Marital Break Up's due to boating

[Happy1]

Marital Break Up\'s due to boating

I was just wandering if there is a high level of Marital break up's or splits between partners due to boating. I bought the boat to use as a family bonding excercise, but after launch day I could see how things could go horribly wrong /forums/images/icons/wink.gif I could not imagine doing that every weekend!

I could imagine for example that one partner would want to increase the size of the boat, the other not. Arguments about equipment e.g. too much safety gear e.t.c. Where to go that particular weekend, who is driving, who should tie up the ropes and are they done properly, who cocked up the route plan e.t.c.

Would others be willing to share their worst scenario with in order that I can try and avoid falling into the same and perhaps be able to spot one coming on!. I am on wife No 2 and would like to keep this one for a while. Just that after Saturday SWMBO has no interest in going near the thing, but now I have the additional centre cleat I guess I could go out on my own.

WHAT have I got myself into, or are there some amazing good times that make you forget the bad ones?

Cheers,

P.S. Trailer for sale, new, only used once /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=purple> "You only see what you recognise, and you only recognise what you know" <font color=purple>

 

[hlb]

Re: Marital Break Up\'s due to boating

Well. I know of at least one couple that have parted company due to boat.
I've been on the rocky edge of it for years.

The trouble I find about women is. They only remember the bad times. The weeks of fun and enjoyment are rarely mentioned. But an hour going round a headland, they will never forgive you for. Even if it was there idea.

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Haydn

 

[Tiger Rag]

Re: Marital Break Up\'s due to boating

I was once working on a 38 metre sailing yacht as mate, we had finished fuelling up Gib. and were about fifteeen miles out heading for the Canaries. I was at the mast getting halyards stowed away as we had begun sailing, next thing we here is captain and his wife (she was cook) having a blazing row in the cockpit, by the time we got back there she had gone below. She reappeared a couple of minutes later in a swimming costume clutching a ziplock bag with her passport and visa card in it, says f~~k you you b~~~~~d I'm going back and jumped over the side! It took us a few minutes to come around and after about ten minutes we were alondside her as she thrashed her way towards Gib. Trouble was every time we got close enough she would shove off and head the opposite direction! Eventually we had to lower all the sails and launch the tender (took about forty minutes) and myself and deckhand were volunterred to get her back on board, skippers instructions were "I don't care how you do it, but get the daft cow back". We literally had to drag her forcibly into the tender and then the deckhand (about 15 stone) sat on her, threw her on board and locked her in the owner's cabin. Worst bit was we were already behind schedule and had to push on to the Canaries, she did about £8,000 worth of damage to the cabin before we arrived, we only opened the door to chuck some food in every few hours, not exactly the happiest atmosphere I've experienced!

It turned out the skipper had been sleeping with the stewardess so if you don't employ one you should be allright.

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[tcm]

Re: Marital Break Up\'s due to boating

notwithstanding the funny stories, I think boating holidays do promote happy family life esp with kids, and living aboard, so peeops can get up, stay in bed, mooch about, go swiming, visit other places - all without getting in and out of cars a d the usual headaches of parking. It promotes teamwork, playing to strengths and so o, imho...

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[paulineb]

Re: Marital Break Up\'s due to boating

Silly woman - she should have shoved him overboard; that way she ditches the hubby and keeps the boat.

<hr width=100% size=1>Pxx

<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.paulinebeddoes.co.uk/php-cgi/gallery>The Perils of Pauline in Pics</A>

 

[MickJ]

Re: Marital Break Up\'s due to boating

You've prompted me to register after reading of your recent mishaps. I am only just enjoying my boat having spent 6 months fighting with it...and hating it. Some people say there are only 2 times when you truly love your boat, the day you buy it and the day you sell it!

I bought my first boat at the end of last season. I was beside myself with excitement on the day of the launch, but I had no idea of what lay in store for me. The embarrassment of fighting for control in a crowded tidal marina, the repeated attempts to berth with an audience of sniggering children, my wife falling over the bow whilst reaching with a mooring line, the new engine failing after 10 hours in a fast ebbing river, numerous bits missing and broken, etc, etc.

If it were not for my pride, I would have sold up and moved on. However, I took my RYA powerboat 1/2 course (on a one to one basis), took my VHF exams and just kept at it. The wind and tide still catch me out, I still make mistakes, but I am now confident enough to deal with them. I also know that even the most experienced boaters are still learning every day.
Good luck, it does get better...



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[joanne2]

Re: Marital Break Up\'s due to boating

My tip would be make sure you do your share of things.

I love going down to our boat. It is a real fun family past time which we all love. Nick doesn't get to see our two girls much during the week perhaps half an hour in the morning and they are in bed by the time he gets home so it a chance for him to spend some quality time with them.

The only bug bare I have is that I seem to plan what we are taking with for the weekend, do the paking, unload and put away when we get there, make sure the girls aren't fighting or falling in and do all of the cooking which is when Nick (usually standing ther with a glass of wine and some kettle chips) pipes up with "this is the life!"

Despite this I still enjoy it and would really miss having a boat. We had some fantastic times on our last boat and I am looking forward to a summer full of fun on this one.

And as for a bigger one, its me that keeps saying, what shall we get next!

Joanne

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[DepSol]

Re: Marital Break Up\'s due to boating

Its the only time that me and SWMBO spend time together!

<hr width=100% size=1>Dom

2003 is going to be a good year for me

 

[tcm]

Re: kids fighting

slightly off the subject but anyway. As one of 5 kids we were a,lways at each other, politics, i'll tell mum, well i'll tell dad, well i'm not playing and so on.

so, with our own kids (just 2) i have taken a rather different line. When one of them came to me with a winge about he's done this or that, i wd give thaem a slap on the hand and tellm not to rat on their brother! Abnd explain that their job as our kids is to get on with each other and have a nice time! I made it simply unacceptable to have them arguing at each other, even a bit. Of course, then i admonishemed t'other if it was a bit of both, but nonetheless both knew that the rule was that they had to get on, and that there was no mileage at all in wingeing to me as an early resort to grass up the other.

I put the abovbe in the past tense because it worked. They are best of friends. Maybe luck, maybe not. Oh, and i don't think they hate my guts too much either.


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[sailbadthesinner]

Re: Marital Break Up\'s due to boating

no brilliant. the family that sails together stays together. i still go sailing with my oldman and my brother. i think it is a great opportunity to spend some quality time with him. just because i am grown up,well older anyway, doesn't mean i still donot need that time together.

it is only other sailing familiesi know that still all do a pastime together as a family

plus we have made some great friends through sailing. makes all the money and the odd mishap more than worthwhile.

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>I can't walk on water, but I do run on Guinness</font color=red>

 

[Happy1]

Re: Marital Break Up\'s due to boating

You have all cheered me up now so I am off for the rest of the day and going down to the boat. Anyone in Chatham who wants a potter about I will be there in 1hr berth C20. I think I will practice my parking while its quiet /forums/images/icons/wink.gif

By the way is there anything that can go wrong with other friendships due to boating, e.g. jealous people, people taking advantage of using your boat, hitching a ride and not pulling their weight e.t.c. That is another thing that I want to try and avoid, as I don't have many friends as it is /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif

<font color=purple> "You only see what you recognise, and you only recognise what you know" <font color=purple>

 

[tcm]

Re: Marital Break Up\'s due to boating

I would practice sitting around having a nice drink or a chat with neightbours on deck! - you won't get many spells like this and it's all over by friday.

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[trev]

Re: Marital Break Up\'s due to boating

We started with a trailer boat, albeit a sailing craft, and 'er indoors came out with me quite cheerfully (or so I thought). It wasn't until we bought our first 'big' motor cruiser with all the mod cons that she actually admitted she had only joined me on the trail boat out of duty, the kids were a bit the same!! Since she has had all the comforts on board and, yes! I do my share of cooking and shopping! We have enjoyed almost quarter of a century of happy familly boating.
I would recommend a larger more comfortable craft on a nice mooring somewhere ASAP.

<hr width=100% size=1>Trev

 

[steved]

Re: Marital Break Up\'s due to boating

I've always found it easier not to force the wife out on the boat unless I know conditions are going to be pretty good. I love boating and would spend every available minute on my boat, however, I would not force or really want the wife to be the same. Sometimes its just great to spend the weekend on the boat with the kids and let SWMBO have some time to herself.

As for friends, I took a gang out shortly after I aquired the boat, began to throttle up on to the plane when both engine cut out completely. Boat was bobbing about whilst I tried to restart. Both engine fired up but as soon as I put them into drive, they cut out. Ah I think I must have rope or something round the shafts, I get one of the crew to drop the anchor whilst I radio for assistance. Rescue boat duly arrives, warps exchanged and of we go. It transpires that I had ran aground by being off track by 20 yards. Very embarrasing..... now whenever boating is mentioned my friends never ever fail to mention sand banks, eaten to many pies etc.... jealousy or just or good crack?? I am the first to admit that my relative inexperience was to blame, but they don't half go on about it.


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[TomIsitt]

Re: Get them involved

I reckon you need to involve SWMBO in all aspects. Ideally she should do her Level 2 so that she can drive, do ropework, navigate and all that stuff...the one thing she won't want to be is a skivvy who spends all her time being ordered around by you. It should feel like a partnership. It might be that she's better at parking than you...let her do it while you do the ropes. Or she may be a natural with charts and a GPS...ask her do that while you helm. Encourage her to decide where you're going, plan routes, research what there is to do when you get where you're going, etc. Work out what aspects of boating she's good at, what she enjoys doing, and then work around that.

She needs to know that she's an important part of the team, without whom it just won't work (and don't go boating short-handed until you've got a lot more experience!). Once you're working as a team of equals, the fun comes naturally.

And don't shout at her (easier said than done, but don't)! Fix the problem, not the blame.

Oh, and lighten up! It's supposed to be fun! Slow down, relax, have some fun. Yes, take safety seriously, but don't be obsessive.

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[hlb]

Re: Get them involved

But, But. But. You've not met Tutts!!

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Haydn

 

[TomIsitt]

Re: Good point, but...

...all observations based on ten years boating with Aello.

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[HowardB]

Stick with it!

My most humiliating boating times were last year. Also a newcomer to bigger boats, tides AND doing anything infront of an audience. It does get better with practice, and patience. Luckily for me SWMBO is as keen or more so than me, but avoids ropes and engine bits.

Welcome anyway!


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[DIW]

Re: Marital Break Up\'s due to boating

Oh how true!
First Boat, second wife,first outing on our own,second biggest and most serious argument we have ever had,big style stand off , no speaky for days.
What was it about, how to tie and untie the bloody warps!!! pathetic.
Now fully understand why Boats are sold so frequently after initial excitment wears off and BIG problems caused by the the very thing you have bought for pleasure and mutual enjoyment. What is it ? Is it the cost, the reluctance to take and receive instructions, the 'its not as good as I thought it would be' syndrome, tension caused by the slightly scary factor of being on the sea, or what ?
Ian

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[hlb]

Re: Marital Break Up\'s due to boating

Its too expencive.
They get sick.
They get frightened.
There stuck with you.
Theres not enough space.
The waves are bigger than the boat.
Shall I carry on!!

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Haydn