Homesick

[Slow_boat]

We put our toe in the liveaboard lifestyle this year with six months cruising down the French Atlantic coast. We had a great time and met many wonderful people, some of whom will remain friends for life, I'm sure.

I can speak enough French to make myself understood and can converse well enough in Franglais but swmbo has trouble learning languages. She is very outgoing and gregarious, though, so I was very surprised when, after about four months, she started to get homesick and lonely. As we got further south we came across less and less other Brits, though I didn't really notice it at the time. I'm a bit more self contained than her and am as happy in my own company as I am in a group.

Is homesickness normal and what can we do about it next year?

Flying home for a couple of weeks mid season is do-able but a bit pricey.

 

[jordanbasset]

Not sure what your final destination is but we met people on our way down to the med that we kept bumping into throughout our time on the boat. We only got as far as Greece but every time we run into people we knew it was like meeting old friends, time for a few nibbles, a chat and the odd drink or two. . If you over winter in a popular marina you will also meet many people and there will be a social life if you want to join in. I do understand that may not be the case in the French atlantic marinas but we found the further you got from the UK the more friends we met.
Best wishes

 

[sailaboutvic]

Homesickness can be a problem for some people but has Jordanbasset just said you will met a lot of people once you get in the Med , if you plain to winter out on the boat pick places where there are a good liveabourd bunch , Gib , ( south coast Spain , Almerimar )(Sardinia Cagliari ) ( Sicily , Licata or Ragusa ) ( Greece Corfu , Lefkes , Messilonghi ) DONT winter out in places in the middle of nowhere just because they are cheap it can get very lonely , you make friends over the winter some that may be going your way ,being a liveaboard can be lovely for some at time s and it up to you to make it as enjoyable as you can for your partner if you don't want to cut you dream short .
There have been time that we had to hind to get some time on our own , mix with other Nationality French , Germany , Italians most will speak English , forget what you hear back home about the French and Germany being unfriendly , we have some great friends , the Italians are some of the most friendly and kind people we have came across .

Good luck with your new life

 

[SamanthaTabs]

It's a totally different way of life, perhaps it's because your wife is outgoing that she feels lonely especially if her life back in the UK was very full with activities etc?

Echoing above comments from personal experience we had a good time in Gib and are on our second winter in Ragusa, Sicily. Full marina, tons of things to do from guitar group to sports and social events which are all organised by cruisers. If there's a hobby you had when living on land you could start your own group? Something that works very well is to find other things to do in the winter that are not dependent on the marina crowd,
for me that means joining a local gym.

Completely agree with Vic, get out there and mix with all nationalities. Research your winter marina beforehand to get an idea of what to expect and, again Vic's comment, don't pick somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

Maybe surprising but if I get lonely/bored it's usually during the summer cruising months sitting in an albeit beautiful bay and wondering what I'm going to do all day. Takes all sorts I know

 

[RobbieW]

I'd echo the comments of earlier posters in that the Atlantic coast is not a good measure of liveaboard cruising and make the most of the people you do meet. The advice I'd add, assuming your SWMBO uses social media, is to make sure you have easy internet access on the boat. Dont focus on WiFi but do make sure that you have a way to utilise mobile access, probably a MiFi device, as its far more widely available when cruising. PAYG in each country we've spent time in so far (France, Spain, Portugal, Italy & Greece) has been of the order of €30/month (or less) for 5-10Gb of data which is sufficient for most peoples needs. I think without that easy access to Facebook etc my SWMBO would have found the last few years far more isolating - and it helps keep in touch with the folk you have met (even other forumites )

 

[Slow_boat]

We did spend the first month or so sailing around looking for wifi. Then we got a PAYG dongle and spent the time sailing around looking for signal. You're right about facebook, though, she spent a lot of time 'talking' to her friends in UK. I don't understand it myself. When I'm away, I'm away, which means out of contact. Swmbo needs to phone her mum and daughter at least once a week.

 

[Tony Cross]

We did spend the first month or so sailing around looking for wifi. Then we got a PAYG dongle and spent the time sailing around looking for signal. You're right about facebook, though, she spent a lot of time 'talking' to her friends in UK. I don't understand it myself. When I'm away, I'm away, which means out of contact. Swmbo needs to phone her mum and daughter at least once a week.

I think that's pretty typical, it is of us and most of the others we meet. SWMBO is a people person so she loves the winters when we have a marina full of new people for her to get to know, she's an avid Facebook user keeping in touch with tons of friends and family. In the summer we tend to stay for long periods in one place because she likes to get to know some of the locals and the other boat users who frequent the same places. I'm very happy on my own, or rather with just the two of us. I hear that a lot from other liveaboards too. The trick is to give your SWMBO enough people contact to keep her happy, which means you have to give up some of that solitude time....

 

[dslittle]

Only yesterday I was speaking to someone, who had met someone in the Caribbean, who I had met on the way there. It IS a small world and I am sure that you will bump into people who will bring home back over a few drinks..

Apparently Candy Crush helps my missus!!!

To make you both feel better, it is wet and miserable here at the moment. It won't be long before everyone goes into 'winter mode' and hibernate over the next five months. There are benefits to being away!!!

 

[sailaboutvic]

You want to count your self lucky , there many a female that wouldn't even think about living on a boat , keep her happy what ever it take , Im one of the lucky once , my partner is a harden sailor and love sailing what ever the weather but even she need some other people time now and then , ( living with me who can Blane her ) after 10 months on the go she ready for a few months in a marina and to be honesty so am I ,if nothing else to get some jobs done , BUT first we have to go the wrong way around the Peloponnese and with all these strong NW that keep coming , marina life might have to wait a bit longer ,

 

[PlanB]

We think we have more friends now, in a Spanish marina, than we ever did living and working in London. Once you get further south down Portugal and into the Med, I am sure you will find it much more sociable. Both of us are sure we want to stay in marinas, though, and not be anchoring somewhere quiet with nothing to see and no-one to talk to.

 

[Wansworth]

We think we have more friends now, in a Spanish marina, than we ever did living and working in London. Once you get further south down Portugal and into the Med, I am sure you will find it much more sociable. Both of us are sure we want to stay in marinas, though, and not be anchoring somewhere quiet with nothing to see and no-one to talk to.

....and get a good nights sleep

 

[RAI]

I suggest you take the weather windows and get down to Lagos, Portugal, for the winter. There is a big friendly community there and cheap flights back to the UK. Home sickness is cured by trips home from a nice sunny warm winter place to a miserable weathered winter UK.

 

[pragmatist]

I suggest you take the weather windows and get down to Lagos, Portugal, for the winter. There is a big friendly community there and cheap flights back to the UK. Home sickness is cured by trips home from a nice sunny warm winter place to a miserable weathered winter UK.

Think you're right there - tho there is another side to that one. Whilst in the office got a text this week from a sunny marina in Ragusa, Sicily (tho unfortunately for him he was not there by boat) asking what the weather was like in the "chilly" UK. Well it hasn't been chilly, admittedly, but at the time I got the text we couldn't see the hill opposite for thick fog and rain was sweeping down the valley. I was extremely jealous - certainly got me looking at next year's cruising plans !

Perhaps asking the daughter to get on a flight for a visit might go down well in all quarters ? I worked with a girl whose parents were cruising the WIndies and she was delighted to holiday with them - can't imagine why

 

[MASH]

Not sure what your final destination is

Blimey! How badly misused is this atrocity in theEnglish Language?

We all only have one "final destination" as if that wasn't blindingly obvious...

Bye....! flowers here or there?

 

[sea@tigger]

Blimey! How badly misused is this atrocity in theEnglish Language?

We all only have one "final destination" as if that wasn't blindingly obvious...

Bye....! flowers here or there?

Wow, aren´t you a cheerful person! Maybe it's time to find yourself some happy 'final destinations' in life before you kick the bucket/bite the dust/go belly up, or whatever you wanna name it. (As you can see, I try to avoid another atrocity in the English language here).

 

[charles_reed]

Sorry to hear of the OPs wife's problem. Having spent about 20 years sailing outside the UK - have the impression that she's pretty normal for most Englishwomen.
For me the greatest thrill is going to a new place, meeting new acquaintances and learning to communicate with them. However I've made a point of having a boat, on which to spend 6 months and a home in the UK in which to spend the other 6.
I'm certain, that if she's unhappy now she'll be no happier in Greece or Turkey.
Personally I recoil in horror at the thought of spending a winter in a "little England" expat community.
But then I sail single-handed, though wife, friends and family join me for about 40% of the time aboard.
Doing the "sailing off into the sunset" is great for a limited period - many men drag their poor wives along with them and don't ever recognise that the female is not quite as excited as the male by living in penury, extreme discomfort and enforced solitude on a boat which is always breaking down.
She'll probably far happier if she sees it all ending in a couple of years and being able to sink back into that comfortable housewife's rut.
Different strokes for different folks...

PS Interesting to note that spite is not confined to women gossips - it flourishes in yottie chatrooms ;-)

 

[SamanthaTabs]

In answer to the above thread of part time liveaboarder, good you've found something that works well for you and your family. The OP thread was more about full time, constantly changing anchorages etc. and yes it can be fun however many people, including your good self if you spend half the year in England, like some stability/familiarity after consistently making new acquaintances.
Winter marina life is certainly not a "small world after all" Britain, thank goodness. Winter in Shropshire must be very agreeable, hang on it's Britain surrounded by Brits. Oh well, at least we have the sunshine.

I reckon there's at least 15 nationalities here where we are right now. Many have been cruising for many many years as couples and are very happy, there is no reason to be uncomfortable, live in enforced solitude or anything of the like.

I digress, to the OP find what works for you both and I wish you all the best.

 

[sailaboutvic]

Sorry to hear of the OPs wife's problem. Having spent about 20 years sailing outside the UK - have the impression that she's pretty normal for most Englishwomen.
)

Charles I am not surprise , over all the years I have been sailing I seen many a terrified women and kids who husband / partner insist in going out in weather that not suited for novices sailors and then they wonder why their wife refused to go sailing again ,

 

[charles_reed]

Charles I am not surprise , over all the years I have been sailing I seen many a terrified women and kids who husband / partner insist in going out in weather that not suited for novices sailors and then they wonder why their wife refused to go sailing again ,

Yes, men are insensitive bullies who demand their wives live a nightmare whilst they enjoy their dream. And it's not only going out in unsuitable conditions...
Anyrate, it's up to each iof us to work out the optimum liveaboard time and what we demand of our partners.
My wife is the first to admit that the boat has been a magic carpet to see many wonderful places she'd never have thought of visiting - she still hates passage-making and lives in a ferment of anxiety that she'll be lumbered with sailing the boat to safety when I go overboard.
Interesting that she's not concerned about my survival ;-) the benefit of fully paid-up life assurance!!

 

[Sybarite]

Yes, men are insensitive bullies who demand their wives live a nightmare whilst they enjoy their dream. And it's not only going out in unsuitable conditions...
Anyrate, it's up to each iof us to work out the optimum liveaboard time and what we demand of our partners.
My wife is the first to admit that the boat has been a magic carpet to see many wonderful places she'd never have thought of visiting - she still hates passage-making and lives in a ferment of anxiety that she'll be lumbered with sailing the boat to safety when I go overboard.
Interesting that she's not concerned about my survival ;-) the benefit of fully paid-up life assurance!!

Back home I had a neighbour whose position on this was: Why spend 50 grand on a boat and then deny your wife the price of an air ticket to come and join you once you've arrived?