How can I get over my fear of sailing?

[dawnsall]

It's Dawn here. Thanks for the recommendation of Jannine. I've had a quick look at the website and I'll give her a call very soon. The more I think about it the more I think it could help. I'm certainly willing to give it a try. I've always left the actual sailing to the skipper, although I'm totally involved with everything else and have a wealth of knowledge. Mind you, sometimes I think ignorance was bliss when we started out! There's just a chance that if I spend some time on another boat and have some sailing tuition it might help. I also love the idea about one day pretending I'm doing it solo and take total control. Thanks again

 

[damo]

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one day pretending I'm doing it solo and take total control

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You may find that actually doing it on your own is OK. I find it loads easier most of the time - no need to worry about anyone but myself, no blame, no disagreements etc (No one else to cook either /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif )

...but then again I could just be an old scrote /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[KellysEye]

You are right it is a common problem, indeed a very common problem. I think anybody who doesn't get scared sailing or slightly apprehensive before a passage either hasn't sailed in adverse conditions or is lying (bravado).

What to do about it? Fear can be controlled if you have the will and mental strength to control it. I understand the drug in the brain that makes people scared is the same drug that makes people excited. The difference is the environment. You need to make the environment 'normal'.

Somebody mentioned visualisation and it really does work. Can I suggest you sit down and make a list of everything you worry about - then imagine all those things happening, in detail. That will probably hurt.

Then start planning what you would do if any of the things do happen. Not just plan A, plan B too. Then imagine, in detail, putting those plans into action. Keep doing that until you would react automatically and the moment you start worrying about something you will know instinctively how to handle the situation.

Also involve your husband and 'walk it through'. For example, say you were worried about through hull failure and the boat sinking. The plan is; know where every through hull is; tie plugs to them; do you split jobs, one pumps the other looks for the leak, or do you both look, one starting at the front and one at the back; and you do have fast/easy access to the hammer don't you? Then literally walk the plan through, pretend you are doing it for real. More than once.

Since you can now handle any situation the fear should be under control.

What I've said doesn't come from a book, it comes from experience. I spent ten years skydiving and BASE jumping and that really can be scary. We used to use visualisation and multiple walk throughs before every jump, it certainly works in the skydiving community. Good luck!!

 

[Talbot]

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I don't think it's all because of my good looks and charming personality!

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cough cough splutter /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

 

[PhilipH]

I have been sailing for about 25 years and my wife for about 17. I am fearful when the wind howls and the sea gets up. My wife is fearful when we are on land or before we put to sea, but gets on with it as in a F6 at night in north Biscay or a F8 in the North Channel. Some of the comments about fear of the unknown are pertinent as are the course suggestions.
Forgive the amateur analysis, but a lot of fear comes from a sense of not being in control of what is happening in a situation (and I don't mean in a control freak kind of way), not knowing what to do if something unexpected arises, not being confident about handling the boat if, for example, skipper falls overboard, not knowing what to do in an emergency, and sometimes fear of getting it wrong. The ways to address these (and I think it's about reducing anxiety to levels that allow one to do what one wants to do, not eliminating them altogether) are to increase knowledge, increase skill and capability and increase experience. You have clearly a lot of experience, but is it the right experience? Do you handle the boat, make the plans, make decisions about passages and when on passage? Is it the skipper's boat?
SWMBO and I did the RYA Sea Survival and ISAF Offshore Safety Courses last year and they were excellent - especially the latter about what to do if there are serious gear failures. So, I would add these to the suggestions about the courses that will help you develop your boat handling skills.

We are planning to head for Spain in June and SWMBO and I were discussing watches and she was expressing fears about being able to handle the boat and it emerged that she was thinking she would almost have to sail the boat single-handed when on her watch (in the past we have had sufficient people on board for two person watches at night), including sail changes. When I explained that my expectation was watch-keeping and if there were manoeuvres to carry out such as dodging fishing fleets or reducing sail then she is to call me - I can always catch up on sleep later. This settled an important anxiety. So, being clear about what is expected also helps reduce fear.

You seem to enjoy much of the cruising life and you are keen to find a way to an acceptable level of concern, which is fantastic. I think it's great that you have asked the question BTW as that's the first step to addressing your anxiety.

Very best of luck.
Endeavour to Persevere

 

[dawnsall]

Dawn here again. Thanks for the latest contributions. They're all giving me food for thought. The mention of a F6 in the north Biscay reminded me of when we found ourselves in the Biscay in a F7 (forecast completely wrong) and I coped fine. I certainly worry about what might happen, but seem to be okay when it does. The main problem though is purely the sailing. As soon as the wind gets up, especially when we're sailing into it and start heeling over I just don't want to be there and it just feels 'wrong'. I don't have a problem being at sea (apart from worrying about what the wind's going to) and love it when we're out there all alone. I think a course will a useful way of independently refreshing some of my knowledge and going back to basics. In the beginning I wasn't very comfortable anchoring, but now will happily sleep through a F6, mainly because we're very good at it.

 

[RobinBirch]

Dawn

Something I thought about after my earlier post - I got one of Jannine's team to do some 'own boat' training on my Hillyard. I found the one to one aspect far more beneficial than taking 'taking turns' with 5 other students and both cost and time effective.

 

[boatmike]

That's quite enough from you sunshine. Get on with your work or I will e-mail your boss and tell him you are not paying attention!
/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif

 

[Talbot]

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That's quite enough from you sunshine. Get on with your work or I will e-mail your boss and tell him you are not paying attention!
/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif

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Paying attention I certainly am, amazed at all this logical thinking from everyone - Its a good thread, which deserves to stay available for future reference.

 

[Grehan]

Yes very good thread.
As a skipper - and therefore Responsible - my big fear in 'interesting' conditions came from maybe making some stupid or otherwise avoidable one-time, one-off, error. That turns out to be catastrophic. Possibly to the boat. Possibly to my dear crew. End result: very on edge.

 

[boatmike]

You can't go through life being afraid of making mistakes or you would not do anything, but I know what you mean. After years of sailing, my late wife became very proficient and simply loved it. She was the only person I ever new that became so "one with the boat" that she could actually steer a straight line on a tiller steered boat when asleep! No kid, her eyes would be closed, mouth open and completely gone! I always used to get her to handle the boat when mooring, anchoring, or entering a lock, and I think as others have said, her participation and the confidence it gave her is what conquered her fear. She also had the power of vito. (I'm not bloody going out there in that! etc. etc.)

I was always envied by other skippers then though because a lot of gung-ho skippers never train their wives up to this level. Admitted some are quite content to be galley slaves, but IMHO most are not.

She was often asked by other wives how she managed to "train" her skipper so well. Her answer was usually something like " If he misbehaves I beat him and send him to bed without supper" or something, but often she would say, I still haven't managed to stop him going " Yeee Haaa" as we slide down a big wave....

The point is that excitement is still always a part of sailing. Without it, the job would be like driving a bus. The thrill of knowing you are in command of things is still one of the greatest drivers, and we all know that we can't remove all risk. We can "manage" risk though and have back up plans to mitigate. I think we can often miss the fact that a "passenger" does not know the risks and has no knowledge of your plans for mitigation either. This leaves too much to the imagination, and thats where the monsters live. Educate the "passenger" and they become "crew". They might even become "skipper". That when you should start getting frightened yourself /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[Abaker]

[ QUOTE ]
The main problem though is purely the sailing. As soon as the wind gets up, especially when we're sailing into it and start heeling over I just don't want to be there and it just feels 'wrong'. I don't have a problem being at sea (apart from worrying about what the wind's going to) and love it when we're out there all alone.

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Some sailors, especially racers, say their greatest satisfaction comes from "a good thrash to windward". Others, including many cruisers, don't enjoy it much. They choose a vessel that, in addition to being seaworthy, is also seakindly. They use pilot charts and weather info to avoid long passages to windward when possible. And if it doesn't feel right, they heave to.

 

[bateau57]

People also have fear of flying and also fear when someone else is driving the car. It seems faster (even if in reality it is slower) than you would drive in current circumstance. They brake much latter than if you were driving. My RESEARCH tells me this is based on control (my wife recognises she is a control freak). I hate fairground rides but I am quite happy fighting away at a rough (and far more dangerous) sea because I understand and I hold the controls.

Can't say we have solved this (work in progress) but it is the age old cruisers problem (man loves sea woman loves harbor). I am attempting to solve it with knowledge and control (practical sail training). With knowledge she can learn control and if that works it is a small price to pay for harmony. The problem is that all the RYA practical courses are about close quarters handling and not real sailing. (or maybe it is close quarters handling that is the problem) Perhaps it is a Fastnet (and its preliminary races) with one of the training schools with a group of other girls. One thing is that I (the man), need to be out of the picture (not on the boat) for this learning to work. She needs to own this knowledge (control) herself.

Haven't solved it but choose better when you sail (motor)

Regards
G

 

[jamie_Cacique]

Hi Dawn
I have a smallish boat 27' that has circumnavigated and seen some very rough weather, sometimes I am a bit nervous when ther are rough conditions and my wife doesent like it when it is rough but if she takes the tiller it makes her feel more in control, I think this may be because when steering you are aware of the really big waves and there is no surprise when the boat lurches. I think it may be a 'being in control' thing. I have ridden motorbikes for years but I hate riding on the back because I feel I'm not in control and vulnerable.
It sounds like you have quite a bit of experience, I don't know how big your boat is but I would reccomend trying a big cat something like 'Boatmike' sails.
Hey 'Boatmike' why not invite Dawn to go sailing with you /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif