Prison NB

[mjf]

Wouldn't normally post off topic stuff but I thought this funny!


IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK...you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON...you get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK...you get more work for good behaviour.

IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for
yourself.

IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the toilet.

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't speak to your family.

IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct
taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...they are called managers.

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[itsonlymoney]

/forums/images/icons/laugh.gif

<hr width=100% size=1>Play the best game you can with the cards you've been dealt ! ! !

 

[martynwhiteley]

Great,

Although I replaced the last word 'managers' with 'financial directors' before I circulated it around the office!

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=blue> <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.mboat.org>http://www.mboat.org</A></font color=blue>

 

[MedDreamer]

A fine and honourable band of people, but how can I expect an engineer to have the subtlety to appreciate that

(

<hr width=100% size=1>Living the dream

 

[tcm]

Re: financial directors

hm, i often wondered what these really do.

I mean, okay, in a co bout £100m turnover mebbe there are clever finacially complicated tax thingies, and leverage wotsit, plus hedges or another hedge, and even derivative instruments.

But mostly financial directors are in companies that buy and sell things, and they turn over a few million quid, and they have ordinary accounts. Sell stuff for ten quid, buy it for somewhere between 1p and 9 quid. Or mebbe £10 if a bit rubbish.

However, financiallywise- what's to direct? I mean, it's not as if the bank account siezes up every other morning, or needs reorganising, or threatens to go on strike is it? The credit controlly dragons bang on at the phone to reduce the aged debt, the most useless timekeeper is always on the accounts payable and even bettter if on holiday or part time. Do the cheques need putting in numerical order, the invoices need a complete update, the pads of paper need streamlining? Nope.

The bookeeper peeps press a button at the end of the monthish and whoosh theres the figures innit, after a bit of excel tartyfying. The finacial director gets to look clever because he doles out the bits of paper at a Big Meeting and has seen the paper 10 minutes before anyone else or mebbe a couple of day befoe, so can lead the people thru as though he's ded clever and is entirely responsible for the figures. Except that really, he's responsible for the HP printer working. I mean - he can't do anything about the numbers, can he? Her can't get the figures that show crap sales and makem twice that, without lying - any morwe than he can halve the costs. All the other directors like sales and production and so on makem different, or better.

So, best thing for FD's is to stay quiet, make sure nobody reads this post, and hang in until they become Managing Director. Then sack the FD, cos of course, they are only after your job, and will spend their time mucking about honest decent computer system salespeople, ahem.

Incidentally it's much more fun for puter people to talk to the MD and not the dull uselss FD cos then they have to explain the possible new puter system WITHOUT talking about adding things up or financial things, which is quite hard cos that's what the computer system does, so usually they talk about boats, or cars, or golf. Oh, and of course, IT directors are an even bigger waste of space, same as having a Fridge and White Goods Director at home.

 

[tico]

Re: financial directors

Sh*t! hope the FD doesnt see me reading this at the office.. or.. horror of horrors , actually read it over my shoulder!!

Oh well... bang goes the CAD update and new plotter!!

<hr width=100% size=1>Been there, done that, got the oily T shirt

 

[boatless]

Re: financial directors

Doh!

I didn't realise that FDs were actually employed as such. The only one I met socially had been working at a certain public carpet company a few years ago.

Since he had been proved clearly incapable of anything truly creative, I'd always assumed that the FD was the accounts person who drew the shortest straw AFTER an enormous cock up was discovered.

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[peterandjeanette]

Made the mistake several years ago when we were taken over by another company. The Chairman came round the plant and said - " We must get this place decorated. It looks like a cross between a prison and a brothel"
My reply - " I bow to your superior knowledge ".

<hr width=100% size=1>