers as well, she quickly changed her tune... Always worth considering how much the new partner has the key in the back and is winding up....
 
If you go down the legal path it will cost you a lot more than just money. You and her will always be saying you got a bad deal. You have because you will have nust purchased a new BMW or even a Yacht for the legal lot.
This boat is costing you money in moorings etc. It would not be that long before that will be more money than the loss now.

Unless you have to stay in that area why not move where there are cheaper moorings and buy another boat? This one would not have the baggage of the old one.
 
So my ex and I have had serious email discussions and I'm going to buy her share of the boat! She's dropped her asking price down to an affordable amount, but for that she wants access to the boat until April next year. This is because we've jointly paid the marina until April 2017 and I cannot afford to refund her half of the marina costs. After April 2017 I'll be free to move the boat wherever I want, most likely relocate it from the Solent to Ireland.

I do think this is a sensible arrangement, however I'm be keen to hear peoples thoughts on it.

So I'm going to get an agreement drawn up which will cover joint ownership until I buy her 50% stake in boat and then an agreement which will cover her access to the boat when I take a 100% stake in it.

The slight unknown in all this is her new partner who might disagree with this deal and perhaps advise her to drag this out and go legal with a view to taking my stake. You know what these legal people are like, they may find one little thing that entitles her to 100% of the boat or something.
 
If you're not in a position to refund her the marina fees you're nowhere near affluent enough to go legal.

If her new partner wants to buy your share in the boat, sell it to him. There are plenty of good uses boats on the market and any boat you then buy won't have the memories of your ex onboard.
 
You can always spot the boats that are for sale because of marital issues: they are the ones at silly prices.

Very silly price, boat in perfect order: still married; husband pretending he is trying to sell the boat.

Quite silly price, no maintenance done: ex wife selling the boat at what the ex told her it was worth.

Give away price: ex husband has been cleaned out by wife's lawyers...

DAMHIKT
 
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