New Thoughts for the Monday....NB

[cngarrod]

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest
possible rate at which one can die.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich!

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;
teach a person to use the Internet
and they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like Slinkies . ... .
not really good for anything, but you still can't help
but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred
Pounds and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty pence?

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people
take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
I have come to realize that it bears
a very close resemblance to the first.


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[Andrew_Fanner]

Modems, from behind the screen

What's this thing he's holding? Uh oh, screwdriver's going behind my back. Ooo, that's cold, might have warmed it first. Ooof, does he have to psuh things in so hard, I'm sure it says "firmly but gently" on the instructions he's ignored.

OK, he's put my cover back on. H'mm, "Install new hardware", lets see now, what's changed? Disks, check, video, check, sound, check, scanner, check. Nope, nothing else. Pehaps he was practicing.

Aha, a cd. Now I know all about those. OK, yes, I know what .exe means moron, give me time willya?

Right now, what's it saying..h'mm..something about a COM port. What's that? I do USB bud, bit of parallel when the missus is away, know where I'm coming from?

OK, that's a COM port. Whee, I have two of them. Wonder why.

What's a modem? Damn program, rattling on, just as I was getting interested in these COM ports too.

OK, now I know what a modem is (dunno why, why do I want to talk to another computer, enough fun in here by myself thanks). Alright, you can have the CD back if you want it, just be patient.

What modem? No, don't slap the cd drive like that, its only plastic. RTFM bud. Ungh, OK, _that_ modem.

Dialling, stop it, it tickles. No, I only remember passwords when you tell me to, I don't do _anything_ of my own volition, apart from Directive 4 anyway, whatever that is.

Oh, this is the internet is it? Well I'm not diplaying that picture, I can't do that much pink. Alright, I'm collecting your mail as fast as I can. No, I don't like spam, Im a vegetarian, hadn't you noticed. Idiot. Call yourself administrator do you? No pal, you are no better than the lowest and most clueless user. I wouldn't trust you to start a command session.

spam spam spam spam spam spam... yuk, filthy muck.

Now, how can I get rid of that modem?

<hr width=100% size=1>Two beers please, my friend is paying.