Friday funny NB

[KevB]

A guy is driving his van around a red light area when he see's a brass which takes his fancy. She gets in his van and they discuss terms. After agreeing a price the man says "Hope you don't mind but I like it a bit kinky". "no problem" says the brass.
The man then goes on to explain how he likes being whipped. The brass says that she hasn't got a whip.
The man thinks for a few seconds then jumps out of his van and snaps off the aerial......
Back in the van the pair get down to business with the brass using the aerial as a whip.

A couple of days pass when one morning the man wakes up to find his body covered with blisters and sores. Feeling a little worried he hurries off to see the Doctor.
At the Doctors he takes off his shirt to be examined. "What is it Doc" he asks.........

The Doctor replies......................







It's the worst case of vanaerial disease he has ever seen. /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif


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[Forbsie]

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress!
Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.
Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well, indeed he did.
She said, “Well, you can have it but it will cost you £500."
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of £500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"
With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."
Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you £500?"
In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me £500."
Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed £500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."
Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player!





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[jimi]

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or
any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong
with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist.

Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist,

Dr. Chang, so she went to see him.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all
your crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery,
reery fass to odderside of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed.

Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she
did.

Dr.Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed
Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang sighed deeply, and replied: "Ed Zachary Disease is when your
face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."


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[Dave_Snelson]

That's a good one - never heard it before.

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