How do you get SWMBO to set foot on board?

What intrigues me is why you in particular are asking this question. As far as I can see from your previous postings, you have the life of Riley in this respect.

Our problem is both getting away together. With a yard full of equines and dogs, there is not much spare time.
 
shmoo said:
"Not if you shut up and do as you are told"
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Brave admission. I bet that still haunts you to this day, but right there is the reason that the novelty wears off for many wives. You often hear similar things being said when other boats are in ear shot, particulary if he's stressed. However stressed you are, she's probably more so, and being patronised, bullied and ridiculed won't make it more pleasant for her.

Other sailors are often demeaning to women too - a chap marginally out of control in a cat once suggested loudly that my wife learn the rules. She was actually in the right, but it was a blow to her confidence all the same.


Tip to make it swmbo friendly - let her steer while you cook, rather than vice versa, otherwise it's just like being at home, only the kitchen's smaller, and rolling about. Where's the appeal?
 
In a previous life I had a partner who quite liked being on a boat, but not sailing. Quite handy as it meant I had a car borne support team to meet me when the sailing was done.(It was a bit of a surprise to her that when I sold the boat works on the house which had been unaffordable became possible)

For the present, I have a partner who had never done any sailing before last June.

She had total veto on choice of boat. We did sit down and work out a set of basic requirements before looking which boiled down to; life aboard should have the same facilities as home but smaller, which we have largely achieved.

It's going well so far, touch wood, and I've got loads of that!
 
It must be ME!

From what I can gather from Robin’s post you just need the right SWMBO!
My SWMBO had never sailed until 2007, so her first experience was with me in a bilge keel 23’ in the outer Clyde area, so not the best on any front.
We have been out in a rough sea state F6 gusting 7, and although she didn’t particularly enjoy this she has been out many times since, dislikes motoring or motor-sailing, and the last time sailed all the way back (sixteen miles) while I gave it BIG Z’s below.:D:D:D
 
I love boats and love sailing. I don't scare easily, I don't get seasick, I like cooking in the galley. I like heads that are easy to clean, I like hot and cold running water, a shower and I like a comfortable bunk. I don't miss a TV but I like my radio and Ipod.

I don't like some of the men on this forum who have a real attitude problem.
 
Step 1. She is your wife. Forget this 'swmbo' ****. We are all equals at sea..

Step 2. Share everything, good and bad.

Result.... when I first met my wife, she had never sailed. 17 years later, she is a Yachtmaster Ocean. How proud am I?
 
WoodyP said:
What intrigues me is why you in particular are asking this question. As far as I can see from your previous postings, you have the life of Riley in this respect.

Our problem is both getting away together. With a yard full of equines and dogs, there is not much spare time.
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Actually, its not my problem. But we meet many guys who try and singlehand week in week out, and seem to have alienated SWMBO (no, its not a derogatory term) in some way, and they don't come out with them.

What surprises me here is the lack of such people owning up to that difficulty.
As is well documented here, I knew exactly which way my bread was buttered on purchase of Full Circle, and have kitted her out to Lynn's requirements as well as my own. I occasionally miss the performance element of sailing, but not often enough to make an issue of it.
 
FullCircle said:
Did your SWMBO never set foot on board, or did she used to come but has kinda stopped over the years?
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First steps rather reluctantly (previuos boat) - much keener now.
Shared dream of sailing off into the sunset.

FullCircle said:
Did she have a horrendous experience and walk off, or did your boat just not have enough charming featuures, such as toilets?
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Boat's better than OK (now).
A couple of horrendous experiences - she's always picked herself up and come back for more.

FullCircle said:
Did she have a say in what boat?
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She picked her

FullCircle said:
Did you buy a proper cruising boat and then find she still wouldn't come aboard?
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No

FullCircle said:
How do you manage to squeeze the budget from an unwilling partner?
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Separate bank accounts - I pay for the boat and everything involved. Brigitte pays for pretty much everything else. :o
Boat ownership would not be possible without my other half.
 
She does dogs...I do boats.
We walk the dogs together and share the joys of soggy hounds in cars!

When sailing I have promised to stay in harbour:
i if it rains
ii if there are waves
iii if it's above force five
iv to always pay for meals ashore
v to always keep her G+T full


actually the list is endless but at least she never moans about the cost.
 
We sail as equals after 30 odd years of sailing together. She actually taught me how to sail. We tend to favour different tasks on board. I take take the helm to windward and she takes downwind legs. She cooks F1-F3, I cook F4-F6. Anything above that we exist on chocolate, bananas and mineral water. I do the nav cross channel, she does the coastal stuff. One of the only things she is adamant about is that there must be a heater on board. And NO spinnaker.
 
Involvement in choosing the boat is a bit of a red herring - she may love the modern practical look of a Bav, or the genteel old worldliness of a classic. Either way life at 30 degrees of heel in a hard beat to windward is enough to put most off.

The answer is if she has lots of experience then no probs; otherwise buy a cat. Nine out ten cat owners say their families prefer it :)
 
Took her out in the Wayfarer on some calm sunny days which she liked... and some breezy days which I liked and she found terrifying. A few months down the line she persuaded me to step up to a 27ft cruiser, which I could not have afforded without her, and so far we haven't looked back...
 
Its the art of compromise. We don't spend every weekend on the boat, and when we first started sleeping on the boat (Achilles 24, so not luxurious) SWMBO's stipulation was that we should eat out every night. And she doesn't mind missing one night without a shower, but the next night must be within reach of a sailing club or marina.

And the first flotilla holiday we went on was the best holiday she had ever had.
 
She chose our first boat and had a big say in our current boat. She made it clear that she wasn't going to spend holidays and weekends slumming it, so H&C water, fridge, heating, wheel steering etc. all needed - and a bed that stayed a bed - and a loo that was in a proper room; not behind a curtain. After that it was up to me.

Then it's a case of not scaring the horses (not calling you a horse darling, honest). Sailing in good conditions and being prepared to leave the boat and get a train home rather than sail in rubbish weather.

Fancy a rufty-tufty sail in a F5 / F6? - that's what your mates are for
 
I love sailing. We discuss and have to both agree on boat choice, destinations, timing, whether to go out, when to reef etc (in fact the understanding is that the wimpier one wins there).

I did not understand why so many men were sailing alone - then I saw what they were saying on the forum about their Captain Bligh attitude to crew (inc. SWMBO), and saw in marinas how the poor wife gets all the blame for the hubby's mistakes. Then there's the macho over-confidence and stories about all the disasters they've survived - I suggest you tone those down a bit, boys, stick to the truth when she's listening!

Most of the people who've posted above sail as couples, with or without compromises. But even then some of the remarks are pretty patronising - I hope some of your SWMBO's don't read the forum!
 
FullCircle said:
Serious questions and has many facets.

Did your SWMBO never set foot on board, or did she used to come but has kinda stopped over the years?
Did she have a horrendous experience and walk off, or did your boat just not have enough charming featuures, such as toilets?
Did she have a say in what boat?
Did you buy a proper cruising boat and then find she still wouldn't come aboard?

How do you manage to squeeze the budget from an unwilling partner?
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My wife chose the boat from my shortlist.
Separate en suite shower, and island double bed and comfortable deck seating were very high on her lists. The basic domestic niceties were simply a given.
It is the reason my boat doesn't have sails.....
Better on the water than not in my view though I know many of you wouldn't agree!
And I only take her on days she'd like and to places she likes. I've friends who'll come out in silly weather with me.
Eventually she started calling it "our boat" to her friends rather than "his boat", that's when I was beginning to get there.
 
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