Gardening advice

Twister_Ken

Twister_Ken

Well-Known Member
Joined
31 May 2001
Messages
27,584
Location
'ang on a mo, I'll just take some bearings
Visit site
I have been told I WILL mow the lawn at the weekend.

Seems unneccessary to me, as the grass is only just above the seats of the garden furniture, and nowhere near the table top (not joking)

Anyway, wots wrong with a meadow?

Can anyone offer me advice on how to spend the weekend boating, not gardening, without get stopped rations for a month?

PS - I've tried the "Wildlife Garden" gambit without ice-cutting.
 
Option 1
Get up early. It's light by 0330 now. This has the advantage of upsetting your neigbours.
Option 2
Do it late at night. It's light 'til 2200. Also upsets neighbours.
Option 3
Tell police that you've seen a body in the long grass. They'll come and dig it up for you.
 
"I'd like to tackle the garden this weekend. I fancy a nice big concrete patio. The Readimix truck will be here first thing."
 
Re: As a gardening expert

I can only advise that you cut it more often. Twice a week is good. Then it's hardly a job at all.

Once you can see the trees for the grass you might like to look at doing away with the grass all together. It might be a big job but you'll be glad you did it.

The other alternative is to get a goat. Goats keep the grass down pretty well and cost much less than a gardener. The downside is that they don't enjoy UK winters. The answer is simple. Top the goat in October and have a barbie. After all you don't need your grass eating in the winter and you can buy a new goat in the spring.
 
Re: As a gardening expert

go to the nearest garden centre and get some complicated named shrub, look up what native plants have a presevation order on, take the label off and tell the memshab you seem to have a rare species in the garden and the grass cant be cut till after it flowers .....

less complicated than livestock etc ...... and may give you years of sailing before she cottons on

/forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif
 
The goat idea is rubbish - hardly anyone keeps goats in stock for immediate delivery. A flame gun or petrol is better, but you need to pour the petrol around with a watering can and it may need quite lot of petrol, and flame guns aren't actually anywhere near as good as real wartime flamethrowers.

Best wd be to start the mowing and get pre-arranged phone call with swmbo in earshot. "Oh the marina ok, yep that's right berth A4, ken speaking.... ..What? What are you saying - the whole pontoon? Jeez! So where's the boat now? It's still afloat though, yes? oh - you can't tell? Wow....okay, i'm on my way"

That might work.
 
My rule is anything inside the gate is her domain, decor, soft furnishings - all decisions left up to the domestic side, "you choose dear, you're so much better than me at that sort of thing"

This, of course, includes the garden.

Cheers

Ian
 
Get some cheap gin or whisky from the Channel Islands and water the grass with that.



Then it comes up half cut.



Better still water it with sodium chlorate then it won't come up at all.
 
Twister_Ken,

Apparently meadow gardens are very fashionable at the moment... we have a friend who writes for a gardening mag... she's highly qualified, both in experience, and educationally, on the subject, and is a very active gardener.....

While round their house recently, I remarked that the grass needed cutting... at this point hands were thrown up in horror, and I was politely informed that long meadow grass is the 'latest thing' in gardens.... and its was being grown intentionally....

Got to be worth playing the 'trying to be trendy' card /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif
 
Two stages to garden happiness

Buy some "Roundup", wonderful stuff, you'll never have to mow again!

Two weeks later order a few yards of pea shingle a few stone pots and some bedding plants and in a couple of hours one evening you'll have a new maintenance free garden to drink champagne in and enjoy.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Share this page

Top