non boaty/ iNsAnE

[powerskipper]

HoW To KeEp A HeaLthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOple iNsAnE.

1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hairdryer at
passing cars to see if they slow down.

2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise yourvoice.)

3) Insist that your e mail address be :
god@companyname.com

4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want
fries with that.

5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized
chair dancing.

6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.

7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has
gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexualfavors.'

10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

11) Finish all your sentences with either "in bed","In accordance with the
prophecy", or "On a stick" (But pronounce it as on a steeeek.) if you are
really ambitious, finish your sentences with all 3. as in 'on a stick, in
bed, in accordance with the prophecy'.

12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level
lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

13) dontuseanypunctuationorspaces

15) Ask people what sex they are.

16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

17) Sing Along at the opera.

18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if
your boss is the opposite gender.)

20) Send e mail to the rest of the company to tell them where you're
going. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.

21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.

23) Talk to your voices when you ride an elevator.


<hr width=100% size=1>Julie ,
IMOSHO of course,/forums/images/icons/smile.gif

 

[Divemaster1]

- Run one lap around the office at top speed.

- Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).

- Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

- Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

- To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

- When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".

- Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

- Walk sideways to the photocopier.

- While riding an lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

- Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.

- Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".

- Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).

- Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).

- Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

- At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

- Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

- For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".

- Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".

- While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.

- In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!".

- At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again".

- In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".

- Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?".

- Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".

- Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".

- Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.

- Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.

- Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

- Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

- Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.

- During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.

- Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

- Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

- Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

- As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

- Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

- When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"

- When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"


<hr width=100% size=1>Alf

 

[britemp]

14) Make it your lifes work teaching americans to spell properly.

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[jfm]

kettle calling pot

....... and Brits to punctuate properly?

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[Jools_of_Top_Cat]

They forgot my number one hobby....

In a busy car park while waiting for your other half to come out of work/shop/etc. turn ignition on and put into reverse. You need to have the back of your car showing obviously.

It drives people nuts who start coming over and asking if you are leaving soon or not.

mwwaaaahhhhhaaaaaaahhhaaaaa..........

<hr width=100% size=1>Julian

<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.topcatsail.co.uk>Top Cat Homepage</A>

 

[powerskipper]

WHEN I'M A LITTLE OLD LADY/forums/images/icons/wink.gif


<pre> When I'm a little old lady
Then I'll live with my children
and bring them great joy.
To repay all I've had
from each girl and boy
I shall draw on the walls
and scuff up the floor;
Run in and out
without closing the door.
I'll hide frogs in the pantry,
socks under my bed.
Whenever they scold me,
I'll hang my head.
I'll run and I'll romp,
always fritter away
The time to be spent
doing chores every day.

I'll pester my children
when they are on the phone.
As long as they're busy
I won't leave them alone.
Hide candy in closets,
rocks in a drawer,
And never pick up my clothes
from the floor.
Dash off to the movies
and not wash a dish.
I'll plead for allowance
whenever I wish.
I'll stuff up the plumbing
and deluge the floor.
As soon as they've mopped it,
I'll flood it some more.
When they correct me,

I'll lie down and cry,
Kicking and screaming,
not a tear in my eye.
I'll take all their pencils
and flashlights, and then
When they buy new ones,
I'll take them again.
I'll spill glasses of milk
to complete every meal,
Eat my banana and
just drop the peel.
Put toys on the table,
spill jam on the floor,
I'll break lots of dishes
as though I were four.
What fun I shall have,
what joy it will be to
Live with my children....
....the way they lived with me!</pre>

/forums/images/icons/wink.gif








<hr width=100% size=1>Julie ,
IMOSHO of course,/forums/images/icons/smile.gif

 

[ArthurWood]

The weather must be REALLY bad over there/forums/images/icons/smile.gif

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