G
Guest
Guest
Re: er um expert assistance needed
Now, dear readers, H seems to be having a problem getting his wife dreaming of a new boat.
Firstly, extensive scientific reseach has gone into the method above, and my own findings were frighteningly effective. I actualy pretended that we had boughy a boat costing seven times as much as the house, and she was okay about it. Eventually I had to wimp out. Well, actualy I said that the survey was no good ahem.
Unfortunately H's wife is fine about rusty things, and even busted bogs. So the following, which can be used, may well not work on H's wife. They are here for reference by others only. But if he did the whole lot of these on ONE DAY, they might work. Although, she might then just decide that she hates boats altogether.
1. Open up the engine hatch, complain about something complicated, then going off on pretext of finding spares, sit in pub for an hour or two, then return, and restart matts patented etc.
or 2. loosen off all the drawer and cuboards so they fall about in the kitchen and simulate knackered boat.
3. Turn off the water supply to the washbasin that she uses.
4. Switch off hot water, or just use loads of it (switch tap on at same time as shower) and blame crap boat design.
5. Switch off some other fuses to make the lights go off, or the telly not work etc.
6. Put some thick carpet or plywood under existing carpet, so that everyone bangs their head (no good if wife v short)
7. Embarrass her. Switch off the fridge for a while. Then invite lots of boaty mates round, for which she gets all hostessy, only to find that there's no ice. Blame crap boat. Go round to mates nice new boat with working fridge. Make sure that mate has bought loads of ice beforehand.
8. Simulate leaky boat. While she is elsewhere, before bedtime, dribble a panful of water on her side of the bed, and/or the chair where she sits. Note that a real leak would be in exactly the same place, not just chucked about. Make sure headling above is wet, so she can "find" the problems herself.
...Or all of above, in order to get her thinking that praps a new boat would be a good idea, any one of which would work fine on my wife.
In severe cases where wife (eg H's) is made of sterner stuff:
Perhaps Colin could pretend to be a boat inspector and condemn it?
Or, perhaps H could go and place a deposit, and then check himself into the loony bin as suffering from total loss of memory, get rescued by wife, and (the killer this) tell her that YOU AREN'T WELL ENOUGH TO DRIVE HOME. Then find receipt for deposit on new boat a few days later.
Now, dear readers, H seems to be having a problem getting his wife dreaming of a new boat.
Firstly, extensive scientific reseach has gone into the method above, and my own findings were frighteningly effective. I actualy pretended that we had boughy a boat costing seven times as much as the house, and she was okay about it. Eventually I had to wimp out. Well, actualy I said that the survey was no good ahem.
Unfortunately H's wife is fine about rusty things, and even busted bogs. So the following, which can be used, may well not work on H's wife. They are here for reference by others only. But if he did the whole lot of these on ONE DAY, they might work. Although, she might then just decide that she hates boats altogether.
1. Open up the engine hatch, complain about something complicated, then going off on pretext of finding spares, sit in pub for an hour or two, then return, and restart matts patented etc.
or 2. loosen off all the drawer and cuboards so they fall about in the kitchen and simulate knackered boat.
3. Turn off the water supply to the washbasin that she uses.
4. Switch off hot water, or just use loads of it (switch tap on at same time as shower) and blame crap boat design.
5. Switch off some other fuses to make the lights go off, or the telly not work etc.
6. Put some thick carpet or plywood under existing carpet, so that everyone bangs their head (no good if wife v short)
7. Embarrass her. Switch off the fridge for a while. Then invite lots of boaty mates round, for which she gets all hostessy, only to find that there's no ice. Blame crap boat. Go round to mates nice new boat with working fridge. Make sure that mate has bought loads of ice beforehand.
8. Simulate leaky boat. While she is elsewhere, before bedtime, dribble a panful of water on her side of the bed, and/or the chair where she sits. Note that a real leak would be in exactly the same place, not just chucked about. Make sure headling above is wet, so she can "find" the problems herself.
...Or all of above, in order to get her thinking that praps a new boat would be a good idea, any one of which would work fine on my wife.
In severe cases where wife (eg H's) is made of sterner stuff:
Perhaps Colin could pretend to be a boat inspector and condemn it?
Or, perhaps H could go and place a deposit, and then check himself into the loony bin as suffering from total loss of memory, get rescued by wife, and (the killer this) tell her that YOU AREN'T WELL ENOUGH TO DRIVE HOME. Then find receipt for deposit on new boat a few days later.
