Parrot Joke (really rubbish)

[jimi]

So there's this fellow with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "Quit it!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.

Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you," and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.

This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.

For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet.

At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbs onto the man's out-stretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.

Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"



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[clouty]

Made me laugh! thanks Jimi

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[longjohnsilver]

Keep up Jimi, that's the second time this week that joke's been on here!

And my parrot doesn't like it..............................

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[orion21]

Concrete and Asphalt are sitting in the bar having a quiet drink, when the door
opens and in walks Tarmac.

Tarmac strides over to the table where the others are sitting, looks at Asphalt
and demands "buy me a drink now you sniveling piece of grit"!

"yes, of course" cowers Asphalt and sidles off to the bar to buy Tarmac a pint.

Upon returning to the table Concrete shakes his head and says "look here mate,
you've got to stand up to him. All bullies are the same - if you stand up to him
he'll back off and leave you alone".

The following week the two friends are sat having a beer again, when the door
opens and sure enough, in walks Tarmac. "Asphalt!" he bawls, "a pint - NOW!"
After a reassuring nod from Concrete, Asphalt turns and replies "no, I'm sorry
Tarmac, I've taken stick from you for far too long, and I'm not having it any
more. Buy your own pint".

Tarmac steps back surprised, holds his hands up, says "fair enough", and
disappears off to the bar.

Needless to say Asphalt is pretty chuffed, and Concrete congratulates him. "Well
done mate, he shouldn't be pushing you round any more".

Another week passes, and again it's the same scenario when Tarmac walks into the
bar with a couple of friends. Instantly Asphalt dives under the table to hide,
cowering and trembling. "What the hell is the matter?" asks Concrete, "you stood
up to him last week".

"Yeah I know", replied Asphalt, "but this time he's got Red Tarmac with him, and
he's a bleeding cyclepath!"


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[orion21]

A German guy approaches a prostitute. "I vish to buy sex vit you".
"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 20 an hour".
"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky".
"No problem" she replies cautiously, "I can do little kinky".
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
"I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs".

The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs to her hands and knees.
"Now you vill get on your hans und knees" She duly does this, balancing on the springs.
"You vill please blow Zis vistle as I make love to you."
She finds this odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying The sex is fantastic. She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered the breath to say: "That was totally amazing, what do you call that?"

"Ah", says the German, ............................








"Four-sprung duck technique".


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[janeK]

Superb made me roar with laughter, thanks

<hr width=100% size=1>If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.