Sailing and marriage?

[thecommander]

Wife has left me.

Thats it.

Its over.

One to many disagreements over and on the boat.

Going to spend the rest of the summer trying to sell the boat.

Great.

Suppose lucky no children involved.

Onwards and upwards as they say.

Somehow we managed to keep a mobo for years without falling out.

Is this a common occurrence for us raggies? Discuss.

 

[Robert Wilson]

I'm sorry to hear this.
I "walked-out" after 33 years of marriage, but a boat wasn't involved. I got sick of verbal, caustic abuse.
Two kids involved, but they had flown the nest.

I wonder why you're selling the boat? Settlement cash? Or blaming it?
If the latter, I'd hang-on to it as you may regret it later. And it's not the best of times to sell boats.

 

[thecommander]

I'm sorry to hear this.
I "walked-out" after 33 years of marriage, but a boat wasn't involved. I got sick of verbal, caustic abuse.
Two kids involved, but they had flown the nest.

I wonder why you're selling the boat? Settlement cash? Or blaming it?
If the latter, I'd hang-on to it as you may regret it later. And it's not the best of times to sell boats.

Sorry to hear that.

I blame the boat.

I blame my short fuse when onboard.

The boat was always a shared 'investment' and I can't afford to buy her half out.

We only bought the damm thing 2 months ago.

Though as she says, its only a boat which can be sold.

Glad its not a child.

 

[langstonelayabout]

Been there and done that. Twice.

We all need to be ourselves and honest with our partners but you really need to be accommodating too. They are, after all, participating in YOUR favourite sport.

Recently our first day of a flotilla holiday in Greece was interesting, the amount of husbands berating their wives when the anchors wouldn't come up perfectly the first time. Our chain stacked up and then jumped the gypsy. The missus still got the thing sorted nd anchor up and stowed. I congratulated her on a job well done (in front of everyone else still in bad moods...)

You'd best sort it out. Google has the numbers of many florists and marriage counsellors...

 

[thecommander]

Been there and done that. Twice.

We all need to be ourselves and honest with our partners but you really need to be accommodating too. They are, after all, participating in YOUR favourite sport.

Recently our first day of a flotilla holiday in Greece was interesting, the amount of husbands berating their wives when the anchors wouldn't come up perfectly the first time. Our chain stacked up and then jumped the gypsy. The missus still got the thing sorted nd anchor up and stowed. I congratulated her on a job well done (in front of everyone else still in bad moods...)

You'd best sort it out. Google has the numbers of many florists and marriage counsellors...

Beyond sorting out.

Offered to visit a counsellor for my temper issues.

Offered to visit a marriage/relationship counsellor.

Offered to take a break from sailing.

Even offered to stop sailing and sell up.

Offered to give her space.

Plenty of florists were procured.

Too little too late.

I deserve it.

She wants a different life now.

Life goes on.

Treat your sailing partner/wife well otherwise your hobby, sport and lifestyle are destroyed forever.

Its pretty obvious really.

Dont see red mist when something goes wrong onboard.

No more cruising for me.

Back to dinghies.

 

[steve yates]

I'm sorry for your loss commander, and hope you manage to move on and up, but that is one of the saddest posts I have ever read.
I can't imagine that simply sailing causes problems, but existing issues. Which will be magnified in the confines of a yacht.

 

[johnalison]

Sailing is a challenging activity and it brings out the best and worst in people. I am fortunate in that my wife is either blind to or tolerant of my failings, and that I haven't scared her, yet.

 

[MoodySabre]

Better no marriage than an unhappy one. You will survive but if your temper is an issue then fix it.

There was a thread recently about raggies wives and their dislike of sailing. Those who relish it are in the minority.

At least you can buy a small cheap boat and enjoy that.

Keep smiling. T-shirt etc.

 

[thecommander]

Cheers gents, your words are much appreciated.

 

[langstonelayabout]

Sadly it's only words. You won't be particularly pleased to know that the Consent Order application to the court to approve the division of assets does specifically prompt for the ownership of yachts, classic cars and pensions.

 

[stranded]

Sounds like you are a hot tempered bully who got what you deserve. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and think about the damage you have done to others.

 

[horatio_nelson]

Sorry to hear about this

Don't sell the boat, it's now when you'll really need it and when you can make good on all those daydreamed singlehanded adventures

Either way, I wish you all the best

 

[thecommander]

Sounds like you are a hot tempered bully who got what you deserve. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and think about the damage you have done to others.

Fair point. I need to deal with my issues. Shame it takes life changing things to force that.

 

[stranded]

Fair point. I need to deal with my issues. Shame it takes life changing things to force that to happen.

You do - but you are already miles ahead of loads of people because you can already see both sides. It's a very good starting point. She loved you once, and might again, but it will take real change, not flowers and fancy words.

 

[thecommander]

Sorry to hear about this

Don't sell the boat, it's now when you'll really need it and when you can make good on all those daydreamed singlehanded adventures

Either way, I wish you all the best

Never going to be the same alone.

We bought the boat to share together, not alone.

Too many memories wrapped up into the hull to ever enjoy alone.

I got what I deserve but would cut my right arm off to change that now

Dammit.

 

[thecommander]

You do - but you are already miles ahead of loads of people because you can already see both sides. It's a very good starting point. She loved you once, and might again, but it will take real change, not flowers and fancy words.

I don't expect her to ever change her mind. It's too late now and I got what I deserve.

Just a word of warning to fellow sailors. Treat your significant other with respect when sailing. It's pretty obvious, but when you see red mist because that anchor isn't coming up properly or that tack went skewiff, take a deep breath, relax and think about how much you love her. Even when beating into a F6 with 35 degree of heel and the sails flapping. Its just not worth arguing over and its only bloody sailing for god sake.

 

[obmij]

Never fails to shock me when I see skippers giving grief to crew - especially husband and wife crew - because, if you are the skipper, everything that goes wrong on your boat is your fault.

It is as simple as that.

 

[Robert Wilson]

Sounds like you are a hot tempered bully who got what you deserve. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and think about the damage you have done to others.

Fred rift. Warning.
Near Guildford? I'm in exile", staying at daughter's in Shalford. Fancy a beer an natter?

 

[stranded]

Fred rift. Warning.
Near Guildford? I'm in exile", staying at daughter's in Shalford. Fancy a beer an natter?

Depends whether you are the commander in disguise bent on stoving my head in. But in principle, I never say no to beer, and find that natter follows naturally. Shalford is a mere bike ride from me.

 

[Robert Wilson]

Name your local, or any suitable watering hole. I'm here for another two weeks, and hope to meet up with "Resolution" at the Dog and Pheasant , Brook.
I am me , and no-one else in disguise!!