Pirate Flag

jimi

jimi

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I have been inspired by Captain Sparrow and wish to embark on a career in piracy, what's the best way to start? Is it an idea just to buy a big skull and crossbones flag and matching spinnaker and start that way. Is the Solent a good learning ground or am I better going firther afield? Any advice appreciated. Oh I need a sword what's the minimum acceptable length bearing in mind I'vegot short legs .. should the red ensign be flown in conjunction with the SB (skull & crossbones) or are they not complimentary?

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Jimi

Unfortunately, unless you are happy to re-locate, Piracy in UK waters is a dying industry. Might I suggest you look more toward chandlery as a career option, as many a pirate are gamely employed within that industry sector.

Just my ‘piece of eight’ worth!

Wayne

PS: as far as your sword length is concerned, I have been assured it is your ‘swash-buckling’ technique that is more important – irrespective of your leg measurement.


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has this business plan been submitted to gov for SME grant? need to downplay recent difficulties but otherwise every chance of success ...

convenient yard-arm might be in demand after admiral hutton's verdict. suggest thames region in 2 wks?

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pirate kit list - nearly there!

skull and crossbones flag (several for the large number of ships you are bound to catch)
grappling hooks
assorted swords
swaggering gait
unlikely-looking ancient pistol (2 off)

As you know, the other requirements are of course an ugly countenance, dangerous-sounding accent, a foul-smelling craft, expertise in carrying out high-speed threatening attacks on other boats under sail, plus some crap (possibly hand-drawn) charts, so erm...have you been planning this all along?


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Re: pirate kit list - nearly there!

Some more advice needed .. re rum

What kind is best

presume Bacardi is a no no.
Captain Morgan's
Orange Grove
Lamb's Navy
or
Mountgay?

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Re: pirate kit list - nearly there!

Any sort wil do PROVIDED that you drink it from the bottle having first ripped off the stopper with your teeth. Note that it iis all the same ole stuff, i believe, often diluted with lager etc.

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Re: pirate kit list - nearly there!

My preferences are -

Woods'
Four Bells
OVD
Watsons

And I like it mixed 50/50 with Crabbies - For medicinal purposes, you understand.

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Re: pirate kit list - nearly there!

The contraversial bit

"Whit parrot?"
I've heard Earl Greys are good but Assam Greens are better, kin ye use them as guide birds?

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Re: pirate kit list - nearly there!

I think that this should be regulated in some way and definitely by the EU (or EEC as you Brits call it). I would object to being exposed to pirates who do not meet certain generally accepted piracy standards. This could be done as an endorsement to the yachtmaster qualification.

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Re: pirate kit list - nearly there!

I've been led to beleive that there are modules in:
cutlass brandishing (see PBO thread for advice)
double crossing (esp in VTS)
swearing .. all the time
drinking
mooning
lighting your farts
and
Winching


I suppose its more of a practical than theory test?

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Re: pirate kit list - nearly there!

Thocht ye said Orange Bud there fur a minute. Orange Grove, sounds a bit Graham Nortony fur a pirates tipple. Woods 100, a bit mair like it. Mixed wi the obligatory measure o' Jura of course. Or in your case, pint o' ra Directors. Ah wid be a wee bit wary o' offerin ony pirate, somethin ca'd Mountgay as weel.


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Jimi
Before you undertake this new career move don't forget that you will have to submit a Risk Assessment, you can't just go off Swashing and Buckling irrespective of which flag(s) you try to fly?

Before leaving to swash and buckle you need to lodge a passage plan with the CG.

You may find yourself in direct competion with other pirates i.e. HM Customs & Excise (The VATMAN), Inland Revenue, Marina operators, Chandlers, all Politicians, Insurance companies and last but not least Twister Ken<s>

The EEC may have something to say on the subject, as at this moment I happen to know that there is going to be a new (revised) regulation covering Piratical Undertakings. This will include the size of boat, equipment to be carried, free board measurements, AVS, types of sails to be used, boat markings, flags to be flown, new colregs for lights/shapes to be displayed whilst pirating, etc.

The RYA are setting up a focus group to lobby both the British and European Pariaments on the subject.

The RNLI will offer a FREE "Pirate Check" to make sure you have the correct equipment aboard.

The insurance companies will want a higher premium because you will be carrying a sword, but I have it on good authority that Norwich Union are currently quoting Pirates "Happy" so try them?

You will need to fill in form PTP (part time pirate) 106593E for the IR to declare un-earned income for assessment. To be paid in advance against expected income. Failure to do this will result in a penalty fine + £5 to go towards Victim Support. Should you be completely unsucessful in pirating anyone and you have zero income you must tell the IR this or be fined for it.

Hampshire police are currently looking into erecting camera's in the Solent to catch unwary pirates that are speeding and a senior police source said that they would also "be breathalising those caught speeding or pirating" as a matter of course. The same source also said that there would be a concerted campaign in the press and TV to alert people to such unsocial behavour, although he also admitted that if the pirate was from an "ethnic minority, or an illegal alian" the police would do all in their power to stop the boat targeted by the pirate and arrest the boat owner for breach of the peace as trying to protect ones property and not letting the pirate take what ever he wanted was against current Government thinking, and they would slam him in the nick for 10 years, just to teach him a lesson.

When asked by J.Paxman on Newsnight, Tony B said that whilst he couldn't be blamed for the current situation regarding pirates he was in contact with George Dubya and they were considering sending a task force to the Solent but unfortunately the rib had no air in it, no L/jackets for the crew or petrol for the engine, however he did say that we were "ready to go" and any loss of life could be considered a "minor hiccup".

I wish you all the best in your new endevour and should you require a first mate with an eye patch, parrot and one leg please PM me.

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