Lifejackets

claymore

claymore

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The bold Claymore has of late been undertaking work of national educational significance.
This has necessitated me taking fairly regular flights between Blackpool International Airport and Stansted and a growing curiosity has prompted this post.

When the plane takes off we tend to nip out over the beach and then turn sharp left to pick up the M55 thence right onto the M6, bearing leftish at Birmingham then down to Stansted. Practically all of this journey is over land.

Coming back we skip the bit over the beach but instead nip over the Peak District keep right of manchester then turn left over Bolton Sailing Club and from then its 6 minutes to touchdown - All over land.

naturally we are given the safety briefing before each flight and here comes the question - why do we run through the lifejacket drill? Its the blasted lifejacket drill that holds us up by 3 or 4 minutes - the same 3 or 4 minutes by which I often manage to miss the blasted Stansted Express train.

My personal theory is that if the engine blobs the pilot is instructed to land on either Grafham, Draycote or Rutland Water, perhaps Rivington Reservoir or failing that any of the private swimming pools that are in abundance near Stansted. Anyone got a better theory?
 
Dear Claymore,
I am obviously an expert on this subject, because my oldest son has a pilot's licence.
Now what was it you asked?
Oh! Yes; lifejackets. Well, it is like this, you see. The stewardesses get paid for the presentation regarding safety when the passengers board, and because of the uncertainty of the routes pilots have to use, the poor girls have to cover every eventuality. They have been excused the details of what passengers would do if the plane crashed on an iceberg, or the Arctic polar icecap (while it still exists). Experts are even now discussing the alternatives available to aircraft when the polar icecap has finally melted - a matter of only a few years now.
So, as you will obviously see, life jackets are an essential part of the safety message.
Soon, they will be including desert survival for those travelling south of Milton Keens.
It is getting very difficult, looking after passengers these days!





/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
The 'hosties' get paid for it. Despite scurillous suggestion from off-stage, that's what they're there for.

All the coffee- and cheap-wine-peddling, all the handouts of little kiddies' playbags, all the company congratulatory magazines, they are there to get *you* out quick when the s**t hits the turbofans.

And they're good at it. Better than you or I. Respect!
 
Well
Thats very helpful Becky, thank you
Having such knowledge perhaps there is another issue you could help me with.
Ryanair is the airline with which (whom?) I travel and it is one of these No Frills airlines.
Does this mean that the aircrew are not allowed to wear petticoats?
And furthermore - why do all the male cabin crew appear to be rather girly sorts of chaps?
 
Pilots and safety briefings....

My cousin Uncle Roger ( of Flight Intl fame ) recommended something to me many years ago. I followed his advice, in boating as well as in aviation - allowing for some translation )

"Have a look in a pilot's logbook - if he has a DSO, AFC or similar, or if he has logged more take-offs than landings, then fly with someone else."
 
Bilbo my old fruitbat - I have no doubt of their professionalism and may I add, if the solids do get into the airconditioning, the Bold Claymore does come from a long line of cowards - I shall without doubt be out before anyone else, with the finest Orcadian Chivalry, Women and Children last.
However my post was not about their professionalism it was simply why when we are travelling over land do we get the instructions for lifejackets - surely an inflatable cushion would be of more use?
 
Funnily enough, when you travel on a domestic flight in the good ole US of A, the "flotation device" is the cushion of the seat that you sit on. So, when I fly from Chicago to Midland, Michigan, over Lake Michigan for 20 mins, I keep reminding myself to look after my cushion (and ensure that I don't break wind)

On the subject of "flight attendants" and plane evacuations, some safety consultants did some work for an airline, and watched an evacuation drill. These drills use airline employees and anyone else they can drag off the street to participate. Of course, the drill went like the videos they sometimes show, with everyone queuing up in an orderly way to jump onto the slide. The consultants decided that this didn't mimic real life, so in order to spice things up, they offered $250 for the first 20 people off the plane. Needless to say, in the ensuing pandemonium, there were sprains, bruises and a couple of fractures, as 200+ people tried to get their paws on 250 bucks. /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
 
Re: aeroplanes

I think one's boating experience might point up the important reasoning for the lifejacket drill.

Of course, the pilot isn't ever going to attempt a landing on small swimming pools - but nor is he ever likely to need to do so. Fact is, that in common with doomed or partially doomed voyages at sea, or even minorishly doomed sailing trips, he's going to screw up right at the start just after take off, innee? I reckon it must be quite common to ho hum whoosh off down the runway and oh damn, forgotten the charts! Or the blimmin radio is busted! Or forgot to fill up with fuel, dang! Or ooer the flipping steering is all seized up. And because they can't turn back (cos the wind is behind them so not enuf lift) they wd quite likely have to dump it in morecambe bay. Or they might panic, and then oops dump it in morecambe bay anyway.

Help is at hand: next time at an airport, wait for one of the infuriating electric cripple wagons and fling yourself underneath it, a bit. The cripple wagons are quite used to mowing people down; you may have noticed that these are provided in increasing numbers in airports, vital for transporting all the people who have *already* been mown down by earlier cripple wagons in either the same or a different airport. Crucially, being on the cripple wagon ensures you get first on board, and can be first in line for the drinks trolley, or at least very near it and/or the exit as the ole crate floats around in morecambe bay.

Thereafter of course, the bold claymore would naturally assume command as skipper on familiar home waters. There may even be the possibilty of a valuable salvage claim too if you can rig a line to the thing and tow it in. At the very worst, those nice aeroplane seat cushions might be very handy on the boat, maybe?
 
Its all pointless anyway, is there any example of an aircraft landing on water and the passengers having the chance to use the lifejacket?

Its all done to make the passengers feel comfortable.

Anyway while we are on the subject, the safest place to sit on an aircraft is at the back, why? I hear you ask!

Because have you ever heard of an aircraft backing into a mountain!! /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
My eyes are dim, I cannot see, I have not bought my specs with me

Talking of which, I wondered why the plane lights are dimmed before unsticking and resticking, so asked my mate Google. (S)he says something along the lines that in the event of either manouever going titzup, it's so that the sheep, having tobogganed down the deflatable evacuation slides, will have good night vision and thus be able to stagger clear without bumping into things like redundant jet engines. Personally, I'd have thought that 10,000 litres of burning kerosene would light the way clear perfectly adequately.
 
As the great Billy Connolly once said the reason for the lifejackets when flying over land was in case the pilot decided to fly into a mountain. All the passengers would inflate the jackets and throw them at the mountain to reduce the impact /forums/images/graemlins/smirk.gif /forums/images/graemlins/smirk.gif
 
I used to think that but the recent Sicily air crash, (august 05), plane carrying 39 passengers and crew crashed into the sea and 23 people survived and were picked up, one has to assume that they owe some of their luck to wearing a life jacket
 
... and there was also the old Hong Kong airport where every couple of years a plane would overshoot the runway and float around in the harbour as everybody jumped out with lifejackets. Don't think anyone was ever killed, but there were a few injuries.

At the new airport (thanks to a classic mistake made in the wind-modelling) planes just get flipped onto their backs.
 
Very interesting....
I live in Germany and travel to Girona in Spain often to get to my boat...... this journey is over land and so we have no lifejacket drill...even more important, we have no passport checks,,, it is only the UK that retains this requirement, (wow.. this will produce some response.)
 
Crash position

The reason peeps are asked to adopt the crash position is not cos it will help them survive. Its to keep all the body parts reasonably close to each other! Not many know that.....
 
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