mikewilkes
New member
MOTOR BIKE:
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day,
he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it. The bike seems
even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and
in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller
how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike
is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It
protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her
parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter
the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something
about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In
fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the
dishes."
"No problem," he says.
And in they go. Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living
room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge
stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he
looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one
says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So
he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over
and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up,
grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her
right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little
flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he
sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs
the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every
which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious
and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.
Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right,
that's enough, I'll do the f***ing dishes!"
*****************************************************************
BEDTIME STORY:
What is the difference between girls aged : 8, 18, 28,38, 48 58 and 68?
At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!
****************************************************************
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day,
he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it. The bike seems
even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and
in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller
how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike
is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It
protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her
parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter
the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something
about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In
fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the
dishes."
"No problem," he says.
And in they go. Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living
room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge
stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he
looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one
says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So
he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over
and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up,
grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her
right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little
flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he
sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs
the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every
which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious
and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.
Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right,
that's enough, I'll do the f***ing dishes!"
*****************************************************************
BEDTIME STORY:
What is the difference between girls aged : 8, 18, 28,38, 48 58 and 68?
At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!
****************************************************************
