It's Friday!

[andyb]

It\'s Friday!

A Zen master visiting London catches a black cab, and gets the cabbie to drive round all the major tourist attractions in the rush hour. by the time the taxi pulls up outside the guys hotel, the cabbie is totally stressed out.
The Zen master can't help but impart some of his wisdom as he hands over his fare, "You must let the stresses of the day wash over you like a smooth pebble at the bottom of a river bed."
The cabbie takes the money and puts it straight in his cash box.
The Zen master asks, "Where's my change?"
The cabbie replies, "Change must come from within."


<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.acornmarine.co.uk>http://www.acornmarine.co.uk</A>

 

[KevB]

Re: It\'s Friday!

A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"


<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://static.photobox.co.uk/public/images/45/99/10714599.s.jpg?ch=97&rr=16:00:39>Nirvana</A>

 

[Koeketiene]

Al Gebra

Al-Gebra

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle,'" Ashcroft declared.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard.

"Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line." President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."

Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, 'Read my ellipse!' Here is one principle he is uncertain of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks.


<hr width=100% size=1>Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

 

[Goodge]

Re: Al Gebra

Fantastic ! /forums/images/icons/smile.gif

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[KevB]

Re: Al Gebra

Very good.

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://static.photobox.co.uk/public/images/45/99/10714599.s.jpg?ch=97&rr=16:00:39>Nirvana</A>

 

[Clive_Rigden]

Re: Al Gebra

Not at all bad - for the Navy, that is . . .

/forums/images/icons/smile.gif


<hr width=100% size=1>Khyber

 

[BlueSkyNick]

Re: It\'s Friday!

A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in
Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always
drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking." "Hasn't affected my sisters though."



<hr width=100% size=1>I can't be bothered with a footnote - it's usually rubbish anyway.

 

[orion21]

Re: It\'s Friday!

A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's... um... well... I have five penises." replies the man.
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."


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[Wiggo]

Re: It\'s Friday!

Man walks into the doctor's...

"Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a moth"
"You don't want to see me, you should see the psychiatrist down the corridor"
"I know, but I was passing your office, and I saw the light on..."

<hr width=100% size=1>Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.

 

[mirabriani]

Re: It\'s Friday!

Man walks into the doctors

"Doctor people keep ignoring me"

"Next"

Briani

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[sailorman]

Re: It\'s Friday!

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"

The Fairy Godmother replied "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish: "I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension." Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.

Cinderella said "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother". The Fairy Godmother replied: "It is the least I can do. What does your heart wish for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said: "I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again". At once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very soul.

Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke: "You have one more wish, What shall you have?"

Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said: "I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful and handsome young man". Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a boy, so beautiful the like of which the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to
fall from the sky at his feet.

The Fairy Godmother again spoke: "Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life." And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.

For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen.

Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms. He leant in close to her ear, and into her ear breathed, as much as whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, and said...
"I bet you regret having my balls chopped off now, don't you?"


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