tome
Well-Known Member
Not so sure...
To: MCA (Enforcement)
Re: Passage Northney to Cowes 17/05/04 SY Breathless
** WITHOUT PREJUDICE **
The following reportable incidents ocurred en route
1) 1 member of crew failed to report
Refer to our 999 call 1604. Thanks to you and Hampshire Police for locating him so quickly and in such embarassing circumstances. We trust that any further action will be left to his wife. Was she angry or what!
2) Insufficient Provisioning
We have held our own enquiry. The Co-op 2-for-1 offer on pot noodles did not extend to the 'Bad Boy' brand selected for the passage. The MCA is recommended to approach the Co-op management in Emsworth with a view to establishing more consistent labelling. All joining crew are now asked to bring spectacles - see our 'No Lense, No Hens' notes.
3) Equipment issues
As you are no doubt aware from our VHF communications on the day there were 4, all easily explained.
i) Blocked Heads
False alarm. We shall appeal your notice of pollution and fixed penalty on the grounds that the discharge under immense pressure once we had discovered the sea-cock handle represented merely an 'instant and obnoxious emission' under the Act and of no greater long-term environmental consequence than the planned slow release.
ii) Radar Reflector
We freely admit that this was removed at some point in the journey. Our subsequent enquiry revealed that we had a crew member on board with minority interests. This placed the remaining crew under severe stress and challenged the bridge management training recommended by the MCA. Actions already taken include the removal of all reflectors with transparent sleeves and 'mirror-like' reflecting internal surfaces, and a ban on lipstick for males.
We have copied this to our MEP as we feel MCA have provided inadequate quidance on gender and minority issues.
iii) Electrical Failure
MCA Communication failure. Our radio operator only said Buggered Lights after the greeny hit the chart table. If you'd bothered to listen to your tape, you would have heard the word 'Malboro'.
iv) Gas Explosion
You should be careful jumping to conclusions. Our gas installation has been tested and certified by a Corgi LPG inspector and is therefore current. I regard small blue flames from localised areas of the accommodation as a sign of a happy crew, and you won't budge me from this aspect of personal leadership. The explosion only occured as a result of a huge coincidence, and none of the crew were in hospital more than 48 hours.
4) Collisions
None this time.
5) Reportable Damage
Toe rail smashed to pieces, suspect lightning.
I have attached a small biometric sample to prove my identity and request your ackowlegement and speedy response.
<hr width=100% size=1>
To: MCA (Enforcement)
Re: Passage Northney to Cowes 17/05/04 SY Breathless
** WITHOUT PREJUDICE **
The following reportable incidents ocurred en route
1) 1 member of crew failed to report
Refer to our 999 call 1604. Thanks to you and Hampshire Police for locating him so quickly and in such embarassing circumstances. We trust that any further action will be left to his wife. Was she angry or what!
2) Insufficient Provisioning
We have held our own enquiry. The Co-op 2-for-1 offer on pot noodles did not extend to the 'Bad Boy' brand selected for the passage. The MCA is recommended to approach the Co-op management in Emsworth with a view to establishing more consistent labelling. All joining crew are now asked to bring spectacles - see our 'No Lense, No Hens' notes.
3) Equipment issues
As you are no doubt aware from our VHF communications on the day there were 4, all easily explained.
i) Blocked Heads
False alarm. We shall appeal your notice of pollution and fixed penalty on the grounds that the discharge under immense pressure once we had discovered the sea-cock handle represented merely an 'instant and obnoxious emission' under the Act and of no greater long-term environmental consequence than the planned slow release.
ii) Radar Reflector
We freely admit that this was removed at some point in the journey. Our subsequent enquiry revealed that we had a crew member on board with minority interests. This placed the remaining crew under severe stress and challenged the bridge management training recommended by the MCA. Actions already taken include the removal of all reflectors with transparent sleeves and 'mirror-like' reflecting internal surfaces, and a ban on lipstick for males.
We have copied this to our MEP as we feel MCA have provided inadequate quidance on gender and minority issues.
iii) Electrical Failure
MCA Communication failure. Our radio operator only said Buggered Lights after the greeny hit the chart table. If you'd bothered to listen to your tape, you would have heard the word 'Malboro'.
iv) Gas Explosion
You should be careful jumping to conclusions. Our gas installation has been tested and certified by a Corgi LPG inspector and is therefore current. I regard small blue flames from localised areas of the accommodation as a sign of a happy crew, and you won't budge me from this aspect of personal leadership. The explosion only occured as a result of a huge coincidence, and none of the crew were in hospital more than 48 hours.
4) Collisions
None this time.
5) Reportable Damage
Toe rail smashed to pieces, suspect lightning.
I have attached a small biometric sample to prove my identity and request your ackowlegement and speedy response.
<hr width=100% size=1>
