Improvements to the Nautical Aesthetic Landscape

[tmh900]

Yes, ugly boats are far too numerous. Action is required.

This first step I’m afraid needs to occur close to home – yes here on the forum. Unwittingly, prospective purchasers are being directed to less attractive boats. It goes like this...

Newbie: hello I’m new here, what kind of boat is best for me? Forum: well, depends what you want to use it for. Coastal/blue water/creak crawling/short handed... Newbie, erm yes all of those. Forum: you need an oldwesterlysnapdraggonvancouverrassey.

Advice from the forum needs to be structured differently, like this...

Newbie: hello I’m new here, what kind of boat is best for me? Forum: there are three stages:

1. Take a look around (harbours, marinas etc.) and form a short list of boats you like the look of.
2. Observe who uses the boat as best you can. For example, if you’re a young thrill seeking type the boat that has Janet and Brian in the cockpit wearing their tilley hats, sandles with socks with their un-tanned knees knocking together (in late August), then you know instantly that is not the right boat for you.
3. Do your research based on your shortlist

Anyway, assuming you, as responsible citizens, will adopt the above without further debate, lets get down to the business of other measures we need to take. Such as:

• Harbour authorities impose a swingeing ‘Tub Tax’
• The European Commission legislates to ensure sailing vessels under X ft LOA cannot be manufactured. Where X is, say 30. This is because the interior volume expected by today’s boat buyers cannot be achieved while maintaining attractive lines.
• The World trade Organisation imposes import/export restrictions on unattractive boats. Criteria will be set by a panel of European designers, such as Philipe Stark and Jean-Paul Gottibeard. This will ensure that Island Packets are never owned outside the USA.
• The International Maritime Organisation imposes restrictions to limit the movement of vessels using similar criteria to above. This will ensure that Island Packets never leave territorial waters of the USA.

What else can we do?

 

[Goldie]

Incorporate into your EC legislation facors 'y' and 'z', where 'y' represents freeboard as a proportion of LOA and 'z' represents beam at the stern as a proportion of beam (max).

 

[kingfisher]

[small voice] I kind of like Island Packets [/end small voice]

but why oh why do they do this?

I'll leave now.

 

[tmh900]

So, it gets worse...IP make pink pigs as well as yellow ones.

 

[Evadne]

The real drawback of owning a pretty boat (he says, immodestly) is that you never see her unless you turn around as you row away, all you see is other peoples' ugly boats.

A tax where, upon meeting or mooring alongside, all AWB owners pay MAB owners a tithe of one pint of beverage per metre's difference in LWL is the only answer. (Mine's a Laphroaigh).

 

[dk]

A pint of Laphroaigh????

 

[emsworthy]

So, it gets worse...IP make pink pigs as well as yellow ones.

That's coz they're made out of recycled hearing aids and prosthetic limbs! What else did you think they did with unwanted false legs once the owner died/grew out of them?