Encouragement needed

[30boat]

You are already making concessions.

~

"I'll try and do the type of boating(not sailing) she enjoys which is basically just being on the boat and going ashore to a restaurant from time to time".

~

Really - I think your problems go beyond sailing. You do not sound to me like some dastardly Husband / Father that has spend the last two decades down the pub peeing your earnings against the wall while she lives in squalid surroundings.

How about your wife shows you some respect? Have you not provided water, food, and shelter for your family for the last 20 plus years? Frankly - your wife needs to lose the 'attitude' and realise you are a man not a whimp. You must be lead. Stop making these concessions that to me are nothing but a sign of disrespect from your wife.

As to your son being a mamma's boy - this is an all to common occurrence these days and synonymous with the over regulated society that we now live in. Sort of like - "don't keep the score" in a kiddies football match should one side get upset if they get a thrashing. Over protective mums are the worst thing that can happen to a young man. So, about the only thing I agree with in your post is do try to include your son in your sailing -- young men need the influence of older wiser men (especially their fathers) much more than they need molly coddling from their mum.

I've been making concessions out of necessity for a while now.If I hadn't my life would have been hell.But I've decided to go ahead and go sailing solo or if possible with my son.I realise he needs the influence of his father so he toughens up a bit and learning a few skills outside his computer can only be good for him.My wife has become a little too lazy and unadventurous for my liking so I have no choice but to go my own way .If I gave in now I would jeopardize my future years for the sake of some domestic bliss.The marriage will have to adapt and evolve.I know a bloke who sails his boat on long offshore trips every summer while his wife stays home .They found their balance so why shouldn't I?

 

[chinita]

You are already making concessions.

~

"I'll try and do the type of boating(not sailing) she enjoys which is basically just being on the boat and going ashore to a restaurant from time to time".

~

Really - I think your problems go beyond sailing. You do not sound to me like some dastardly Husband / Father that has spend the last two decades down the pub peeing your earnings against the wall while she lives in squalid surroundings.

How about your wife shows you some respect? Have you not provided water, food, and shelter for your family for the last 20 plus years? Frankly - your wife needs to lose the 'attitude' and realise you are a man not a whimp. You must be lead. Stop making these concessions that to me are nothing but a sign of disrespect from your wife.

As to your son being a mamma's boy - this is an all to common occurrence these days and synonymous with the over regulated society that we now live in. Sort of like - "don't keep the score" in a kiddies football match should one side get upset if they get a thrashing. Over protective mums are the worst thing that can happen to a young man. So, about the only thing I agree with in your post is do try to include your son in your sailing -- young men need the influence of older wiser men (especially their fathers) much more than they need molly coddling from their mum.

I agree with all of that.

But I dare not tell my Missus

 

[Iain C]

Just be careful about teaching your son to "love sailing and get it in his blood".

When I was very young I sailed dinghies with my dad. As soon as it got slightly windy I was petrified and hated it. When I got a bit older, all I wanted to do was to have a teeny weeny cruiser or dinghy and go creek crawling in a Swallows & Amazons style. But by this time I was off doing cross channel passages, and I was usually sick. I was too young to join Dad and friends drinking in the bars, so it was a chance to catch up on some sleep before the next miserable passage home in old leaky oilskins! I loved being around boats, but actually started to really dislike sailing.

I had a huge gap and came back to it about 15 years ago. All I wanted to do was race every weekend at my local club in dinghies. And I actually started to lose sight of drifting round on a freezing February day in 5 knots wasn't actually enjoyable for the sake of a placing and a bottle of wine at the annual prize giving! And I started to get annoyed that my very sensible SWMBO saw the light before I.

I still love anything to do with boats, and I love sailing more and more, because I have a rule to try and make it enjoyable and varied. I don't know a sport/hobby as varied or as polar as sailing...I always have a great road ride, or day skiing, or day mountain biking, or day walking. But I've had bloody fantastic days sailing, and truly awful ones too. And while some people might love giving up a week to cruise around a harbour, do the traveller on a racing yacht, or hike some painfully slow dinghy, I'd really rather not thanks. So just be aware that what you enjoy in sailing may not be what others enjoy, even though it may seem superficially a very similar activity.

 

[reginaldon]

Many, many moons ago I remonstrated with swmbo for letting the sailing dinghy slide back in'. at Lulworth Cove - I called her a 'blithering idiot' - that was it! She decided not to go with me sailing again! When I got my Caprice she said if she ever came down to the boat, it would be with a drill! Learn by my mistake!
Still we have had a great marriage - lasted 57 years so far.

 

[Babylon]

Many, many moons ago I remonstrated with swmbo for letting the sailing dinghy slide back in'. at Lulworth Cove - I called her a 'blithering idiot' - that was it! She decided not to go with me sailing again! When I got my Caprice she said if she ever came down to the boat, it would be with a drill! Learn by my mistake!
Still we have had a great marriage - lasted 57 years so far.

What extraordinary good fortune! A SWMBO who doesn't want to come sailing, but is prepared to do a load of boat maintenance!

 

[PCUK]

Only read the first page so this may have already been suggested. How about a flotilla sailing holiday in warm waters? I know this is no substitute for being on your own boat, but the prospect of warm waters and hot days with the promise of little waterside tavernas in the evening with a group of like-minded new friends may get her interested. It won't solve the overall problem of getting her back on your own boat but it would at least get you sailing together again.

 

[Otter]

Yes but I like hanging out with SWMBO. Iain C is spot on I think when he points out the vast variety of things we call 'sailing'. I love the process of sailing, the technical business of ropes and stuff, SWMBO would like an automatic sailing machine, can't be bothered with the technicalities but loves the experience. Hates heeling above all things and loves exploring new places by boat. Give me a long, technically and navigationaly demanding trip anyday, then five hours kip, a packet of crisps and turn round and go back. Ho hum, we settled on a huge floating home that takes us amazing places, SWMBO doesn't baulk at getting up at stupid o'clock to cross the North Sea, she will stand a watch, take charge of the helm, paint the anti foul and change the babies nappy, by golly she's a good un but I also need to make sure we have plenty of days when we don't go anywhere, mooch round historic towns and look at bright colourful stuff in shops. She gets a co-skipper who organises all the sailing stuff and gets the boat ready and stands a watch or two of child minding whilst she has a lie in.
We had some problems early in our marriage and worked hard to resolve them, I reckon the sailing stuff is a mirror of how the rest of the relationship works, deal with the fundamentals first rather than trying to resolve the sailing symptoms?

 

[PCUK]

Mr Kipper. Your problem is somewhat easier to resolve, just buy her an automatic sailing machine - otherwise known as a MOBO!!!

 

[Seajet]

Mr Kipper. Your problem is somewhat easier to resolve, just buy her an automatic sailing machine - otherwise known as a MOBO!!!

As mobo's are an insult to man ( or woman ) let alone beast, I think the suggestion of a charter in Greece has a lot going for it; and when back home take it easy and watch the wildlife in the harbour.

If that doesn't work, fake a heart attack; I bet she suddenly picks up previously unexhibited sailing skills !

 

[Otter]

Mr Kipper. Your problem is somewhat easier to resolve, just buy her an automatic sailing machine - otherwise known as a MOBO!!!

I did suggest it at one point but she loves sailing, just has no interest in the ropes, telltales, sheeting angles, genoa cars and stuff. Drives me slightly bonkers sometimes but it has its upside - I'll never get it wrong cos she never bothers to check stuff
She is though one of the finest helms I've ever sailed with, when the wind picks up past a five she takes the helm and read the seas like an old Clipper helmsman. In our Cat we were twice caught in nasty stuff off Belgium and she took the helm on some long stints and the boat sailed much better for it. Mind you if you'd asked her what point of sailing we were on or even where the wind was coming from she wouldn't have a clue, must be some intuition thingy she's got. I hate it when people are naturally good at stuff I have to think really, really, hard about.