Famous One Liners (nb)

[cameronke]

Things are never that bad that they cant get worse (very apt to sailing)

Do unto others before they do unto you

Regards
Cameron

<hr width=100% size=1>Work to live, live to sail

 

[Mike21]

You can only take them somewhere twice
Second time to apologise for the first.

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[Beagle]

Never argue with idiots... they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. - L. Long .

<hr width=100% size=1>Never under estimate the strength of human stupidity

 

[milltech]

Re: My mate Andy

Brilliant. I hope that isn't in one of the 18000 brain cells I lose on the day someone next stops on my bumper.

<hr width=100% size=1>John
<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.allgadgets.co.uk>http://www.allgadgets.co.uk</A>

 

[longjohnsadler]

Tallulah Bankhead, famous bisexual actress, being asked by an air hostess on a TWA flight if she wanted some coffee:

'I don't care for your TWA coffee, but I wouldn't mind some of your TWA tea.'

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[Andrew_Fanner]

Your work is both good and original. Regrettably the parts which are good are not original and the parts which are original are not good.

<hr width=100% size=1>Two beers please, my friend is paying.

 

[Cornishman]

The Pentagon knows there are Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq- they have the receipts to prove it. - Garrison Keillor
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's; she changes it more often. - various
If they ever invent a vibrator which can open pickle jars, we've had it. - Jeff Green on the bleak future facing men.
A hard man is good to find - Mae West
A hard dog to keep on the porch - Hilary Rodham Clinton

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[beancounter]

A few from Woody Allen:

"The lion and the lamb may lie down together, but one of them isn't going to get much sleep"

"I like my brain - it's my second-favourite organ"

"I'm not afraid of dying - I just don't want to be there when it happens"



<hr width=100% size=1>Fabricati Diem

 

[jhr]

Another one from Woody Allen

"Masturbation's great - it's having sex with someone I love................."

<hr width=100% size=1>Je suis Marxiste - tendance Groucho

 

[BlueSkyNick]

Now that you have reduced it to that level.......

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things
that money can buy."
Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand."
Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."
Lynn Lavner

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are
unimportant."
George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ~ no matter what she's reading."
Steve Jobs

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it, so I said, "Thyroid
problem?'"
Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf
is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he
never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush

"Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet."
Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only
time of the month that I can be myself."
Roseanne Barr

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing
in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say
that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know
what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.'"
Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like
and just give her a house."
Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough
blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams



<hr width=100% size=1>Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

 

[Twister_Ken]

More Woody Allen

On being asked by Diane Keaton if she'd parked her VW OK.

"Sure, I can walk to the kerb from here."

From 'Manhattan'???

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.writeforweb.com/twister1>Let's Twist Again</A>

 

[claymore]

There'll be a bus along in a minute - be under it.

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=purple>regards
Claymore<font color=purple>
/forums/images/icons/smile.gif

 

[jimi]

Pick yer windie, yer a greenhouse gas fartifact!

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[boatless]

Re: BIGNICK

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
Steve Martin

I was just in the High Street, eyeing up a v. pleasant young mum, when your quote came to mind. Burst out laughing. Not good. Thanks Nick, another conquest defeated.


<hr width=100% size=1>my opinion is complete rubbish, probably.

 

[billmacfarlane]

" I have my principles - and if you don't like them, I have more" - Groucho Marx

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[Anwen]

If you make something idiot proof, they just invent a better idiot.

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[Bergman]

Re: My mate Andy

Andy may care to consider

I can think of no situation that cannot be made worse by the presence of a policeman.

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[KevB]

The three top one liner lies..........

The cheque is in the post

I promise not to come in your mouth

And no your arse does not look big in that.

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[ScoutLeader]

Don't forget the biggest one liner lie of all

Of course I love you

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[jhr]

"Did you enjoy yourself this evening"?

"I had to - there was nothing else to enjoy........."

<hr width=100% size=1>Je suis Marxiste - tendance Groucho