BarryH
Well-Known Member
The tale of two Tossers!!
For all fo you that occasionally have a bad day and you just need to take it out on someone! Dont take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know!
I was sitting at my desk, when i remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered nicley saying "Hello?" I politely said "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I could'nt beleive that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robins number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly.
After I hung up,I spotted the wrong number still lying on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person answered once more,I yelled "YOUR A TOSSER"! and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "tosser" and put it in my drawer. Every couple of weeks, when paying bills, or I had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell "YOUR A TOSSER!".
It would always cheer me up. Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real blow for me, I would have to stop calling the tosser. Then one day I had an idea. I dialled his number, then heard his voice "Hello?"
I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of BT. I was just wondering if you were familiar with our caller ID program."
He went "No." and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said "Thats because your a tosser!"
The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if theres ever anything really bothering you, you can always do something about it. Just dial 0171 823 4863.
But the story doesn't end there....
An old lady at the shopping center really took her time pulling out of a parking space. I did'nt think she was going to leave, Finally her car started top pull out of the space. I backed up giving her room to pull out. "Great" I thought "Finally". All of a suden this black BMW came flying up the isle the wrong way and pulled into the space. I hit the horn and started yelling " You cant do that. I was here first". The guy climbed out of his car and walked to the shop, completely ignoring me! I thought to myself " This guy is a real tosser. There are such a lot of tossers in this world" I noticed a For Sale sign in his back window. I wrote down his number. Then went to hunt for a place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm sitting at my desk, I had just got off the phone after calling 823 4863 and yelling "YOUR A TOSSER" (its really easy now its on speed dial). I noticed the phone nimber of the guy with the black BMW lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy too.
After a couple of rings someone answered the phone and said "Hello?"
Isaid "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes it is"
"Can you tell me where I can see it"
"Yes I live at 182 West st London. Its a yellow house and the car is parked right outside the house"
"Whats your name" I said.
"Its Don Hanson"
"When is a good time to catch you in Don"
"I'm in most evenings"
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"yes"
"Don, your a TOSSER!" and slammed the phone down. After I hung up I added Dons name to the speed dialler. For a while things went fine, when I had a bad day I had to Tossers to phone up.
As time went on things just weren't as good as they used to be. I had two tossers but it just wasn't that much fun anymore! I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution: First I dialled tosser #1. A man answred "Hello". I yelled "YOUR A TOSSER", but did'nt hang up.
The Tosser said "Are you still there"
I said "Yeah"
"Stop calling me"
Isaid "No"
"Whats your name pal" He asked.
I answered "Don Hanson"
"Where do you live " He asked.
I said "182 West st London. Its a yellow house and my black BMW is parked right outside"
"I'm coming over right now Don, you'd better start saying your preyers"
"Yeah, like Im really scared tosser!" I yelled and hung up!!
Then I called Tosser#2. He answered "Hello"
I said "Hello Tosser"
He threatened me "If I ever find out who you are....."
"Yeah" I taunted.
"I'll stuff your head up your arse"
"Well heres your chance tosser. I'm coming over right now!" and hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 182 west st and i was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got here. I got into my car and drove over to west st too watch the whole thing.
GLORIUOS!!
Watching the two tossers kicking the crap out of each other then getting arrested was one of the greatest experiences of my life!
Names and numbers changed to protect the guilty!!
Mmmmm. When you break it. You break it big time!!
For all fo you that occasionally have a bad day and you just need to take it out on someone! Dont take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know!
I was sitting at my desk, when i remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered nicley saying "Hello?" I politely said "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I could'nt beleive that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robins number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly.
After I hung up,I spotted the wrong number still lying on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person answered once more,I yelled "YOUR A TOSSER"! and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "tosser" and put it in my drawer. Every couple of weeks, when paying bills, or I had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell "YOUR A TOSSER!".
It would always cheer me up. Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real blow for me, I would have to stop calling the tosser. Then one day I had an idea. I dialled his number, then heard his voice "Hello?"
I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of BT. I was just wondering if you were familiar with our caller ID program."
He went "No." and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said "Thats because your a tosser!"
The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if theres ever anything really bothering you, you can always do something about it. Just dial 0171 823 4863.
But the story doesn't end there....
An old lady at the shopping center really took her time pulling out of a parking space. I did'nt think she was going to leave, Finally her car started top pull out of the space. I backed up giving her room to pull out. "Great" I thought "Finally". All of a suden this black BMW came flying up the isle the wrong way and pulled into the space. I hit the horn and started yelling " You cant do that. I was here first". The guy climbed out of his car and walked to the shop, completely ignoring me! I thought to myself " This guy is a real tosser. There are such a lot of tossers in this world" I noticed a For Sale sign in his back window. I wrote down his number. Then went to hunt for a place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm sitting at my desk, I had just got off the phone after calling 823 4863 and yelling "YOUR A TOSSER" (its really easy now its on speed dial). I noticed the phone nimber of the guy with the black BMW lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy too.
After a couple of rings someone answered the phone and said "Hello?"
Isaid "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes it is"
"Can you tell me where I can see it"
"Yes I live at 182 West st London. Its a yellow house and the car is parked right outside the house"
"Whats your name" I said.
"Its Don Hanson"
"When is a good time to catch you in Don"
"I'm in most evenings"
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"yes"
"Don, your a TOSSER!" and slammed the phone down. After I hung up I added Dons name to the speed dialler. For a while things went fine, when I had a bad day I had to Tossers to phone up.
As time went on things just weren't as good as they used to be. I had two tossers but it just wasn't that much fun anymore! I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution: First I dialled tosser #1. A man answred "Hello". I yelled "YOUR A TOSSER", but did'nt hang up.
The Tosser said "Are you still there"
I said "Yeah"
"Stop calling me"
Isaid "No"
"Whats your name pal" He asked.
I answered "Don Hanson"
"Where do you live " He asked.
I said "182 West st London. Its a yellow house and my black BMW is parked right outside"
"I'm coming over right now Don, you'd better start saying your preyers"
"Yeah, like Im really scared tosser!" I yelled and hung up!!
Then I called Tosser#2. He answered "Hello"
I said "Hello Tosser"
He threatened me "If I ever find out who you are....."
"Yeah" I taunted.
"I'll stuff your head up your arse"
"Well heres your chance tosser. I'm coming over right now!" and hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 182 west st and i was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got here. I got into my car and drove over to west st too watch the whole thing.
GLORIUOS!!
Watching the two tossers kicking the crap out of each other then getting arrested was one of the greatest experiences of my life!
Names and numbers changed to protect the guilty!!
Mmmmm. When you break it. You break it big time!!
