Increasing SWMBO self confidence

Re: biggest obstacle

mmm and my hunch is that many who just "give up" maybe don't have the sailing bug the way I do and you too probably.. It really boils down to commitment and if you don't feel that strongly about an activity or anything else then you probably wont feel like pulling the stops out.. at a guess many women go on the sailing course to learn a little more about sailing / boats etc so that they can spend time with HWMBP (he who must be placated) and the sailing is one of the compromises that people make in a relationship..hence the lack of "drive"??? least that's my theory..

And whilst only a small percentage of your students go onto to be full blown boating fanatics the vast majority will have learnt something and will gain in some confidence. However the confidence thing is a long process and probably not something that occurs in a weekend or week of sailing/boat handling.. but it is a step .. confidence is a result of knowledge and experience .. a long and never ending path.. thank heavens/forums/images/icons/smile.gif

corr and aint i the late night philospher/forums/images/icons/laugh.gif

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Re: Mutineers

No, You dont know how us blokes think about it, not all of us anyway, never did like generalisations, especially ones with a sexist bent.

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Sexism?

Oh dear me, ccscott49....WHERE IS YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR???????

If you don't like my wry little comment, pause to consider Cornishman's.

1. She must be sent (like a child) on a course.

2. Where the flattering attentions of a gorgeous hunk (not, you note, her own sense of progress and achievement) will give her all the confidence her own dear partner could not. Confidence in what, I wonder?

3. This, of course, will be achieved without any threat to the status quo of subordination to the male. She'll be too busy worshipping the hunk.....

4. At the end, how proud she will be with her certificate of successful completion! (which we, of course, know means nothing!)

5. Beware, however, that she does not fall amongst instructors of her own gender, for these harridans might subvert the status quo and cause her - horror of horrors - the challenge this status quo with her pitiful "new found knowledge".

And, to cap it all, the ultimate sting in the tale - if that doesn't greatly amuse you, then comes insult unveiled- "where is your sense of humour"??????!!!!!!

And you - reading a generalisation about all men into a comment about four of them, all of whom I happen to know personally and whose partners have taken a rather different route - accuse me of sexism?

My oh my! It's a classic!




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Re: Sexism?

I really cannot take these comments without reacting. Maybe it's your style of writing, but I strongly object to you misconstruing the points I made. Where did you learn to do that? The Alistair Campbell School of Spin? You certainly qualify for his Certificate of Successful Course Completion.

Just taking one of your points, No 5. I would be pleased for you to point out exactly where I told anybody to BEWARE of falling amongst instructors of their own gender. I actually recommended it!

As for Course Completon Certificates meaning nothing, we might as well all go home. I refer you to the front page of the latest edition of Lifeboat and then to read the article inside on training and qualifications. I prefer the RNLI point of view.

I could go on, but I will save my breath and your space.

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There\'s only ONE way.

Persuade her to take the boat out without you. There comes a point where you MUST do this if ever she is to become fully competent. A course may provide the technical skills but of itself will never break through that barrier.

Help her round up a crew, but make sure it contains no surrogate skippers, men who own their own boats. All female would be good (sorry, Violetta).

Or in your heart of hearts do you believe she's never going to be up to it? Or does she?
 
Re: Out on her own

Agree, there is only one way people become skippers, and that is if they are left to their own devices.
Walk away, and send her sailing for an hour at first, then a day, then a weekend. Until you do that, she'll resort to depending on your help and advice, and probablitiy is that everything you try to do will undermine her confidence.

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Re: Mutineers

Now some of you may think that my comments are sexist, but that is just a smoke and mirrors response to the truth.

My view is that if a woman doesn't want to do something because it is dirty, difficult, boring or just plain hard work, she will put on the girlie "Oh, its too hard for me" act.

Why is helming too hard? Healthy women have got the same number of arm, legs, eyes etc as healthy men. Admitted, her brain is a bit smaller but that shouldn't stop her helming in a bit of a blow. Poor bugger who started this thread can't even take a leak! She, lying in comfort in her bunk reading the latest Mills and Boon or whatever because she is too weak/frightened/ etc to help.

She doesn't need any courses with young hunk instructors. She needs some course language to get her ar*e in gear and get on with it. Once she realises the "Poor mite lost in the woods" strategy won't work, she will get on with it. (She might do the broken hearted you don't love me act or the tantrum about you and your bloody boat first) She will enjoy her success and maybe start instructing HWMBT (He who must be told) about a better way to approach the pontoon with wind and tide up his tail.

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Always something to do in the galley

Tell her not to worry her pretty little head about such things and to concentrate on getting the bacon sandwiches done for the crew.......

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This is really useful feedback, thanks Kilkerr. This post has got me thinking about takeing a different approach to the subject.

Its a shame the thread has gone off on a superflous tangent, and diluted the point.

<hr width=100% size=1>Never employ an illiterate dwarf - its not big and its not clever.
 
No problem - hope she finds her feet soon. HWMO and I had a (rather drunken) talk about just this last night. We're going to Gillingham Marina at the weekend and he's decided to take my advice - let me helm and 'park'. Why can't I keep my big mouth shut! /forums/images/icons/wink.gif I'm looking forward to it actually - for me it'll be quite an achievement, though I know most bods on this forum could do it in their sleep. And probably have.

Hmm, I was going to reply to the slagging match that seems to have developed, but decided it wasn't worth it. Thought sexism like that had died and gawn. Ho hum.

Happy days and fair winds to you all. Including those (Summerwind) who still believe that all most women do is simper and chatter and paint their nails and use their feminine wiles to get out of doing anything vaguely challenging. Think the last time I tried that was about 1977; I would have been seven years old...

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Re: There\'s only ONE way.

I'd agree - but maybe do it first in something a bit smaller, to allow confidence to build.

It was only when the instructors got out of the boats at the sailing school I worked at that pupils really flourished. The beaming 'I did it!' smiles as they came bacl alongside the safety launch having sailed their triangle was very rewarding. We also used to bet the to do the same triangular course without a rudder if the weather was suitable, and aslo to sail a beat blindfolded - all served to prove what they could do.

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Re: Mutineers

...or could be that my nail polish hadn't dried yet, so couldn't possibly try and lift that floaty thing or move the boat handle cos might smudge...



<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://kilkerr.members.easyspace.com/>Santa Teresa and other t'ings</A>
 
Bravo, sir!

Couldn't agree more!

At last we are clear of the sexism thing and the patronising thing and into the real thing.

Of course, I've been trying to say the same thing as you, but people get such a twist in their knickers when a woman says it.........:-)

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Why sorry, Andrew?

That's exactly what I'm always trying to do - get my sisters to do that - by hook or by crook. Had a great day out on the Deben in the summer with a former shipmate - now happily skippering the boat she co-owns with her partner. Gives me no end of a kick.



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Poor, sensitive souls....

What a hard time you have. Ever thought of getting off my back?



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