Friday Funny

[Guest]

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees David Beckham. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"

Beckham looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, David."

Tim Eades
http://www.btinternet.com/~tim.eades/

 

[byron]

Who ARE Einstein & Picasso anyway, come to think of it who is this Beckham geezer too?

ô¿ô

 

[burgundyben]

Who and where is St Peter?

 

[longjohnsilver]

For Beckham substitute Byron!

Judging by his flattering piccie, should be just about at the front of the queue.

 

[Geoffs]

ooh ouch!

Judging by the picky, it's time to give up smoking!

 

[ToMo]

I thought it was Posh Spice after one of her alledged crash diets - on second thoughts, it must be Byron.....he's been poorly, you know!
TôMö

 

[jfm]

Re: Friday Funny For engineers

Understanding Engineers - Take One:

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike? "
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike
to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."


*****


Understanding Engineers - Take Two:

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To a pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

*****

Understanding Engineers - Take Three:


A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with
him."

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they? The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always
let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

*****

Understanding Engineers - Take Four:


There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to
work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer
who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the
huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a
particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem
is".

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company
received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded
an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly: One
chalk mark, $1. Knowing where to put it, $49,999.

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

*****

Understanding Engineers - Take Five:

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

 

[BarryD]

Re: Friday Funny For engineers

ROFL jfm another one for you - Civil Engineers surely an oxymoron?

Barry D

 

[tcm]

who\'re you calling a moron?!

Anyway, I don't think they're funny.

At university, one of the girls on the course broke down on the motorway in Nottingham, and was towed the way back to Leeds. "And do you know, they filled up the petrol tank to exactly where it was when I broke down!" she said. I explained that cars don't use petrol when towed. She later got a first

 

[coliholic]

Re: who\'re you calling a moron?!

That would have been Coventry Uni then would it Rev? And presumably she's now Head of Instrumentation Design for Fairline.

 

[lanason]

what is this place called HEAVEN ??

Adrian )

 

[DepSol]

its a port in Guernsey!