jimi
Well-Known Member
The Pope quite likes sailing and soon will be a valued member of my crew, how should I address him and what provisions should I keep on board for the auld bug8er?
Pope as crew
- Thread starter jimi
- Start date
tcm
...
I think you should take him on a exploratory cruise up the Caledonian Canal and make Holi-Ness gags several times a day.
jimi
Well-Known Member
Even better if he blessed it ...
tcm
...
he's a very VERY funny guy I think - i'm sure he was on the telly a while back in that series An Audience with...
jhr
Well-Known Member
Provisions: Five loaves and a couple of fishes should do the trick - he'll do the rest.
You can probably call him whatever you like; he doesn't seem to speak English. ;-)
You can probably call him whatever you like; he doesn't seem to speak English. ;-)
Goodge
Well-Known Member
Could be several problems here.
He'll keep knocking his hat off coming up the companionway
He'll want to keep stopping to bless the water
He'll only drink red wine.
He won't put up with your swearing.
Apart from that I think Musto do a breathable cassack for him to wear!
He'll keep knocking his hat off coming up the companionway
He'll want to keep stopping to bless the water
He'll only drink red wine.
He won't put up with your swearing.
Apart from that I think Musto do a breathable cassack for him to wear!
longjohnsadler
Well-Known Member
A cheap bottle of paint-stripping rum.
And, er make sure he's tied on properly.
And, er make sure he's tied on properly.
jimi
Well-Known Member
Do you think he'd like OberstgruppenfuehrerRatzitsMacHurley?
capricorn
Well-Known Member
Ditch the liferaft and tender as well.
Any problems and he'll arrange for the seas to part and you and the rest of the crew can walk to safety.
Even if no unforseen events occur, he wil still come in very useful. When you arrive at your destination there'll be no need for this dinghy and outboard nonsense, just step over the side and walk accross the water to the pub.
A useful chap to have aboard.
Any problems and he'll arrange for the seas to part and you and the rest of the crew can walk to safety.
Even if no unforseen events occur, he wil still come in very useful. When you arrive at your destination there'll be no need for this dinghy and outboard nonsense, just step over the side and walk accross the water to the pub.
A useful chap to have aboard.
andyhythe
Active Member
You should call him 2nd Mate, we all know who's no.1
Take along :-
Slippers so he does not wet his feet while walking on water.
Holy Water and of course :-
Some of those Devine Fray Bentos pies of yours.
With him on board, it's safe you leave the spare rudder at home to make some extra room.
PS Don't forget the Vatican Courtesy Flag
Take along :-
Slippers so he does not wet his feet while walking on water.
Holy Water and of course :-
Some of those Devine Fray Bentos pies of yours.
With him on board, it's safe you leave the spare rudder at home to make some extra room.
PS Don't forget the Vatican Courtesy Flag
tcm
...
Five loaves and three small fishes - what actually happened
Right, there's loads of followers hanging about on that hillside, about 5,000. And suddenly, J says how about some food eh? So, one of his mob has whipround and says "ooh well, i have five loaves and three small fishes here in this skanky piece of leather than hasn't ever been washed what with hygiene's not going to be invented for about 1800 years yet". Er, ok, then, says J, you better handem round!
So, these horrible ole stinky stoneage fishpaste sandwiches which must have been blimmin awful were handed round. Not unsurprisingly, everyone says "ooh ah, ahem, well no thanks cos I am suddenly not hungry and feel completely full, yes honest!" and some others think the old skanky bread and fish is actually a rubbish collectuion so they tip in any leftovers like halfeaten sandwiches they had brought tmesleves.
Thus, when it came back to the disciples, Lo! there was lots more food (well, sort of "food") than had they started with. A miracle!
I am fairly sure that the Pope will be able to back me up on this one, but it might be best if you asked him after you get back from the pub.
Right, there's loads of followers hanging about on that hillside, about 5,000. And suddenly, J says how about some food eh? So, one of his mob has whipround and says "ooh well, i have five loaves and three small fishes here in this skanky piece of leather than hasn't ever been washed what with hygiene's not going to be invented for about 1800 years yet". Er, ok, then, says J, you better handem round!
So, these horrible ole stinky stoneage fishpaste sandwiches which must have been blimmin awful were handed round. Not unsurprisingly, everyone says "ooh ah, ahem, well no thanks cos I am suddenly not hungry and feel completely full, yes honest!" and some others think the old skanky bread and fish is actually a rubbish collectuion so they tip in any leftovers like halfeaten sandwiches they had brought tmesleves.
Thus, when it came back to the disciples, Lo! there was lots more food (well, sort of "food") than had they started with. A miracle!
I am fairly sure that the Pope will be able to back me up on this one, but it might be best if you asked him after you get back from the pub.
pvb
Well-Known Member
To make him really happy...
If rumours are to be believed, to make the "auld bug8er" really happy you'd have to invite Josef Clemens, his 55-year old ex-secretary, along.
If rumours are to be believed, to make the "auld bug8er" really happy you'd have to invite Josef Clemens, his 55-year old ex-secretary, along.
jhr
Well-Known Member
Wossa Ratzit?
I think he'd prefer Herr Pullderfickenflappyropenthingen.
I think he'd prefer Herr Pullderfickenflappyropenthingen.
MrG_2
Well-Known Member
What about some Dave Allen tapes - just to set the mood....
luty
Active Member
if you need to goosewing he could pole the genoa out with his staff
Lakesailor
Well-Known Member
I would address him as:
The Pope
The Vatican
Rome
Italy
That'll do it.
I would make provisions for a few choir-boys.
The Pope
The Vatican
Rome
Italy
That'll do it.
I would make provisions for a few choir-boys.
landaftaf
Well-Known Member
if hes crew then make sure he knows whos boss ffs ..... no messin from the start. during lighter moments when the crew want you to join them to tell you what a smashing fellah you are - whatever you do dont mention the wa* (oh no!)
claymore
Well-Known Member
Well just mind his papalcy disnae get ower mich tae drink afore he gangs doon ra pontoon
Sgeir
Well-Known Member
Re: To make him really happy...
His Holiness's ex-secretary has just had promotion to secretary of the Pontifical Council for the Lay, so perhaps he may be qualified to keep Jimi's log.
His Holiness's ex-secretary has just had promotion to secretary of the Pontifical Council for the Lay, so perhaps he may be qualified to keep Jimi's log.
pvb
Well-Known Member
Good idea...
I'm sure he'd be able to get to grips with Jimi's log.
I'm sure he'd be able to get to grips with Jimi's log.
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