French Tarts,Fine Wines and Fireworks

jimi

jimi

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In preparation for the forthcoming European invasion I wish to draw up a shopping list, what do you reckon?. I put fireworks on it cos they're big and cheap in France but its not actually legal to bring 'em back so I'll have to disguise them as tarts .. wee crackers, do you think I'll get away with it?

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Coffee is vair cheap. Much nicer to not do any shopping tho, otherwise you look a bit of a flippin tourist. I will be sitting in a caff tutting about the rosbifs. Oh and don't bother any of the auld alliance eccossais crap, cos i will say bof or eh quoi or meme chose. I hear quite a lot of rubbish wine is sent to french ports esp calais for the brits to buy on booze crusies. i spect most of them can't tell the difference between bells whiskey and a road atlas.

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Perhaps if we got away early on Friday (have'nt checked tides) we could get to St Vaast friday .. see M Gosselin Sat am and get peed in Cherbourg sat wif ze rest?

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When, when, when???

Don't think I will get my act together within the next few decades so I may as well leave so as to time a meet-up on the other side of that wide river thingie that seperates England and France and then press on from there.

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You know these single ignition boxes, light the blue touch paper stand back and it all goes off, (bit like Mobo) I got one of 'em in the Supermarket in Cherbourg couple of years ago for 15Fr absolutely brilliant would have cost at least £30 here. Was thinking about getting a few as anticollision devices, when a ferry sneaks up on you, let off a few of the multi air bomb ones, that'll sort 'em out!

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I think it would be nice if we could fly a nice bright colourful Rainbow Warrior Flag from the crosstrees.
Perhaps we could buy some England Rugby shirts and have them for formal shore dress code wear.
I saw some rather attractive tartan boxers with a plastic bottom stuck to them - I'm sure they are a one-size-fits-all sort of a garment so maybe a couple of dozen?
The Mother of Dear Heart is a farmer - I think she would want us to take some form of testing kits for their milk and to see if they've managed to sort out their BSE and Foot and Mouth problems yet or if as ever they are still just pretending they don't have a problem .

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Claymore
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Jim

My nephew has already put in a request for a half ton of French munitions - they're great aren't they?

Tom

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Claymore

Did you see the new shirts they were wearing in the game against France? Looked like Lycra cycling shirts, don't think I've quite the physique to do them justice.

How come the Ireland & Scotland squads were wearing traditionall rugby shirts whereas both England & France had the startrek kit?

Tom

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Channel Ports Rocked By Mysterious Explosion

In the early hours a massive explosion south of the Isle of Wight broke windows as far afield as Brighton and Bournemouth, whilst a tidal wave caused considerable damage from Selsey to Christchurch. The cause of the explosion reamins a mystery, but small pieces of glass fibre stamped Made in France have been recovered from a field in Crawley. In a possibly related incident a red-hot anchor with chain attached crashed through the roof of a house near Salisbury. Voluptuous Mrs Jimi McHarridan, in bed at the time, said "It's a good thing my husband was off on a sailing trip with some of his fiends, the anchor landed just where he's usually snoring at that time of night." Shane Cobber, an Australian barman working at the local Goat annd Pederast pub, who was in the house at the time, was taken to hospital with severe burns and a broken pelvis.

A coastguard spokeman commented "We continue to warn parents of the dangers of allowing their children to play with inflatable toys when there is an offshore breeze. Oh, and please don't ask for radio checks on Channel 16 no more". Asked to comment on the explosion he said "Roger that. Probably a jet ski."

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.writeforweb.com/twister1>Let's Twist Again</A>
 
Tome
This is to do with preparation for the long hot summer down under in the World Cup.
I remember when I moved out of swimming trunks under my shorts to the more manly Jock Strap. I had a pretty poor game or two until I got used to it all and I think that Clive Woodward has probably had a similar experience and so this is the result.
hope this helps

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Claymore
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rofl. When I was at school there was a lab war going on. One wag graced the usual location with grafiti along the lines of 'If the French won't buy our lamb, I shant buy their letters'.

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